isleofavalon | Be Bold, Be Bold, But Not Too Bold

There might have been a fleeting remembrance of a very dashing looking angel boldly standing before Satan with his flaming sword... Yeah, Crowley knew his Angel could be tough when he wanted to be. Scared the Hell out of him when Aziraphale had threatened never to speak to him again so neither Satan, Alec, or any of the terrors down here would stand in his way.

Still he did wish he could be there, bilocate, be in two places at once so he could help both Aziraphale and Alec at the same time.

"I like it. I actually know a few too. I think they would do it for nothing so long as I called it training."

A glance at Alec.

"Those pills doing any good yet?"

"No. Piss off." This with more strength. "I don't need you bastards nannying me like I'm some bloody pet. Christ." Getting excited was not a good idea and he hunched over again with a groan. He needed some water. Or a nap. Or to not be here at all.

As for Anthony's question well he's not actively dying at the moment, but it's going to take a while for him to get to his feet and he'll be damned if he's letting either of them carry him.

"You're not a pet. Nor are you a child. We're just concerned."

Aziraphale stumbled a bit, but there was a light up ahead and he hoped it was the two of them and not more of this place's tomfoolery.

"I'm sorry. I suppose we're both very bad at this, caring for a human on such a personal level. Not that it makes it forgivable in the least. It's just so very hard to watch you not care for yourself and to feel powerless to do anything about it."

And there he went again.

Aziraphale was too nice about it. No surprise, he was an angel after all.

"Nope, not sorry. You are being treated like this because you are an idiot. Even your pet ghost-dog thing knows it. S'why it went looking for help."

Might as well rub that in just so the concern sank in through that thick head of Alec's. Was there a better barb than implying 'the dog was smarter'?

The light ahead glowed a warm welcome but as Aziraphale stumbled a third light seemed to appear. This one from behind and it drew quickly closer as he tripped and zipped away from him again when he recovered but it never left entirely. This new light followed Aziraphale at a distance as he traveled down the cavern tunnel.

"Caring for a human..." He can't help but keep the disgust out of his voice. He hated it. It didn't make him feel any less like a pet or someone to be condescended to.

"Maybe I can make my own decisions, have either of you ever thought of that?" It didn't seem so. He watched the lights come back out and glowered at them until they zipped away again. He rested his forehead back on his knees.

"What do you even want with me."

He winced. Part of him that remembered being human replayed that phrase in his head and cringed.

He didn't even notice the light behind him as he came upon them. His voice carried in the still cave even without the phone now.

"What do you think I want, Alec? I want your friendship. I want that intimacy we used to share. I want to be your family."

He bent double, hands on his knees catching his breath.

"We are all a rather pathetic lot, aren't we? Look at us. How did we make it so far when not one of us knows how to maintain a normal friendship?"

Crowley also recalled being human but some how he felt much less of a connection to the word. Demon just suited him better. Maybe it always had... Maybe some where in that revelation was the reason why he had Fallen in the first place.

But lost in quiet contemplation he said nothing for a few minutes, letting those lights hover around the room and his own dredged up fears about losing those he cared the most about... which had been so graphically placed on display for him, settle into a coherent thought.

"Its worse than being a pet... You are family."

His head tilted meaningfully to one side so his shaded eyes could bore their unblinking stare into Alec's.

"Who says family has to actually be related anyway? Or..."

A sniff.

"The same species. People don't have any trouble calling their cats family. They adopt children, even parents some times, from other people's families... Why can't an angel and a demon and a human adopt each other?"

Edited 2021-01-10 23:50 (UTC)

"Ngh..." He hated them. He really did. It was a stupid thing to start-- to continue. He knew it would only end badly, would end painfully. They were complete idiots to want to pursue it. Weren't they happier just concerned for themselves? He didn't want to be concerned for them. He just wanted to focus on what he had to do and let everything else fall by the wayside.

