ʀᴏsʜᴏ ᴛsᴜᴛsᴜᴊɪᴍᴏʀɪ 👨🏫 ᴡɪsᴅᴏᴍ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
glossophobia) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
isleofavalon2021-07-30 05:07 pm
glossophobia) wrote in isleofavalon2021-07-30 05:07 pm
[closed]
🧙 WHO: Rosho and Sasara
⚔️️ WHAT: Sasara finally has a talk with Rosho about Rei's mysterious disappearance
🕒 WHEN: July (pre- monthly event)
🗺️ WHERE: the sasaro house
⚠️ WARNINGS: n/a
[ Rosho wipes his brow then removes his glasses in order to wipe away the heat of the noodles he's just finished removing from the strainer. After a quick once-over at the stove and everything he's prepared, he decides that food is finally ready. He can only hope it tastes as good as he wants it to. Meeting up with Hifumi might have been a bit of an agonizing experience with the exuberance of two annoyingly loud and chipper people with his company, but at least he was able to get a lot of good cooking tips from the meet-up. He's more used to making budget ramen back at home, so this tonkotsu tsukemen he gave a whack at is way out of his usual comfort zone, but its hard to mess up ramen in any form, right? Even if he knows he made a bit too much in terms of noodles.
Picking up his phone from nearby, he checks his messages and finds no reply. There's also no sign of any attempted call. He frowns as he looks at the overabundance of what he made. If Rei doesn't come, at least he knows Sasara has a big enough appetite to go through everything, but still...
While not a mind-reader, Rosho's kuda-gitsune catches on to its owner's actions seeing as he's done this same song and dance over the past few weeks, and chirps up eagerly.
REIREI? REIREI COME?
Rosho looks at him and his wagging tail and can only shake his head. ]
No... I don't think so. Not today.
[ He puts the phone into his back pocket and decides he'd might as well stop trying to expect some sort of response for the rest of the night. He doesn't know how long its been since he last talked to Rei, but it feels like its been forever. From what he's heard, the Roost is staying pretty active, so at least he knows Rei is working. He must be around doing something. He just... won't speak to him or Sasara. And he still doesn't understand why.
Rosho sighs heavily as he speaks to his familiar again. ]
Can ya go get Sasara and tell him dinner's ready?
[ Unfortunately, Archimedes decides it doesn't want to take care of this favor, and even just the mention of Sasara makes him bristle. At least instead of the slew of insults it'd normally make it decides to just disappear in a poof of smoke, leaving Rosho alone and frustrated. ]
Honestly, how long's he gonna keep holding on to this grudge for? [ He grumbles quietly then just gets to work on starting to move the noodles over to the dinning table, calling out to Sasara who he has left waiting in the living room. ]
Sasara, come help me set the table! I'm finished!
⚔️️ WHAT: Sasara finally has a talk with Rosho about Rei's mysterious disappearance
🕒 WHEN: July (pre- monthly event)
🗺️ WHERE: the sasaro house
⚠️ WARNINGS: n/a
[ Rosho wipes his brow then removes his glasses in order to wipe away the heat of the noodles he's just finished removing from the strainer. After a quick once-over at the stove and everything he's prepared, he decides that food is finally ready. He can only hope it tastes as good as he wants it to. Meeting up with Hifumi might have been a bit of an agonizing experience with the exuberance of two annoyingly loud and chipper people with his company, but at least he was able to get a lot of good cooking tips from the meet-up. He's more used to making budget ramen back at home, so this tonkotsu tsukemen he gave a whack at is way out of his usual comfort zone, but its hard to mess up ramen in any form, right? Even if he knows he made a bit too much in terms of noodles.
Picking up his phone from nearby, he checks his messages and finds no reply. There's also no sign of any attempted call. He frowns as he looks at the overabundance of what he made. If Rei doesn't come, at least he knows Sasara has a big enough appetite to go through everything, but still...
While not a mind-reader, Rosho's kuda-gitsune catches on to its owner's actions seeing as he's done this same song and dance over the past few weeks, and chirps up eagerly.
REIREI? REIREI COME?
