ʀᴏsʜᴏ ᴛsᴜᴛsᴜᴊɪᴍᴏʀɪ 👨🏫 ᴡɪsᴅᴏᴍ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
glossophobia) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
isleofavalon2021-07-30 05:07 pm
glossophobia) wrote in isleofavalon2021-07-30 05:07 pm
[closed]
🧙 WHO: Rosho and Sasara
⚔️️ WHAT: Sasara finally has a talk with Rosho about Rei's mysterious disappearance
🕒 WHEN: July (pre- monthly event)
🗺️ WHERE: the sasaro house
⚠️ WARNINGS: n/a
[ Rosho wipes his brow then removes his glasses in order to wipe away the heat of the noodles he's just finished removing from the strainer. After a quick once-over at the stove and everything he's prepared, he decides that food is finally ready. He can only hope it tastes as good as he wants it to. Meeting up with Hifumi might have been a bit of an agonizing experience with the exuberance of two annoyingly loud and chipper people with his company, but at least he was able to get a lot of good cooking tips from the meet-up. He's more used to making budget ramen back at home, so this tonkotsu tsukemen he gave a whack at is way out of his usual comfort zone, but its hard to mess up ramen in any form, right? Even if he knows he made a bit too much in terms of noodles.
Picking up his phone from nearby, he checks his messages and finds no reply. There's also no sign of any attempted call. He frowns as he looks at the overabundance of what he made. If Rei doesn't come, at least he knows Sasara has a big enough appetite to go through everything, but still...
While not a mind-reader, Rosho's kuda-gitsune catches on to its owner's actions seeing as he's done this same song and dance over the past few weeks, and chirps up eagerly.
REIREI? REIREI COME?
Rosho looks at him and his wagging tail and can only shake his head. ]
No... I don't think so. Not today.
[ He puts the phone into his back pocket and decides he'd might as well stop trying to expect some sort of response for the rest of the night. He doesn't know how long its been since he last talked to Rei, but it feels like its been forever. From what he's heard, the Roost is staying pretty active, so at least he knows Rei is working. He must be around doing something. He just... won't speak to him or Sasara. And he still doesn't understand why.
Rosho sighs heavily as he speaks to his familiar again. ]
Can ya go get Sasara and tell him dinner's ready?
[ Unfortunately, Archimedes decides it doesn't want to take care of this favor, and even just the mention of Sasara makes him bristle. At least instead of the slew of insults it'd normally make it decides to just disappear in a poof of smoke, leaving Rosho alone and frustrated. ]
Honestly, how long's he gonna keep holding on to this grudge for? [ He grumbles quietly then just gets to work on starting to move the noodles over to the dinning table, calling out to Sasara who he has left waiting in the living room. ]
Sasara, come help me set the table! I'm finished!
⚔️️ WHAT: Sasara finally has a talk with Rosho about Rei's mysterious disappearance
🕒 WHEN: July (pre- monthly event)
🗺️ WHERE: the sasaro house
⚠️ WARNINGS: n/a
[ Rosho wipes his brow then removes his glasses in order to wipe away the heat of the noodles he's just finished removing from the strainer. After a quick once-over at the stove and everything he's prepared, he decides that food is finally ready. He can only hope it tastes as good as he wants it to. Meeting up with Hifumi might have been a bit of an agonizing experience with the exuberance of two annoyingly loud and chipper people with his company, but at least he was able to get a lot of good cooking tips from the meet-up. He's more used to making budget ramen back at home, so this tonkotsu tsukemen he gave a whack at is way out of his usual comfort zone, but its hard to mess up ramen in any form, right? Even if he knows he made a bit too much in terms of noodles.
Picking up his phone from nearby, he checks his messages and finds no reply. There's also no sign of any attempted call. He frowns as he looks at the overabundance of what he made. If Rei doesn't come, at least he knows Sasara has a big enough appetite to go through everything, but still...