But they wouldn't leave him alone. Whenever he was in trouble they seemed to show up behind, getting into trouble themselves. They fought too hard for him and ended up hurt by him--and would continue to be.

He hated them. He didn't understand them. But if they were going to be family then...

He looked up at them.

"Will you help me, then? To-- to fix this world? To get home?"

Crowley--Oh, Crowley had such a way with words. Aziraphale turned a shimmering, glowing adoration towards his demon before watching for the effects of the words on Alec. Why could they not adopt each other indeed? He had seen countless humans band together as tribes out of love and necessity and shared goals. Strangers coming together to live as one. They had been a family once, and they could continue to be that again.

If that was what Alec also wanted.

To be frank, he was never really sure with Alec. Fell had found something like sure footing and understanding with the elder Crowley cousin, but Aziraphale had lost that again.

Please.

Aziraphale looked away, up at the dark ceiling of the cave. It pained him to agree to this; he was a selfish creature, an unbecoming trait in an angel, and he had wanted them to all stay here, safe, together...as they had been in New York.

But part of being a family--part neither Fell nor Aziraphale had really yet experienced--was not being so selfish and letting go. Alec was not a book he could covet and keep safe for eternity in his shop. He was a human being, with hopes and dreams and a daughter to go home to.

He glanced over at Crowley, trying to gauge his reaction and then:

"Yes, I will. Will you let us care about you while you're here?"

He was surprised that Fell agreed, though he thought Fell would when he asked. Not because he was an angel or even a good man, but that he was desperate for some reason for this connection. Had Alec really been that big a part of his life? It was difficult to imagine. He felt a mix of guilt and relief at the agreement, determined then to help them remain. There had to be a way to do both and he knew that now that this was in place how tempting it would be to sacrifice what he needed to do for their sakes.

And the request... Easy in practice but.. He swallowed.

"Fine but... I can't... The thought of a healer... A Doctor aye, fine. I'll do whatever you want but I-- I can't trust magic that far, or someone wielding it."

Crowley sat there on the ground next to Alec quietly frowning about the whole thing. Was that a win or a defeat? They were a family on condition, help me or... Or it didn't matter again? And helping would result in the very thing his nightmares had been about. Alec would be lost to him again just as he had been in the flames.

Did Alec have any idea what he was asking for, a noble sacrifice from a demon?

"You really want to see me running naked in the woods?"

That had been one of the 'quests to save Avalon' and Crowley brought it up now, dripping in snark, to gloss over his internal turmoil.

He didn't like it either. It struck oddly. It felt wrong. Even Anthony sitting beside him seemed like an exchange. Do this and I'll do that. Wasn't it enough that they were willing to help? For whatever reason? For this... delusion?

"No... No I don't. Fuck." He wanted to be anywhere else. Why had he said anything? Why had he thought-- because he had wanted to know-- had wanted the help-- but of course Fell would do it and if Fell would Anthony would support him, but it didn't make it right.

"Forget it. Just-- fine. You win. Fight or don't. I don't care. Do nothing all day. Fight me if you want. Fine. I'll do whatever it is you want just-- Christ, I'm tired of this bullshit."

It was nothing they would be satisfied by he knew and maybe there was no satisfaction to be had. Maybe there was nothing but pretend happiness until the inevitable end. Maybe if he were lucky they'd realize it wasn't worth the trouble and he would be back to a lonelier but far less complicated existence.

Crowley's quip couldn't save the moment for him. All Aziraphale could hear was Alec's 'I'm tired of this bullshit.' It made Aziraphale sad, but mostly it made him angry. Angry at Alec for resisting friendship and angry at himself for being a bad friend. Was this how Crowley felt, so many times, with Aziraphale himself?

"No. I don't want to win. I don't want this to have been a fight one side wins and the other side loses. We're supposed to be family and that's supposed to put us all on the same side."

He tossed down his pack in frustration, then kicked it for good measure. He was selfish and wanted things and had been willing to be a bit of a bastard to make it happen. He was willing to bargain. He was willing to make this transactional. The Arrangement had begun as transactional. Love could be tit for tat. It was certainly compromise. He and Crowley compromised loads of times. Both sides were supposed to gain something; it had to have balance. This was none of that.