Rosho looks at him and his wagging tail and can only shake his head. ]
No... I don't think so. Not today.
[ He puts the phone into his back pocket and decides he'd might as well stop trying to expect some sort of response for the rest of the night. He doesn't know how long its been since he last talked to Rei, but it feels like its been forever. From what he's heard, the Roost is staying pretty active, so at least he knows Rei is working. He must be around doing something. He just... won't speak to him or Sasara. And he still doesn't understand why.
Rosho sighs heavily as he speaks to his familiar again. ]
Can ya go get Sasara and tell him dinner's ready?
[ Unfortunately, Archimedes decides it doesn't want to take care of this favor, and even just the mention of Sasara makes him bristle. At least instead of the slew of insults it'd normally make it decides to just disappear in a poof of smoke, leaving Rosho alone and frustrated. ]
Honestly, how long's he gonna keep holding on to this grudge for? [ He grumbles quietly then just gets to work on starting to move the noodles over to the dinning table, calling out to Sasara who he has left waiting in the living room. ]
Sasara, come help me set the table! I'm finished!
no subject
And then finally, when the truth of it all comes out, Rosho isn't remotely surprised. It's... disappointing. Once again, Sasara kept the truth from him. But the pattern is predictable. He understands why things are the way they've always been for so long. Bad habits are hard to break.
He won't let things stay like this forever. ]
You've gotta stop doing this kind of thing. Ya take on too much responsibility in regards to everything. If something seems wrong, then it means that's something you've gotta hide, and that's less of a burden on everyone else. That's how it was with us in the beginning.
[ Rei's always been right, that they're far too gentle with each other. They're not made of glass, and yet that's how they keep treating each other, and it keeps them from being as strong as they could be. They need to be able to trust each other. They need to be able to rely upon not just themselves as individuals but what they can do as a team. Yet if Sasara and Rei keep holding onto secrets, then... how are they ever going to move forward? ]
You tried to protect me for a really long time, and I appreciate that. But you don't have to keep doing it anymore.
[ He gives a heavily exhale before finally meeting Sasara's gaze. It seems a lot of the anger has faded away. ]
Whether its for my sake, or Rei's, or ya feel like you've gotta do this for yourself... none of that is right. Its about all three of us from now on.
[ And even if Rei isn't around, there's still two of them. ]
I fought too hard up on that tower to prove myself to you. I didn't do it just so I could be left out in the dark again. Remember. I'm your partner. I'll be by your side through everything. That's where I wanna be. So... please, tell me the truth.
no subject
It's my fault!
[ That's all he gets out, and sticking around to see the emotions change across Rosho's face, he finds out this time, is worse than them splitting without the thought of ever seeing each other again. Coming up from their re-reunion up on Tsutenkaku tower, that sort of height is a way to fall. The steps back down are cracked, left broken behind him. Sasara stumbles over the edge. ]
Even if I wanna be, I'm no good as a leader. Rosho... [ How could accept that, Sasara failing him again? ] Rei, he– [ And it ain't just Rosho.
With his eyes down, just staring at the noodles swimming in the soup and his chopsticks dropped, Sasara's shoulders shake suddenly. He draws a trembling breath to match. ] He lied to us—! [ Hah... to get tricked by some big scam artist like that, it shouldn't come as a surprise. It oughta not hurt like so and feel like as much of a betrayal. ]
He's using us!
[ Being on the same team, though, it's not how it's supposed to be. ]
He made the hypnosis mics and he's with Chuu-oku...!
[ Up until now, Rosho has surely never seen Sasara cry in a miserable way, with a hopeless feeling on every forced breath, with a desperation that doesn't just find a quick quip for an answer. There's only guilt to come washing over his words. ]
There's not a thing I know to do to stop him! [ Even if he said to Rei that he couldn't, wouldn't just let him. He lied too. ]
no subject
It hasn't been until recently that he discovered the answer. It isn't that it's just that easy for him. It's because he pushes himself so, so hard.
What that does to a person is painful beyond words.
When you put something under pressure, it breaks. Everything is like that.
People too.
