isleofavalon | Be Bold, Be Bold, But Not Too Bold

Crowley--Oh, Crowley had such a way with words. Aziraphale turned a shimmering, glowing adoration towards his demon before watching for the effects of the words on Alec. Why could they not adopt each other indeed? He had seen countless humans band together as tribes out of love and necessity and shared goals. Strangers coming together to live as one. They had been a family once, and they could continue to be that again.

If that was what Alec also wanted.

To be frank, he was never really sure with Alec. Fell had found something like sure footing and understanding with the elder Crowley cousin, but Aziraphale had lost that again.

Please.

Aziraphale looked away, up at the dark ceiling of the cave. It pained him to agree to this; he was a selfish creature, an unbecoming trait in an angel, and he had wanted them to all stay here, safe, together...as they had been in New York.

But part of being a family--part neither Fell nor Aziraphale had really yet experienced--was not being so selfish and letting go. Alec was not a book he could covet and keep safe for eternity in his shop. He was a human being, with hopes and dreams and a daughter to go home to.

He glanced over at Crowley, trying to gauge his reaction and then:

"Yes, I will. Will you let us care about you while you're here?"

He was surprised that Fell agreed, though he thought Fell would when he asked. Not because he was an angel or even a good man, but that he was desperate for some reason for this connection. Had Alec really been that big a part of his life? It was difficult to imagine. He felt a mix of guilt and relief at the agreement, determined then to help them remain. There had to be a way to do both and he knew that now that this was in place how tempting it would be to sacrifice what he needed to do for their sakes.

And the request... Easy in practice but.. He swallowed.

"Fine but... I can't... The thought of a healer... A Doctor aye, fine. I'll do whatever you want but I-- I can't trust magic that far, or someone wielding it."

Crowley sat there on the ground next to Alec quietly frowning about the whole thing. Was that a win or a defeat? They were a family on condition, help me or... Or it didn't matter again? And helping would result in the very thing his nightmares had been about. Alec would be lost to him again just as he had been in the flames.

Did Alec have any idea what he was asking for, a noble sacrifice from a demon?

"You really want to see me running naked in the woods?"

That had been one of the 'quests to save Avalon' and Crowley brought it up now, dripping in snark, to gloss over his internal turmoil.

He didn't like it either. It struck oddly. It felt wrong. Even Anthony sitting beside him seemed like an exchange. Do this and I'll do that. Wasn't it enough that they were willing to help? For whatever reason? For this... delusion?

"No... No I don't. Fuck." He wanted to be anywhere else. Why had he said anything? Why had he thought-- because he had wanted to know-- had wanted the help-- but of course Fell would do it and if Fell would Anthony would support him, but it didn't make it right.

"Forget it. Just-- fine. You win. Fight or don't. I don't care. Do nothing all day. Fight me if you want. Fine. I'll do whatever it is you want just-- Christ, I'm tired of this bullshit."

It was nothing they would be satisfied by he knew and maybe there was no satisfaction to be had. Maybe there was nothing but pretend happiness until the inevitable end. Maybe if he were lucky they'd realize it wasn't worth the trouble and he would be back to a lonelier but far less complicated existence.

Crowley's quip couldn't save the moment for him. All Aziraphale could hear was Alec's 'I'm tired of this bullshit.' It made Aziraphale sad, but mostly it made him angry. Angry at Alec for resisting friendship and angry at himself for being a bad friend. Was this how Crowley felt, so many times, with Aziraphale himself?

"No. I don't want to win. I don't want this to have been a fight one side wins and the other side loses. We're supposed to be family and that's supposed to put us all on the same side."

He tossed down his pack in frustration, then kicked it for good measure. He was selfish and wanted things and had been willing to be a bit of a bastard to make it happen. He was willing to bargain. He was willing to make this transactional. The Arrangement had begun as transactional. Love could be tit for tat. It was certainly compromise. He and Crowley compromised loads of times. Both sides were supposed to gain something; it had to have balance. This was none of that.

"If you want to think of love as losing, fine. You may. But I won't be a party to that way of thinking."

There was more to say, but one of the lights that had been hovering floated nearer. He glared at it. "Leave me alone. I'm mad."

Aziraphale kicked his pack? Had he ever in all the centuries they had been together seen Aziraphale mad enough to kick his pack?? Or to kick anything? Aziraphale was never much into that, not a footballer or prone to those little tantrums.

Well...

There had been that time with the holy water. He had been mad enough to crumple a piece of paper and to toss it into the lake where a duck might have gotten ahold of it. Littering! It was the only occasion he could think of the angel littering too, as the disorderly way things had been sorted in his bookshop certainly didn't count.

Crowley glanced between the pair of them, trying to ignore the lights which were coming nearer again.

"Am I the voice of reason here?? Fuck..."

His head lolled back in dramatic fashion as it was not a position he enjoyed being in. He ought to have been the mad one storming off or the asshole pissing everyone off!

"Fine, this is the way it is. And I'm only saying this once! I don't want to make a habit out of this!"