"If you want to think of love as losing, fine. You may. But I won't be a party to that way of thinking."

There was more to say, but one of the lights that had been hovering floated nearer. He glared at it. "Leave me alone. I'm mad."

Aziraphale kicked his pack? Had he ever in all the centuries they had been together seen Aziraphale mad enough to kick his pack?? Or to kick anything? Aziraphale was never much into that, not a footballer or prone to those little tantrums.

Well...

There had been that time with the holy water. He had been mad enough to crumple a piece of paper and to toss it into the lake where a duck might have gotten ahold of it. Littering! It was the only occasion he could think of the angel littering too, as the disorderly way things had been sorted in his bookshop certainly didn't count.

Crowley glanced between the pair of them, trying to ignore the lights which were coming nearer again.

"Am I the voice of reason here?? Fuck..."

His head lolled back in dramatic fashion as it was not a position he enjoyed being in. He ought to have been the mad one storming off or the asshole pissing everyone off!

"Fine, this is the way it is. And I'm only saying this once! I don't want to make a habit out of this!"

With a deep breath he looked to Alec.

"Alec you are family, that means we give a shit about your sorry ass and we aren't going to stop caring just because you are in fact an ass. You are stuck with us. Sucks to be you, you're going to hate it. But we are here now, helping you, because... we actually... love you. Shut up!"

As a human he had said those words before and meant them several times but 'I love you' from a demon almost burned the tongue! Such tender feelings were usually reserved for Aziraphale who wouldn't laugh or think him an idiot for saying them. They had an understanding.

"Just stop trying to push us away all the time... it isn't going to work cause it's too late, we're already attached to you. Not because you are our pet, the only one who ever thought anything like that was you, but because for whatever cosmic joke reason we actually like you!"

Crowley waved a hand to shoo one of those annoying fairy lights away from his face so when he turned to address Aziraphale he could actually see his angel rather than be blinded by the glow.

"And Aziraphale, nice kick! I didn't know you had a tantrum like that in you!"

This was spoken with one of his winning smiles before he dived into the more serious.

"I get it and feel the same way. Sometimes you just want to strangle him, try growing up with the bastard. But, I suppose he has a point in there some where too. Humans were kicked out of Eden, maybe they were never meant to live there at all. It was too perfect with nothing to do all day but play and eat fruit... This place is a lot like it. It's probably why you and I feel so at home and Alec is trying to climb the proverbial wall. There is nothing for a human to strive for here, everything is solved by magic or easily avoided. They need more than that."

He huffed, finding this being reasonable stuff exhausting.

"So look, we're out here, we're helping you... we're going to continue helping you, worrying about you, and bugging the Hell into you, as that is what family does. That good enough?? Can we get out of the damp cave now??"

Impossible bastards. He too was impressed with the kicking and even managed a wry smile of his own. But as for the rest of it, even though he'd given up, the feeling that he'd tried to repress would no longer be held back. It was foolish and it would hurt and he would-- they would all regret it-- but

--well--

He had too much else to fight and precious little to hold on to.

So might as well hold on for all he was worth.

"We could make a footballer out of him yet." This regarding Fell as he leaned over to rest his head on Anthony's shoulder as he was bloody exhausted. "What do you think? Have him join a club? Though the shorts though, I don't know, might prove too much of a distraction for some."

Yes it was the poking at Fell hour but Anthony would get his due soon.

"Right let's finish this bloody quest... Though.... I'm not sure when I'll be able to get up."

It had so often happened to him but just this once it felt appropriate to do it himself. Crowley reached up to ruffle a few fingers through Alec's hair even as his eyes shifted over to Aziraphale's legs.

"He does have cute ankles."

Tease him for that if you like, it was true!

"Football would be worth watching for some distracting shorts."