While not a mind-reader, Rosho's kuda-gitsune catches on to its owner's actions seeing as he's done this same song and dance over the past few weeks, and chirps up eagerly.
REIREI? REIREI COME?
Rosho looks at him and his wagging tail and can only shake his head. ]
No... I don't think so. Not today.
[ He puts the phone into his back pocket and decides he'd might as well stop trying to expect some sort of response for the rest of the night. He doesn't know how long its been since he last talked to Rei, but it feels like its been forever. From what he's heard, the Roost is staying pretty active, so at least he knows Rei is working. He must be around doing something. He just... won't speak to him or Sasara. And he still doesn't understand why.
Rosho sighs heavily as he speaks to his familiar again. ]
Can ya go get Sasara and tell him dinner's ready?
[ Unfortunately, Archimedes decides it doesn't want to take care of this favor, and even just the mention of Sasara makes him bristle. At least instead of the slew of insults it'd normally make it decides to just disappear in a poof of smoke, leaving Rosho alone and frustrated. ]
Honestly, how long's he gonna keep holding on to this grudge for? [ He grumbles quietly then just gets to work on starting to move the noodles over to the dinning table, calling out to Sasara who he has left waiting in the living room. ]
Sasara, come help me set the table! I'm finished!
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Getting together with Shinjuku's host made for a change of pace, but Sasara can't say he hasn't been thinking about Rei, and yet pretended that his absence doesn't bother him or make him wonder.
Teh—! He can hear chittering in the kitchen. If it was him with the animal magic, there'd be a big fight of Sasara and that regrettably nimble pipe fox bickering even more often! Like this, he's left to knock the contents of his creative mess around, pushing pens and "thumbing" through magazines with half a mind.
That little punk of a familiar...! He oughta ask Rosho what it said again. ]
Eh? Already!? [ Comfortable scrolling through his phone, any online services available here. ] Ya said a while longer! [ It doesn't dawn on Sasara that those things are just said to keep him out of the kitchen, or at least that he ended up so preoccupied. He gets up even through his complaints, though. ]
Aahhh... [ And stretches, but it ain't like he can go about setting up without making noise. ] Seriously, Rosho, ya don't think it's easier to order in?
[ Not that his partner can't cook! Living a bachelor life of luxury back in Osaka, Sasara's kitchen probably hasn't been used more than a handful of times. ] You're off at work all day, then getting home to make dinner...!
[ Don't worry, don't worry—! He's still setting the table meanwhile. ]
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Exactly the reason why Rosho does everything he can to find a way to keep Sasara out of the kitchen. Thankfully whatever he preoccupied himself with in the living room worked. But once he comes right over upon being called, Rosho already wants to hit him. What an ungrateful boyfriend! ]
What a nice way to thank me for all my hard work on this meal I prepared for us.
[ If Sasara wasn't carrying stuff over to the table, he'd whack him upside the head. He'll have to wait for when his hands are empty. ]
Just because ya got the kinda lifestyle that lets ya afford take away all the time. If I wanna cook, I'm gonna cook. We'll order in next time.
[ Even if it is pretty exhausting after a long day of work, this is the sort of thing that Rosho has started to enjoy doing ever since they moved in together. It makes him feel useful. And its not like the kitchen would get any other use from Sasara aside from a place for him to steal Rosho's pudding and sweets.
Rosho helps with setting the table as well before going over to the fridge to get them drinks. Two beers, one for each of them. ]
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A-a-ah...! Don't take it down the wrong pipe! [ ( Teh—! ) The one for that annoying fox ain't the right one either, by the way! ] It's just me saying, you've got the sorta job that makes me wanna put my feet up, at the end of the day.
[ Being a comedian's the better thing to have stuck with than teaching, in that sense. How about a massage? Sasara is probably way too ticklish to boot ( Get it!? On his feet!! ) to enjoy it. The dinnerware being placed down makes noise, just like Sasara, he's not so careful. As chipper as he is despite getting his idea shut down, the ceramics might split.