With a deep breath he looked to Alec.

"Alec you are family, that means we give a shit about your sorry ass and we aren't going to stop caring just because you are in fact an ass. You are stuck with us. Sucks to be you, you're going to hate it. But we are here now, helping you, because... we actually... love you. Shut up!"

As a human he had said those words before and meant them several times but 'I love you' from a demon almost burned the tongue! Such tender feelings were usually reserved for Aziraphale who wouldn't laugh or think him an idiot for saying them. They had an understanding.

"Just stop trying to push us away all the time... it isn't going to work cause it's too late, we're already attached to you. Not because you are our pet, the only one who ever thought anything like that was you, but because for whatever cosmic joke reason we actually like you!"

Crowley waved a hand to shoo one of those annoying fairy lights away from his face so when he turned to address Aziraphale he could actually see his angel rather than be blinded by the glow.

"And Aziraphale, nice kick! I didn't know you had a tantrum like that in you!"

This was spoken with one of his winning smiles before he dived into the more serious.

"I get it and feel the same way. Sometimes you just want to strangle him, try growing up with the bastard. But, I suppose he has a point in there some where too. Humans were kicked out of Eden, maybe they were never meant to live there at all. It was too perfect with nothing to do all day but play and eat fruit... This place is a lot like it. It's probably why you and I feel so at home and Alec is trying to climb the proverbial wall. There is nothing for a human to strive for here, everything is solved by magic or easily avoided. They need more than that."

He huffed, finding this being reasonable stuff exhausting.

"So look, we're out here, we're helping you... we're going to continue helping you, worrying about you, and bugging the Hell into you, as that is what family does. That good enough?? Can we get out of the damp cave now??"

Impossible bastards. He too was impressed with the kicking and even managed a wry smile of his own. But as for the rest of it, even though he'd given up, the feeling that he'd tried to repress would no longer be held back. It was foolish and it would hurt and he would-- they would all regret it-- but

--well--

He had too much else to fight and precious little to hold on to.

So might as well hold on for all he was worth.

"We could make a footballer out of him yet." This regarding Fell as he leaned over to rest his head on Anthony's shoulder as he was bloody exhausted. "What do you think? Have him join a club? Though the shorts though, I don't know, might prove too much of a distraction for some."

Yes it was the poking at Fell hour but Anthony would get his due soon.

"Right let's finish this bloody quest... Though.... I'm not sure when I'll be able to get up."

It had so often happened to him but just this once it felt appropriate to do it himself. Crowley reached up to ruffle a few fingers through Alec's hair even as his eyes shifted over to Aziraphale's legs.

"He does have cute ankles."

Tease him for that if you like, it was true!

"Football would be worth watching for some distracting shorts."

"Mmh." His eyes closed at the touch. "Right. Legs."

How dare Crowley be the reasonable one. How dare he have that way with words that Aziraphale praised only moments ago. How dare he look so cheeky and beautiful teasing Aziraphale for his tantrum.

"Oh, shove off, the both of you," he grumbled with a smile. Look at them, his Crowleys, getting along like the family they are. "Although," he agreed with cute vanity, pleased at the attention, "you're right. I would look rather fetching in those shorts and the knee highs." Though he personally preferred instead imagining Crowley in uniform...maybe even the shorter, tighter rugby kit.

They could take their time. Despite the insistence they get out of the damp, they had Alec's health to consider and his pride. No one would be carrying Alec out while he was conscious, that was certain. He dragged the pack over and eased himself down to sit on it at Crowley's other side, grimacing at the thought of sitting on the cave floor or leaning on the wall. There was dirt, possibly mud,and there might be bat droppings!

"Maybe, if you're that keen on football, I'll practice a few penalty kicks later."

Ooo penalty kicks! That set the eyebrows arching with entirely unveiled interest. It was something they had never done together. He was game for it!

Crowley snaked out a hand to snag Aziraphale's as soon as he sat beside him. By now he knew that nightmare had been only an illusion but it was still nice to be reassured of that, to touch him and squeeze his hand, just to feel how very real and alive he was. Crowley would have gone for a hug even if it wouldn't have seemed awkward with the three of them hugging in a cave like lost children.

And there was their new problem, even if the war was over they were still down in this cave. Alec was physically done but likely to put up a fuss if anyone mentioned that to him or tried to tote him out of here. Crowley didn't feel like spending the whole evening in here, freezing his... well, you know... off. It was chilly and likely to get even more so as the night went on. His Angel was set to go on a right rampage if anything dirty or disgusting might happen to stain that jacket of his. So a glimmer of a idea slowly formed. It was a terrible one, something likely to go pear-shaped, but it wasn't like a Pooka could run around like mad in a tunnel. As a bonus there couldn't be any magical tricks so...

"Think you could ride?"

"If you two keep flirting I'll lose what little lunch I had." Said mildly as he really didn't mind. He didn't even feel a stab of jealousy. All he felt was very tired and dangerously warm. This was home, his heart said, and he told it to shut up.