"Mmh." His eyes closed at the touch. "Right. Legs."

How dare Crowley be the reasonable one. How dare he have that way with words that Aziraphale praised only moments ago. How dare he look so cheeky and beautiful teasing Aziraphale for his tantrum.

"Oh, shove off, the both of you," he grumbled with a smile. Look at them, his Crowleys, getting along like the family they are. "Although," he agreed with cute vanity, pleased at the attention, "you're right. I would look rather fetching in those shorts and the knee highs." Though he personally preferred instead imagining Crowley in uniform...maybe even the shorter, tighter rugby kit.

They could take their time. Despite the insistence they get out of the damp, they had Alec's health to consider and his pride. No one would be carrying Alec out while he was conscious, that was certain. He dragged the pack over and eased himself down to sit on it at Crowley's other side, grimacing at the thought of sitting on the cave floor or leaning on the wall. There was dirt, possibly mud,and there might be bat droppings!

"Maybe, if you're that keen on football, I'll practice a few penalty kicks later."

Ooo penalty kicks! That set the eyebrows arching with entirely unveiled interest. It was something they had never done together. He was game for it!

Crowley snaked out a hand to snag Aziraphale's as soon as he sat beside him. By now he knew that nightmare had been only an illusion but it was still nice to be reassured of that, to touch him and squeeze his hand, just to feel how very real and alive he was. Crowley would have gone for a hug even if it wouldn't have seemed awkward with the three of them hugging in a cave like lost children.

And there was their new problem, even if the war was over they were still down in this cave. Alec was physically done but likely to put up a fuss if anyone mentioned that to him or tried to tote him out of here. Crowley didn't feel like spending the whole evening in here, freezing his... well, you know... off. It was chilly and likely to get even more so as the night went on. His Angel was set to go on a right rampage if anything dirty or disgusting might happen to stain that jacket of his. So a glimmer of a idea slowly formed. It was a terrible one, something likely to go pear-shaped, but it wasn't like a Pooka could run around like mad in a tunnel. As a bonus there couldn't be any magical tricks so...

"Think you could ride?"

"If you two keep flirting I'll lose what little lunch I had." Said mildly as he really didn't mind. He didn't even feel a stab of jealousy. All he felt was very tired and dangerously warm. This was home, his heart said, and he told it to shut up.

"Hm?" He cracked open an eye at the mention of a ride. "What are you planning? I'm not going to be carted around like a backpack." Even though he deserved it.

"You started it." Oh. But lunch sounded marvelous. He was almost going to dig out the biscuit tin when Crowley made a suggestion.

Aziraphale hadn't even thought of piggyback rides. They were, after all, in Camelot, and if one doesn't have an entourage of coconut-clopping cohorts, one rides horses.

"Oh, Crowley, don't. Don't. They're so ...uncomfortable, and I doubt he comes with a saddle."

"Not a backpack, I'm not offering piggyback rides here. I was thinking more like a cowboy."

Probably a cowboy of the New York city variety but maybe Alec could at least get on Shadow the right way around.

"I could call Shadow, see if he even shows? You've ridden Merry-go-rounds before, its the same thing only," a glance at Aziraphale as he was so right about that, "harder on the buttocks."

"A horse?" He hadn't ridden before, but how hard could it be to just hang on?

"Better than sitting here in the damp... but what about the crystals?"

They had gone too far to leave without them.

The good Mr. Fell was just going to sit here and keep any thoughts about Crowley-on-Crowley piggyback rides or cowboys or things that are hard on the buttocks to himself ...and instead he cleared his throat and fussed with his sleeves and collar.

One of the lights darted forward at the mention of crystals, right up to Alec's nose so he could see her angry expression which looked as red faced as Tinkerbell. Her words were impossibly high pitched to hear but she pointed at the group and then back at the far wall where the other two light spirts flew up to a small ledge that absolutely glittered with crystals.

"Looks like they are up there. Feel like a climb Angel? I'll see about getting Shadow out here."

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