Rosho is really forgetting the key use Sasara would have for the kitchen: his creamsoda-creation-corner!
Without any cracked bowls, though, he's done as his partner comes to set up. One beer, it'll make for a relaxing evening, just that. Rosho won't drink too much! ]
Say, ya got the day off tomorrow? [ Just in case, though. And he's way ahead of the steaming, and as yet unserved tsukemen... but they haven't had a going-out date in a while. ]
How about we go out, instead? [
Ya know... with Rei missing, they've had no night on the town either.]no subject
You're lucky I'm the one teaching and not you, then.
[ But they're both doing things that they love and that's what matters, regardless of what Sasara always says about him being a teacher. He knows he still sees him with talents he thinks he doesn't have, but that sort of life... the one on stage, he doesn't belong there anymore. Being at the front of a classroom is all Rosho can imagine himself doing now. Its tiring, but that's his life now. He's compromised himself enough.
At least he still has this. The two of them being together, being able to spend time like this. And sometimes, Sasara manages not to think only of terrible puns and bad jokes.
Rosho pauses as he puts the beers down. ]
You mean a date...?
[ Even as his heart flutters a little, his initial instinct is to say no, but he tries to think back on the last time they ever went out— no, they do that often enough. Mostly on the weekends, the days they both have free. But dates, like that time on Valentine's day... they don't do that a lot. And somehow, when you've got your own house, with enough of your hard-earned spending at hand, and you have nothing else to really do, maybe the best thing to do in unwind and indulge? The sort of thing Sasara's used to.
Like he said. Sometimes, Sasara is good for other things. ]
Nothing else has gotta be done about the house, right? So we've got time. And, its been a while... since we did something like that.
[ He looks at Sasara earnestly, pretty pleased but trying to not make it so obvious. ]
Okay.
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Teh! What about, if ya need a substitute? I'll still jump in, ya know!
[ However bad or terrible an idea that may be, that's right... Sasara still thinks his partner can jump back onto the stage from his classroom. That it's not all easy, that there's an issue he, even Rosho himself, can't just wish away or fix single-handedly, he's gotten that now, after everything. But that doesn't beat his faith, his eternal belief that the two of them had something as a team, a chance that's still there and even within reach. Of course, with the strength of three, they're a trio now.
Or were. Hmph. ]
Yeah, how about it?
[ A date! And they don't need Rei for that... not even to pay, really. Sasara is just as aware that it's been some time—the last one they sorta had, they went looking for a house like this one, that's now filled with the aromas of dinner, and Sasara's clutter a little further back in the living area.
His expression doesn't let on about anything else than excitement for the prospect. Rosho... he can tell, ya know! A grin. Still, for now: ]
Let's talk it over while we eat, yeah? [ This comedian can fit so much dinner. After putting his palms on the table left and right of one bowl in front of him, determined, Sasara sits down. ] Ya know, I've been going around town and trying some restaurants! [ On his solo-late-lunch breaks! ]
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His response comes down to a heavy exhale as he grabs the last of what they need at the table, taking his seat. Talking while eating for Sasara sounds like an oxymoron (hah, moron) because he never does a good job of both at the same time, but as long as he doesn't let the ramen go cold, he'll let him ramble all he wants. ]
I'm not surprised. Its like the only other thing that ever goes on in your head aside from bad jokes is food. [ Says the pudding-obsessed sweets lover.... ] Just remember to actually eat. Don't let your mouth run ahead of ya. So, what've ya got to report?
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HAHA, MORON! ...Say that stuff out loud!!