"Hm?" He cracked open an eye at the mention of a ride. "What are you planning? I'm not going to be carted around like a backpack." Even though he deserved it.

"You started it." Oh. But lunch sounded marvelous. He was almost going to dig out the biscuit tin when Crowley made a suggestion.

Aziraphale hadn't even thought of piggyback rides. They were, after all, in Camelot, and if one doesn't have an entourage of coconut-clopping cohorts, one rides horses.

"Oh, Crowley, don't. Don't. They're so ...uncomfortable, and I doubt he comes with a saddle."

"Not a backpack, I'm not offering piggyback rides here. I was thinking more like a cowboy."

Probably a cowboy of the New York city variety but maybe Alec could at least get on Shadow the right way around.

"I could call Shadow, see if he even shows? You've ridden Merry-go-rounds before, its the same thing only," a glance at Aziraphale as he was so right about that, "harder on the buttocks."

"A horse?" He hadn't ridden before, but how hard could it be to just hang on?

"Better than sitting here in the damp... but what about the crystals?"

They had gone too far to leave without them.

The good Mr. Fell was just going to sit here and keep any thoughts about Crowley-on-Crowley piggyback rides or cowboys or things that are hard on the buttocks to himself ...and instead he cleared his throat and fussed with his sleeves and collar.

One of the lights darted forward at the mention of crystals, right up to Alec's nose so he could see her angry expression which looked as red faced as Tinkerbell. Her words were impossibly high pitched to hear but she pointed at the group and then back at the far wall where the other two light spirts flew up to a small ledge that absolutely glittered with crystals.

"Looks like they are up there. Feel like a climb Angel? I'll see about getting Shadow out here."

"Alright, if I must." Aziraphale gave a loud sigh, mostly because it was disrupting his daydream and not because he didn't really want to do any climbing. He pushed himself to his feet, dusted himself off, and handed Crowley the rolled up blanket. "If they're both amenable, you might be able able to use this for a riding blanket? Just, do try to be careful when you unroll it. My biscuit tin is in there and I'd really rather not lose or dent it."

He wasn't even really sure what the crystals were all about, but they'd come this far, as said, so they might as well claim the fruits of their labors.

"And I better not hear any smart comments from you, young man," he warned Alec before heading for the far wall.

No smart comments from him but a wolf whistle when he started to climb. If Fell were to look back he would see a perfectly stone faced Alec.

Given there was no playful cat-calling following the whistle, he almost knew it wasn't his demon. The irritation was mostly for show, because he sort of invited something rude (though he didn't anticipate that one), and he cast a glare over his shoulder at the seemingly innocent Alec.

"Someone's feeling spritely again."

The cavern rang out with a demon's laughter. Alec wasn't wrong but as that had been so unexpected it caught even Crowley off guard!

"Wish I had thought of that!"

But mischief worked best when trying to tempt a Pooka into showing up. Feeling the mirth in the air Shadow ended up trotting into the cavern and whinnying a happy little greeting to the group when he arrived. Though he did wonder what he had missed.

Edited 2021-01-12 03:22 (UTC)

He tucked the crystals carefully against himself as he gathered each of them, and turned and gave Crowley a little less of a glare. The look wanted to be a glare, but mostly it just looked smug and a little pleased and he may have reached a little farther for the last crystal just to show off his backside.

"I hope Shadow's at least a gentleman."

He smirked, both at the laugh and the outrage. It felt good. He hadn't felt that good since--

Well he wasn't going to think about it.

Anyway the horse was bloody tall and even when he managed to get to his feet, just staring at it was intimidating.

"Did you bring a ladder?"

Shadow nickered and stomped a hoof... Now whether that was a horsey catcall or not only someone with working animal talking magic could tell you.

"I think he likes the view too."

The mischievous answer would always be the one Crowley leaned towards.

"Careful on the way back down, Angel, you wouldn't want to bruise that."

Shadow pranced in front of Alec, looking between both he and Crowley like this was an impressively elaborate joke!

"Wait, not yet Alec. You just climb onto a Pooka's back and they take off like lightening."

Crowley stepped forward and carefully reached out a hand to stroke the Pooka's muzzle, something he hadn't done since they had arrived.

"This isn't a game. Alec is important to me... No running around like mad, alright? Take care of him."

The Pooka was a small horse really, one rather like the British breeds who barely stood taller than a man and looked as if they might fall over if anyone full sized sat astride him but actually they could handle a fully armored man.

"And maybe could you kneel? He has had a bad day."

Shadow gave a little snort at that but kneeled he would be easier to climb onto.

Alec is still dubious about the horse. He understood it but by and large wished he hadn't and isn't about to translate it. For the moment though he manages to get on the beast's back, gripping its mane though not too tightly and adjusting his seat until the horse tells him he's tolerable.

"Right... Good..." He stares out at the dark tunnels of the cavern. "Where next." And dear god he hopes this isn't a trial. He wants to sleep. Maybe even eat. Though the thought of going back to that inn room sours his stomach-- he's not about to complain.

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