Two can be as bad as one

[leitstern]

🧙 WHO: Hendrik and Jasper
⚔️️ WHAT: Conversation
🕒 WHEN: 1st week in August
🗺️ WHERE: Home
⚠️ WARNINGS: Editing as needed



[The light on the porch shines though the sky is dark with night. Jasper lounges in one of the chairs, feet dumped on the coffee table. One hand holds a book, a glass of red wine in the other. A drained bottle stands beside his chair, uncorked and shaded green. The door is open to the garden, letting in the smell of grass and summer heat.

He flips his hair away from his eyes and looks over his shoulder when he hears the front door. The releasing of a latch and the creaking of wood catching his attention, making him seethe. He bristles in his chair, cradling his wine and his loneliness. But he chooses this stange relationship over his anger and sets his glass on the table. For the most part, he keeps silent and continues reading, lost in that strange world between the waking world and his unconscious.

The words blur on the page as he slurs his own. Is Hendrik a foot past the door? He doesn't really know but he'll yell anyway.]

Ah! The prodigal son returns at last!

Comments

[standvastig]

[The ride to clear his thoughts ceased being pleasant in the last leg of the journey back to the city. He allowed himself to succumb to lonesome thoughts of missing Obsidian, even as he thanks the sweet and sometimes vocal mare in his ownership for her thoughtful nibbles.

The few lights on in the house are enough to convince him that Jasper is awake; he has little doubt the man would douse all the lights on his way to bed. He doesn't bother to try sneaking as he enters the house; even if he was any good at it, he is sure to hear--

Ah. Yes. There.]

Good evening, Jasper.

[leitstern]

[Jasper crosses a leg as he finds himself fretting over thoughts of future conversation. Hendrik had deflected the brunt of his feelings in favour of acknowledging them today. Truth be told, he would rather acknowledge nothing at all.

Upon reflection, he recognises the need to nip the issue before it becomes a problem. The frown curling his lips twitches as his leg crosses below his knee. The first sign of his worry is the way his fingers curl around the edges of his book, lain gently upon his thigh.]

The hour is a bit late, is it not?

[A slow, steady start. Nothing fancy.]

[standvastig]

[Hendrik works off his gloves after securing the door behind him, tucking them into his belt and busying himself as to keep his full attention off of Jasper and the conversation at hand.]

It is, I suppose.

[Though his answer is simple, it is not clipped. He glances over to see the bottle and the edge of Jasper's book.]

You remain up. A good book?

[leitstern]

[The question takes a moment to pierce through the haze of wine and time. This late hour when he should be reading in bed - because they both know he should be up for awhile. He finds himself turning the page out of boredom and longing for drinking out the bottle.]

I have chosen better.

[He uncurls his leg and rests his feet upon the table once more.]

It escapes me why you go along with this ridiculous charade. You have never encountered any of your countrymen.

[standvastig]

[The comment goes without an answer for a long moment as Hendrik steps to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. Just looking at that wine at the moment is making him think about drinking.]

If I am going along with some charade, I assure you it is unintentional. I try to be honest.

[leitstern]

[Jasper leans forward and places his book on the table. Then he leans right, stretching to claim the bottle and reclaim his glass. The former refills the latter and he immediately downs half.]

I know. I just cannot understand why waiting is important to you. I doubt His Majesty shall crawl out the woodwork any time soon.

[He came close to calling their adoptive parent old man. Perhaps this feelings are best left unexplored.]

[standvastig]

[He drinks, mulling over Jasper's comments with a sigh. Did Jasper think he left to see if he knew someone among the new arrivals?]

It is a matter of helping, not waiting. Perhaps you do not feel the same desire, but I spent a long time doing what I thought was helping others. Following a duty.

[Perhaps it was a bad idea to bring up such things, but he wasn't the one who opened with that topic.]

[leitstern]

[There is a tense silence that persists, broken only when Jasper stops to drink from his glass.]

I hardly understand why you feel obligated to help people with whom you have nothing in common.

[It is a cold speech considering all Hendrik has lost. It doesn't quite register with him.]

[standvastig]

[Hendrik glances back over in the direction of his old friend. Is it truly so difficult to understand?]

It is not an obligation, Jasper. It is something I want to do.

[Perhaps he does not often volunteer, and he does not throw himself to the defense of this kingdom and its king, but...]

No one was obligated to take me in when I had nothing.

[leitstern]

[Jasper sets his glass on the table and closes his book. For the first time in this conversation, he listens to what his old friend is saying. His usual reluctance to heed emotion easier to ignore outside the bounds of their world.

Their world. Their home. His fingers curl around his book but he throws it onto the table, agitated by his train of thought.]