Maybe the reason Sasara doesn't keep any food on is because he burns it right away, using all the calories to talk and talk. Well, it works out that way for him. As if he'd go at it any differently than had Rosho said no, quiet at the dinner table. ]
Heh! [ Yeah, he knows his partner's head's full of pudding-- ] Ahem, there's an Italian place for one. [ And while they're in Europe: ] Belgian too, but that ain't anywhere for ya, I suppose. [ Thoughtful, Sasara reconsiders it as quickly as the words popped out. It's good, but that shop's all beer... he knows how that'd go... ]
And that curry joint downtown-- [ Spicy. ] Ah no, more like, there's a burger place as well. Not anything like Wakudo-B's, ya see, it's all done up and such, down to the menu! [ Sasara's mouth is sprinting. ]
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European food however... that sounds perfect for a date, and his mind is already reeling not at the thought of the food but the desserts. ]
Belgian's got their waffles though, ya know? That would be more of a breakfast thing though... but, Italian would be really nice, wouldn't it? As long as we could afford it.
[ The fancier the meal the more he knows it'll cost, and he doesn't want to put them out too far beyond their budget. Its hard to tell himself no when he's just thinking about sweets, and Italian desserts are renowned. ] I wonder if they'd have Italian ice, or gelato. They'd have to have it on the dessert menu, right? With tiramisu, and hopefully cannoli. I've never got to have one before. They say the ricotta tastes sweet. Did ya know there's a complete different cuisine between Italy and Sicily? Ah, and then there's the Neapolitan ice cream! I saw a documentary saying its inherently an Italian ice cream but the recipe came from a Prussian chef. The original colors are supposed to be green, white and red for the flag of Italy. The green would be pistachio or almond, and the red was supposed to be a cherry flavor. But, because of the sorts of flavors that were most popular in the states its now typically got vanilla, chocolate and strawberry, which means the colors are different now.
[ Both of their mouths are running at the same speed now. ]
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[ Hah, that thought alone is funny and Sasara laughs at himself once again. But he put it out there for a reason, one day they'll end up there. It's less a matter of needing to sell a place if you'll, sooner or later, end up at each of them, ya see! Sasara is recommending good stuff across the board, that's it.
Only watching Sasara and his endless gags, pun and quips, one night as well forget that his partner is just as bad as him, running on words. Look, look... that's where he's the one to jump in with his arms out like a cop stopping traffic—figuratively. Because it's food, it's interesting– but half of it still goes in one ear, out the other! ]
Ah-ahahaha...! If ya run on like that, the ice cream'll just melt, ya know, no matter the flavor! [ What a faux pas...! Wait, no, that's red, white and blue. ] I'm sure they've got a baseline dessert menu, but even I haven't had them all, ya see. There's only so much for NuruSara☆ to eat on his own and still keep this sleek stage presence, ya know!
[ That's a whole lie and a half. But, right... just by himself; even Sasara can't eat the entire menu at once. Who knows what single-serve takeout Rei's been living off of back in his office. If you run—even just the mouth—like that, there's a chance to slip and fall, and even in that chipper tone of his Sasara stops like he just tripped on something. ]
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I'm just giving facts. There's somethin' satisfying about knowing those kinds of things about the food you eat, it ain't always just about putting it in your mouth. Have some appreciation for the history that goes into it.
[ But it would only figure that his words would mostly be hot air. In the end, it does come down to the taste of it than all that history that doesn't exactly do anything to the flavor. At least not to someone like Sasara who eats first and asks questions later— if he asks any questions at all, aside from asking if he can have seconds. Honestly, Rosho wonders how exactly he manages to stay so scrawny. Even for someone like him who adores sweets, he still keeps a conscious mind about working out and keeping himself fit. Sasara can barely even get himself up in the morning. Probably just a high metabolism.
Yet he still clearly loves food. Enough to enjoy it all by himself? Rosho is just imagining the sight of Sasara in some restaurant all on his own going through as much of the menu as he can.
How many times has he gone out on his own... ]
As long as ya don't go treating every place ya go to as a buffet. You'll seriously regret that in the long run. That's why I keep sayin', don't get so comfortable with the habits we've got here.
[ He says that, but it always feels the same, even with them living together. Its just that... something's been missing for a while now. ]
...I don't get it. I can't even get you to eat all on your own, you've always gotta come over to my place. Why are you going out by yourself? Even if I'm at work it's not like you're alone.
