isleofavalon | September Catchall

[It's so uncharacteristically genuine that he can't help but be touched. Still, at the same time.... it's Claude being just as foolish as usual. Lorenz' next breath comes out as a stifled little scoff, eyes rolling as he lets his hand slip down to rest on Claude's shoulder, fingers curled lightly at the nape of his neck.]

You say that as though it's something new.

[But he can't help the way what might usually have been a smug smirk turns up into a more genuine, pleased sort of smile.]

I'm sure you can find one or two willing to stay beside you. Even when you are being a hypocrite.

[A short laugh in return.] One or two? That's awfully generous. I may have one in mind already...

[He reaches up to brush violet strands of hair from Lorenz's eyes, and his own gaze is bright as he leans in to kiss him once more. Not a quick, teasing thing, this time, but something genuine, something he wants both of them to savour. One hand tangles in his hair, the free hand settles at the small of Lorenz's back, holding their bodies flush; he just hopes it isn't too obvious how much his heart is racing.

Not that he has anywhere to hide any more. Not when he's offering everything like this.]

[In some way it's still so surreal he has trouble believing this is actually happening. Gasping softly at the words, the tender touch, reeling with the impossibility of it. But Claude kisses him and Lorenz melts into him, leaning against him in a way that is a bit dangerous given how much taller he is. Long fingers slide up into dark curls and he answers the guiding hand on his back eagerly enough. Pressed against each other like that it's surprisingly hard to tell just how much Claude's heart might be racing over the rush of his own pulse in his ears.

He's distantly aware of a quiet little sound in his throat, encouraging without really having any idea what to do other than savor the warmth of the man against him, the softness of his lips. As much as the thought of kissing anyone had sent fear and anxiety dragging him down a dark spiral before, the actual act leaves him surprisingly, delightfully thoughtless.

And breathless.

A realization that makes him draw back slightly to suck in a shaky breath, eyes still closed, head tipping forward to rest his forehead against Claude's.]

Khalid... you- [He wets his lips lightly, tries to figure out how to ask what he wants to. Or if he even should. Claude had said- but he still struggled to wrap his head around it.]

are you sure...?

[It's a little unexpected, the way Lorenz just melts into him like that, but Claude's more than capable of propping them both up, even if they're no longer weightless like before. And the sound is reassuring -- that he's doing something right, that he didn't overstep and send Lorenz into a panic.

Claude opens his eyes briefly to regard Lorenz as he draws back, only to close them again as their foreheads press together, holding Lorenz to keep him steady. To reassure him he's not going anywhere.]

I'm sure. [He still feels strangely vulnerable, and he's glad Lorenz isn't looking at him like this, but he's done letting that fear that hold him back all the same.] What about you? Is this... okay?

[Lorenz shakes his head slightly, just a little roll to one side then the other and Claude can likely feel the way his brow furrows.]

I don't... know?

[His next breath comes out shaky and strained and his hands both come up to settle against Claude's chest, grounding, somehow. But isn't that part of the problem? Leaning on Claude like this, literally and figuratively. The fact that he wants to turn that question back around on Claude. Is it okay? Can it be when he is still floundering to figure out so much about himself?]

This doesn't feel real- [A sharp little laugh, caught somewhere just shy of falling into hysterics again. He finally pulls back enough to blink down at Claude, one hand covering his face to stop that strained laugh from getting out of control.]

Well... Let's just dial it down a notch for now, shall we? [No more kissing, in other words, so Lorenz can actually collect his thoughts. Claude rests a hand on his forearm and offers him an easy smile.]

It's definitely real. I may have acted a little-- impulsively, but it felt like the right thing to do.

[And if that was wrong, he's in no doubt Lorenz will tell him sooner rather than later, just as he's ever quick to point out Claude's various other flaws and misdemeanours.]

Impulsive? You?

[Another laugh, though this time not quite so close to spiraling into a freak out. He really is doing his best to keep himself together, even if it feels like he's failing miserably. He takes the space Claude offers him, takes a moment to try to remember how to breathe.]

I'm glad you did... I'd- Goddess, I don't know if I'd ever have been able to-

[Admit how much Claude means to him even though it's so glaringly obvious to everyone around them.]