Rosho stands abruptly from his seat, the chair nearly falling over behind him from how quickly he rises to his feet. He can't believe it, what he's hearing, what he's watching right before him, the way Sasara breaks. The truth of whats been happening, and what its been doing to him. He thought that the secrets would hurt him, he thought he'd feel betrayed, he thought he'd be angry. But he's not any of those things.
He just feels terrible for Sasara, because again, he couldn't do anything to stop this. Someone hurt him the way he shouldn't ever be hurt. And Rosho never knew, and he kept it all to himself, and he... he didn't know. ]
Sasara.
[ Obviously, he can't believe it. His mind is reeling. He wants to say its a joke. Rei. This simple scam artist, this old man whos been with them all this time, this person they allowed to be a part of their team. Rei, who he's allowed into his home, who drinks all his beer, who encourages Sasara with all his stupid jokes, who stays over at late hours like he lives in his place... that person who confided in him that one night, something so personal, something that meant so much to Rosho. All this time, Rei was working with Chuuoku. And Rei was the one that created the mics. How? Why?
Why? Why is this happening? Why would he do this?
Why us? Why is he with us?
Rosho rounds the table to get to Sasara's side, grabs him by the shoulder firmly. ]
Sasara. Sasara. I—
[ He doesn't know what to do. But he needs to try. ]
It's not your fault. It's not. Ya hear me? Nothing ya did was wrong.
no subject
It's no relief to have told him. What Sasara's been thinking that whole time, wanting to go back to, is that some things oughta stay unsaid. How come his partner is the one to try and comfort him?
As a leader... he looks up at Rosho. ]
No, I— [ As a leader, Sasara wonders if by now he even still has a team behind him. His hand, come up to Rosho's chest, meant to push but instead his fingers curl into his partner's sweater. This little team he'd brought together is splitting apart, isn't it? As much as Sasara now tries to hold on. ]
I did something and I oughta not have, just to find out. And then I never told ya...
[ Some leader, who feels like he's the one betraying his teammates now, one after the other. Even that promise they made, to be more truthful with each other, he broke that too. ]
Sorry, Rosho.
no subject
Don't let him be alone, is all Rosho can think. Don't let him go through this alone. Even when Rosho doesn't know what to do. Rei might be gone, but Rosho is still here, and he won't ever leave him. He still has someone he can trust. He still has someone he can depend upon. ]
Don't ya dare apologize to me. Not about anything. Don't. That's not somethin' I'd ever think of askin' ya for.
[ All he could wish for is that he knew about all of this earlier, somehow, in some way. So he could shoulder the feeling that Sasara has right now. Just so he could take all that weight off of him. The feeling of being betrayed in this way... Sasara's trust shouldn't ever be treated like that. Like its nothing.
Rosho holds him tighter as all he can think about is the two of them here. And Rei is gone. And he's done all this, and he'll never understand how they feel. He'll never feel as if he's done anything wrong.
He hurt Sasara, and he can't see it, and he doesn't know the way Rosho knows.
He's going to make that old man pay. He promises, he won't get away with this. ]
no subject
[ It doesn't even need to be said, that finding Sasara at a loss for words is a rarity. That his thoughts and what he's saying aren't getting him where he thinks he should be, either. He screwed up, totally. He wants Rosho to take the apology, even ask him for more than that if he needs to, just to hear it from someone else that he did wrong.
He's only still trusted Rei for this long because of it, just kept silent because he thought that trust meant he owed it.
Even if his partner doesn't wanna hear it: ] I really screwed up.
[ Even if that'll fail to lead Rosho, too, Sasara clings to him as much as to the idea that he'll have to make it right. He hasn't got a clue how, but he doesn't want Dotsuitare Honpo to break apart again. Confidence lingers, as weakly as it does, in that last admission. ]
no subject
Listen to me.
[ He takes Sasara's face in his hands. He can't let him hide from this, what he wants to say. ]
I can't ever imagine making the sort of decisions you've made since the first day I met you. Ya might think they were bad decisions, that ya made mistakes. But you didn't. Those were all your choices and they mattered. Everything that someone does matters in some way.