[ Rosho thinks back to the message he'd sent earlier. He can't even bring himself to pull out his phone again to check. He knows there won't be any change. Still.
It's still the same, isn't it? With Rei. ]
Have... ya still not been able to talk to Rei at all?
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lecturedtalked. There's a pun slumbering there, about pie charts or some such thing. It's more about the people ya eat with, rather than the origins of tortellini that got jotted down in some old book. ]Eh-heh! It ain't like ya get any taste outta those kinds of dusty cookbooks, though! [ With that, it definitely feels like Foodie #1 has won the argument!!
Though, that's rude, too, ya know! Even he's not getting off that easy. Just because Rosho has never seen it doesn't mean Sasara doesn't work out. It's like Bigfoot, Sasara stepping on a treadmill... alright, he doesn't have those hairy looks either– Point being, it exists even if it's unbelievable! You'd think, for being such a docu-geek Rosho caught at least one of those types of series.
Then again, Rei's more like Bigfoot: big, hairy, and currently out of sight...
Sasara stops on his next bite. ]
Ah, yeah, that's 'cause... [ The remark, his partner's spot-on clue, bothers him and obviously so for as much as he'll try to play it off. ] That old man, he's off somewhere I don't know, ya know?
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Rosho's sick and tired of it. ]
I don't get it. [ He fixes a conflicted look into his bowl, promptly losing his appetite. This isn't a conversation about food anymore. He's not going to let Sasara keep sweeping this issue under the rug. ]
I just— I don't get it. He goes through the trouble of havin'' you and I meet, then you let him join our group. Then he goes out of his way to help us again. Nothing's happened at all between us, no one said anything, and then he decides he wants to go off on his own? Without telling us a single thing about why? If it was a few days it wouldn't be a big deal. If it was a week or two, maybe that'd be a pass, but we haven't seen Rei in over a month. Hell, its gonna be two months! He won't see us, he won't talk to us. Its like we just don't matter, because what? We don't know why! And you're gonna let this keep happenin', just like that? Does he not care anymore? Are we supposed to not care anymore?!
[ Rosho hushes immediately as he realizes he's started to yell. As frustrated as he is, he understands there's no reason to let out his anger on Sasara like this, but in a way... he can't help but be mad at him too. Because he's their leader. He let Rei join this group. And he won't do anything about his absence, as if he's perfectly okay with the whole thing.
No one has a problem with what's going on except for Rosho. He's done pretending to be okay with that. ]
This whole thing, even if I'm makin' it too big of a deal, I can't. I can't help it. It pisses me off so damn much that we trusted him as much as we did and he won't do the same thing with us. Now he doesn't care. And you... you make it seem like ya don't care either. I really... I hate it.
[ He hates it, when he's left in the dark like this. Maybe he cares too much, maybe his heart is too soft, maybe he takes things too seriously. But having Rei with them really started to actually mean something. That old man, as rotten as he can be, as untrustworthy as Rosho knows he should be, he... he's not an inherently bad person.
The person that scammed his student. That's not the only Rei that Rosho knows now. He also knows the one that came to his house to share a drink with him, to talk to him about the person he looks up to the most, to share with him that he too used to have someone he felt the exact same way for.
(Or was that whole thing just a lie? Is this team, just a lie?) ]
What was the point of the two of you teachin' me to be more honest about myself, when no one else in this team wants to do the same thing...?
[ Or is the problem inherently in that single word: team.
Are they not a team anymore? ]
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The way he and Sasara left off, the old man oughta be satisfied with that role he's being given in his absence. That look of his, and parting words, that's something Sasara hasn't been able to shake in weeks now. Truth be, it'd been building, balling into an ever tighter knot in his stomach.
The guilt of it, and how it really went. Sasara isn't readying a quip to get out of this conversation, not as Rosho's voice ebbs with the blame on him. Right, he's some leader... ]
Rosho... [ He's writhing to say anything. ] about all that...