It's okay. Really. [He tilts his head a little with a smile, regarding him.] I meant what I said, though. I have been thinking a lot lately, and I realise I just haven't been honest.

[With himself, or with anyone else. It did feel like a betrayal of his own values, given everything he's talked about.]

And... [He pauses, looks away then back up at Lorenz.] I really do want you to be happy. You mean so much to me, Lorenz. Whatever you feel... Whoever you want to be... You deserve a future where you can smile and laugh every day. Just like today.

[What that future looks like, of course, is Lorenz's decision. Claude won't push him into anything. But he does, at least, want to make that much clear.]

I.... I do?

[It comes out without his permission, a whisper of a question that immediately makes him frown and wish he could take it back. His gaze flits away, staring down at the space between them, his hand still curled against his chest. He hates how fragile that question makes him feel but it's one he doesn't take back either because... well because he couldn't help doubting, not when Claude would leave without so much as a goodbye.]

You... You know you mean the world to me, right? [Because if Claude is being honest then it's only fair that Lorenz do the same, even if a lot of it is things he's been lying to himself about for years.]

I mean... I've probably- [He finally meets Claude's gaze again, brief and scared with glossy violet eyes and something wet in the deep breath he takes before he continues speaking, barely more than a whisper.] been in love with you since we were teenagers. Even if I wouldn't let myself recognize it.

I don't know how to just... be happy. But I know I was miserable without you. [It's going to take some time for him to figure out who and what he wants to be, beyond just "not like father". It will also take time for him to figure out what makes him happy just for it's own sake and without any deeper political implications. They're things he does want to figure out though, things that he wants to figure out with Claude beside him, even. But stopping himself from stepping back to look to Claude for guidance in such things isn't any better than defining himself by his father's rules.]

Since all the way back then? Sure, you were obsessed with me, but... [Well, he figured Lorenz was just following his father's orders to keep tabs, but otherwise he couldn't stand him. It was only when the war kicked off and Lorenz defied his father to return to Garreg Mach that Claude wondered if things were a little more complicated.]

I... didn't realise. And I wouldn't have left so abruptly if I knew you'd have been miserable. I just didn't want you to learn the truth, only for you to hate me.

[He knows better now of course, but back then, how Lorenz would take the news was a dangerous gamble he didn't care to take. Not when Fódlan needed unity above all else.]

But enough about me. Anything you do from here is your call, all right? Just take some time to think about that.

[Lorenz' face flushes darkly and he shoots Claude a withering glare at first. He was not obsessed. Don't make it sound so creepy.

But they've talked about how he left, why, what dangers there were. Lorenz understands it, really he does. But that doesn't make the hurt simply go away. It does, at least, make it easier to recognize some of his own thoughts and feelings, though.]

I will. [A weak, watery laugh.] I doubt I'll be thinking of anything else for... a long while.

All right. [Claude relinquishes his hold on Lorenz before the man really does burst into tears, and goes for a lighthearted distraction instead.]

Just try to think about a few other things. Like the job we were paid to come here to do, for example.

[They kind of wasted all their bubbles on dancing... Worth it, but still.]

[At first he's reluctant to truly let go of Claude, like all of this might turn out to be a dream if he does. Except Claude reminds him that they're both in public and meant to be working.

He goes very still, looking around the first time to determine whether anyone is looking at them. The second time seemingly to verify for himself that this is real. His face had been flushed before but now it deepens to a dark, splotchy, ugly shade. ]

The job. Yes, of course. [No one around them seems to care and "around" is perhaps a stretch. The cavern is quite large after all. ]

Merely... Getting accustomed to the mechanics of flight. [ A sharp look that is a clear threat. No, he's not convincing but if someone were to confront them best to have some sort of rationale at hand. ]

Now if only you would stop distracting me. [It would almost be believable if not for the stubborn hint of a smile and the fondness in his gaze. ]

Right, right! I can see you're a terribly busy man. Don't let me be a distraction.

[He winks and sidles off to go get more bubbly goodness. Maybe a different flavour this time? Regardless, he'll let Lorenz try to keep up his pitiful act of convincing others nothing happened here -- it should be funny to watch unfold.

And, okay, maybe Claude has a few things of his own to think about. Just maybe.]

September Catchall

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