[ He's always hated it, the negative connotation people create for themselves and others over the simple use of one word: mistake. Its like some terrible, irreparable sort of thing that you should never do, with a painful stigma that lingers until you do something to correct it. But mistakes are natural. Mistakes are everywhere. Everything in this life comes from trial and error. No one is perfect.
What's the problem in messing up here and there? Who does that hurt? What are you doing wrong? Absolutely nothing. You're still learning. All those choices, all those decisions, those have worth in them. ]
Even after I left, you still went after your dream, and you've never stopped. But you couldn't bring yourself to get over me. Ya saw somethin' in the two of us being together that I couldn't. So, when it was time for ya to need a team again, ya knew exactly who to go to. I told ya no, but that didn't matter, because anytime your mind's made up there's no changing it. You're stubborn, but you're also so strong, and so sure, and it was because of that that I chose to be with you again.
[ Slowly, steadily, Rosho would realize that these "mistakes" were nothing. Because they would soon lead him somewhere, as long as he allowed himself to follow the path it'd formed. And that was here. At Sasara's side. Helping him. Supporting him.
Everything, everyone has purpose. Everything you do has worth.
Sometimes you need someone to show it to you. ]
Ya know by now... I've always been afraid of messing up again, of not bein' enough, of not being strong enough. I wanted to be enough. For us, for you. I... I told Rei. I told him that I looked up to you, and that I wanted you to approve of me. That night was when I figured it out. Not because Rei told me anything, but just because he listened to me. I knew that I needed to stop being afraid and having these expectations of myself. I had to prove myself. I had to show you.
[ He can't bring himself to say it with the revelation of what sort of person Rei turned out to be, but Rosho can't say they would've been better off without him. If he'd never joined their team, things would be better.
Maybe, in some sad way... Rosho and Sasara were too blinded by the height of the pedestals they put each other upon to fix the problems they clearly had, and it took someone else to see it and show them what to do in order to bring themselves on equal footing.
That was Rei. ]
no subject
Fleetingly, he doesn't just think about the moment and Rei.
There's nowhere else to look but Rosho's face. To hear these sorts of words and find the wisdom not just in what he's saying, but the look in his partner's eyes. Hah... he can laugh about that one later, maybe. ]
Rosho...
[ If not for some mistakes, things wouldn't have went the way they did. After all, he's said it himself, as for the two of them they would've split anyway, and then what? They wouldn't even be here. Being the one looking up at Rosho, right now, he can't really picture it the other way around—
Sasara suddenly snaps out of it with that thought: How many times is he going to make Rosho say it? That ain't fair. ]
It's on me.
[ His fault... but he isn't saying it to feel sorry, now. Rosho looking up to him, he should have someone worth looking up to. They've come clean about all that, up on the tower, but maybe the meaning of it wasn't there yet. It's not just about the D.R.B., this is about life.
You've gotta be the one to change things yourself.
You can only trust someone else if you decide so yourself. ]
Maybe I thought ya couldn't take it, even though you showed me that ya did. I got it wrong about trusting the old man, so I... [ He finally lets one hand go to wipe his face. ] I got confused, I didn't know what to tell ya. I still don't know what to do but— But I can't do anything on my own!
[ He needs to, despite it all, finally confide in someone else. Right now, there's only one person of that sort. ]
I've gotta rely on you.
[ With the old man's part in all that, it's about Rei having been in their lives, too. An idea Sasara doesn't like is that there ain't a way back... but, the way Rosho says, there oughta be a path forward. ]
no subject
You learn from your mistakes, and you become better, and things get a little easier as the time goes by.
It hurts, but... they'll be okay. ]
Together. If its you and me, we can do it. I know everything'll be fine as long as I'm with you. That's what ya always keep tellin' me. So, don't make me be a broken record too, and make me remind ya all the time. 'cause I will.
[ Its a bit awkward with their positioning, and with food still set up on the table, the noodles and broth going cold by the second, but Rosho doesn't care as he wraps his arms around Sasara's shoulders and pulls him in for a hug. ]