[ He'd said, even in the event of Rei himself making clear he'd keep his secrets, that he wouldn't tell. Sorta... Does it matter, if Rei didn't even care for that promise in the first place? Maybe what Sasara has just said he did without thinking, same as making the old man talk-- ]
It ain't that Rei just up and left.
[ And it's because of that they're no longer a team: there shouldn't have been a talk about giving up secrets. So sinking into his own remorse, Sasara thinks his partner's got it all wrong. He's got it all wrong.
"Stay out of the way if you know what's good for you."
Falling back to secrecy, that's been way too easy. Sasara hears his own pause now, but it's like he can't stand up under the weight of it. There's something to Rei's absence that he knows about, Rosho doesn't. ]
More like... [ While Rosho feels like he knows Rei better than ever, it's become the opposite for him.
Yeah... he's regretting it, old man. ] I know just why.
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And then finally, when the truth of it all comes out, Rosho isn't remotely surprised. It's... disappointing. Once again, Sasara kept the truth from him. But the pattern is predictable. He understands why things are the way they've always been for so long. Bad habits are hard to break.
He won't let things stay like this forever. ]
You've gotta stop doing this kind of thing. Ya take on too much responsibility in regards to everything. If something seems wrong, then it means that's something you've gotta hide, and that's less of a burden on everyone else. That's how it was with us in the beginning.
[ Rei's always been right, that they're far too gentle with each other. They're not made of glass, and yet that's how they keep treating each other, and it keeps them from being as strong as they could be. They need to be able to trust each other. They need to be able to rely upon not just themselves as individuals but what they can do as a team. Yet if Sasara and Rei keep holding onto secrets, then... how are they ever going to move forward? ]
You tried to protect me for a really long time, and I appreciate that. But you don't have to keep doing it anymore.
[ He gives a heavily exhale before finally meeting Sasara's gaze. It seems a lot of the anger has faded away. ]
Whether its for my sake, or Rei's, or ya feel like you've gotta do this for yourself... none of that is right. Its about all three of us from now on.
[ And even if Rei isn't around, there's still two of them. ]
I fought too hard up on that tower to prove myself to you. I didn't do it just so I could be left out in the dark again. Remember. I'm your partner. I'll be by your side through everything. That's where I wanna be. So... please, tell me the truth.
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It's my fault!
[ That's all he gets out, and sticking around to see the emotions change across Rosho's face, he finds out this time, is worse than them splitting without the thought of ever seeing each other again. Coming up from their re-reunion up on Tsutenkaku tower, that sort of height is a way to fall. The steps back down are cracked, left broken behind him. Sasara stumbles over the edge. ]
Even if I wanna be, I'm no good as a leader. Rosho... [ How could accept that, Sasara failing him again? ] Rei, he– [ And it ain't just Rosho.
With his eyes down, just staring at the noodles swimming in the soup and his chopsticks dropped, Sasara's shoulders shake suddenly. He draws a trembling breath to match. ] He lied to us—! [ Hah... to get tricked by some big scam artist like that, it shouldn't come as a surprise. It oughta not hurt like so and feel like as much of a betrayal. ]
He's using us!
[ Being on the same team, though, it's not how it's supposed to be. ]
He made the hypnosis mics and he's with Chuu-oku...!
[ Up until now, Rosho has surely never seen Sasara cry in a miserable way, with a hopeless feeling on every forced breath, with a desperation that doesn't just find a quick quip for an answer. There's only guilt to come washing over his words. ]
There's not a thing I know to do to stop him! [ Even if he said to Rei that he couldn't, wouldn't just let him. He lied too. ]
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It hasn't been until recently that he discovered the answer. It isn't that it's just that easy for him. It's because he pushes himself so, so hard.
What that does to a person is painful beyond words.
When you put something under pressure, it breaks. Everything is like that.
People too.
Rosho stands abruptly from his seat, the chair nearly falling over behind him from how quickly he rises to his feet. He can't believe it, what he's hearing, what he's watching right before him, the way Sasara breaks. The truth of whats been happening, and what its been doing to him. He thought that the secrets would hurt him, he thought he'd feel betrayed, he thought he'd be angry. But he's not any of those things.
He just feels terrible for Sasara, because again, he couldn't do anything to stop this. Someone hurt him the way he shouldn't ever be hurt. And Rosho never knew, and he kept it all to himself, and he... he didn't know. ]
Sasara.
[ Obviously, he can't believe it. His mind is reeling. He wants to say its a joke. Rei. This simple scam artist, this old man whos been with them all this time, this person they allowed to be a part of their team. Rei, who he's allowed into his home, who drinks all his beer, who encourages Sasara with all his stupid jokes, who stays over at late hours like he lives in his place... that person who confided in him that one night, something so personal, something that meant so much to Rosho. All this time, Rei was working with Chuuoku. And Rei was the one that created the mics. How? Why?
Why? Why is this happening? Why would he do this?
Why us? Why is he with us?
Rosho rounds the table to get to Sasara's side, grabs him by the shoulder firmly. ]
Sasara. Sasara. I—
[ He doesn't know what to do. But he needs to try. ]
It's not your fault. It's not. Ya hear me? Nothing ya did was wrong.
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It's no relief to have told him. What Sasara's been thinking that whole time, wanting to go back to, is that some things oughta stay unsaid. How come his partner is the one to try and comfort him?
As a leader... he looks up at Rosho. ]
No, I— [ As a leader, Sasara wonders if by now he even still has a team behind him. His hand, come up to Rosho's chest, meant to push but instead his fingers curl into his partner's sweater. This little team he'd brought together is splitting apart, isn't it? As much as Sasara now tries to hold on. ]
I did something and I oughta not have, just to find out. And then I never told ya...
[ Some leader, who feels like he's the one betraying his teammates now, one after the other. Even that promise they made, to be more truthful with each other, he broke that too. ]
Sorry, Rosho.
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Don't let him be alone, is all Rosho can think. Don't let him go through this alone. Even when Rosho doesn't know what to do. Rei might be gone, but Rosho is still here, and he won't ever leave him. He still has someone he can trust. He still has someone he can depend upon. ]
Don't ya dare apologize to me. Not about anything. Don't. That's not somethin' I'd ever think of askin' ya for.
[ All he could wish for is that he knew about all of this earlier, somehow, in some way. So he could shoulder the feeling that Sasara has right now. Just so he could take all that weight off of him. The feeling of being betrayed in this way... Sasara's trust shouldn't ever be treated like that. Like its nothing.
Rosho holds him tighter as all he can think about is the two of them here. And Rei is gone. And he's done all this, and he'll never understand how they feel. He'll never feel as if he's done anything wrong.
He hurt Sasara, and he can't see it, and he doesn't know the way Rosho knows.
He's going to make that old man pay. He promises, he won't get away with this. ]
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[ It doesn't even need to be said, that finding Sasara at a loss for words is a rarity. That his thoughts and what he's saying aren't getting him where he thinks he should be, either. He screwed up, totally. He wants Rosho to take the apology, even ask him for more than that if he needs to, just to hear it from someone else that he did wrong.
He's only still trusted Rei for this long because of it, just kept silent because he thought that trust meant he owed it.
Even if his partner doesn't wanna hear it: ] I really screwed up.
[ Even if that'll fail to lead Rosho, too, Sasara clings to him as much as to the idea that he'll have to make it right. He hasn't got a clue how, but he doesn't want Dotsuitare Honpo to break apart again. Confidence lingers, as weakly as it does, in that last admission. ]
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Listen to me.
[ He takes Sasara's face in his hands. He can't let him hide from this, what he wants to say. ]
I can't ever imagine making the sort of decisions you've made since the first day I met you. Ya might think they were bad decisions, that ya made mistakes. But you didn't. Those were all your choices and they mattered. Everything that someone does matters in some way.
[ He's always hated it, the negative connotation people create for themselves and others over the simple use of one word: mistake. Its like some terrible, irreparable sort of thing that you should never do, with a painful stigma that lingers until you do something to correct it. But mistakes are natural. Mistakes are everywhere. Everything in this life comes from trial and error. No one is perfect.
What's the problem in messing up here and there? Who does that hurt? What are you doing wrong? Absolutely nothing. You're still learning. All those choices, all those decisions, those have worth in them. ]
Even after I left, you still went after your dream, and you've never stopped. But you couldn't bring yourself to get over me. Ya saw somethin' in the two of us being together that I couldn't. So, when it was time for ya to need a team again, ya knew exactly who to go to. I told ya no, but that didn't matter, because anytime your mind's made up there's no changing it. You're stubborn, but you're also so strong, and so sure, and it was because of that that I chose to be with you again.
[ Slowly, steadily, Rosho would realize that these "mistakes" were nothing. Because they would soon lead him somewhere, as long as he allowed himself to follow the path it'd formed. And that was here. At Sasara's side. Helping him. Supporting him.
Everything, everyone has purpose. Everything you do has worth.
Sometimes you need someone to show it to you. ]
Ya know by now... I've always been afraid of messing up again, of not bein' enough, of not being strong enough. I wanted to be enough. For us, for you. I... I told Rei. I told him that I looked up to you, and that I wanted you to approve of me. That night was when I figured it out. Not because Rei told me anything, but just because he listened to me. I knew that I needed to stop being afraid and having these expectations of myself. I had to prove myself. I had to show you.
[ He can't bring himself to say it with the revelation of what sort of person Rei turned out to be, but Rosho can't say they would've been better off without him. If he'd never joined their team, things would be better.
Maybe, in some sad way... Rosho and Sasara were too blinded by the height of the pedestals they put each other upon to fix the problems they clearly had, and it took someone else to see it and show them what to do in order to bring themselves on equal footing.
That was Rei. ]
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Fleetingly, he doesn't just think about the moment and Rei.
There's nowhere else to look but Rosho's face. To hear these sorts of words and find the wisdom not just in what he's saying, but the look in his partner's eyes. Hah... he can laugh about that one later, maybe. ]
Rosho...
[ If not for some mistakes, things wouldn't have went the way they did. After all, he's said it himself, as for the two of them they would've split anyway, and then what? They wouldn't even be here. Being the one looking up at Rosho, right now, he can't really picture it the other way around—
Sasara suddenly snaps out of it with that thought: How many times is he going to make Rosho say it? That ain't fair. ]
It's on me.
[ His fault... but he isn't saying it to feel sorry, now. Rosho looking up to him, he should have someone worth looking up to. They've come clean about all that, up on the tower, but maybe the meaning of it wasn't there yet. It's not just about the D.R.B., this is about life.
You've gotta be the one to change things yourself.
You can only trust someone else if you decide so yourself. ]
Maybe I thought ya couldn't take it, even though you showed me that ya did. I got it wrong about trusting the old man, so I... [ He finally lets one hand go to wipe his face. ] I got confused, I didn't know what to tell ya. I still don't know what to do but— But I can't do anything on my own!
[ He needs to, despite it all, finally confide in someone else. Right now, there's only one person of that sort. ]
I've gotta rely on you.
[ With the old man's part in all that, it's about Rei having been in their lives, too. An idea Sasara doesn't like is that there ain't a way back... but, the way Rosho says, there oughta be a path forward. ]
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You learn from your mistakes, and you become better, and things get a little easier as the time goes by.
It hurts, but... they'll be okay. ]
Together. If its you and me, we can do it. I know everything'll be fine as long as I'm with you. That's what ya always keep tellin' me. So, don't make me be a broken record too, and make me remind ya all the time. 'cause I will.
[ Its a bit awkward with their positioning, and with food still set up on the table, the noodles and broth going cold by the second, but Rosho doesn't care as he wraps his arms around Sasara's shoulders and pulls him in for a hug. ]