No. Well, you had nobody to beseech on your behalf.

[His voice is thoughtful, a certain care in his tone.]

I just cannot understand why...

[His mother had asked His Majesty to take him to the castle. What is that if not obligation?]

[standvastig]

Cannot understand?

[He repeats the words while leaning against the counter, taking a deep drink of his glass of water before setting it aside. Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised at this point, considering past conversations.]

Some will help no matter what. It does not matter if they have a contrary opinion, or if it will end in their death. They will help, regardless of duty or title.

[leitstern]

[There is no reaction.

Jasper rises to his feet and stands in silence, indulging in a moment of thought before approaching the window. He stands in silence for a time and more. Hands clasping behind as his eyes squint and become sore. Better to turn around he thinks, until he finds he cannot turn at all.

His arms wrap around himself and his foot hesitates to move.]

I find that incredibly foolish.

[His voice? It's wavering.]

[standvastig]

Of course you would.

[Hendrik answers even before he's processed that there is something off in Jasper's voice, as can sometimes happen. He rubs a knuckle across his forehead, as if trying to clear his head.]

Your job as tactician was to preserve life and minimize casualties with your plans. The selfless and the heroes get in the way.

[leitstern]

People rarely act as precisely as you direct.

[It is an educational statement that he feels separated from with each passing second. He taps his foot and crosses his arms tightly.]

That is why I prefer animals and monsters on the whole. They listen when I talk.

[standvastig]

Of course. If that were the case, it would have been a simple matter capturing the Luminary, would it not?

[Perhaps it's his thinking of home today that makes him bring up such a subject. He sighs.]

It does not change what I said. There are many reasons to help others.

[leitstern]

[Jasper murmurs but has nothing to say. His plan had been to track and stalk the unfortunate hero through the continents; affording him enough rope to climb Yggdrasil before hanging him with it. His plan had come to fruition. That the boy had lived? Well, that was a freak occurance of nature.

Looking at the trees shading the garden makes him wonder. Perhaps Yggdrasil had saved the boy after all? He crosses his arms to the point of pain. Yggdrasil had saved her chosen but not Dundrasil. Not his mother nor Hendrik's family. What about her is worth believing?]

What would be the point? People hardly listened to what I had to say. My time was precious enough without being wasted on imbeciles.

[Those people who had ignored his questions about the behavior of His Majesty are who he has in mind.]

[standvastig]

[The question reverberates in Hendrik's head as he shifts against the counter, looking across the way to where Jasper continues staring outside.]

Surely you have done something simply because you wanted to do it? That is the point.

[It takes him a long moment to try continuing from there.]

I do not know, Jasper. You decide your own reasons to act or not act.

[leitstern]

That I cannot say.

[If anything, he is reluctant to speak. Months have passed since he began having thoughts of being manipulated. Others might suggest he should be willing to share his feelings - but when has that ever done him well?

He grasps the back of his hair; undoing his hairtie as he strides back towards Hendrik. A little water stains his eyes and they narrow as he walks by. Eager to reach the bathroom and close the door on his problems.]

[standvastig]

[There is something about Jasper's actions that spur Hendrik in motion -- perhaps it is the blunt way he speaks and moves to walk away, or how he undoes his hairtie as if retiring for the evening and ending the conversation there. But he catches Jasper's arm as he moves past, holding firm and finally willing himself to look at his old friend for longer than a second.]

You are asking these questions for a reason, Jasper. Why?

[leitstern]

[After four solid hours of wondering why, Jasper finds himself faced with that question. He is forced to stop in the middle of his stride and finds he cannot escape answering after all. His chest rises enough that he might well be losing his temper - but nothing comes of it. He reaches for those fingers gripping him firm and makes a poor attempt to pry them free.]

Hendrik, I am exhausted and hardly in the mood.

[Granted, he fails because of the strength of the taller man. He deflates with a tired exhale and stands limp. He is not firing back a remark or demand.]

Let me go.

[standvastig]

[Despite the lack of resistance from Jasper, Hendrik holds firm, wary as if expecting something more if he relents now. His eyes search for the other man's, claret red where they were once gold. Clear and tired where they were once cold.]

I will not. I am not looking for a fight, Jasper -- just an answer.

[leitstern]

That is precisely what I am searching for! But I cannot figure out the question.

[Slight by anyone's standards, this change in demeanour is pronounced enough to prompt some version of the truth. The realisation he is being watched leads him to turn away. His gaze directs towards the floor. Anywhere but towards his old friend.]

I have no idea what to say. I hardly know who I am these days.

[standvastig]

[Hendrik lets his grip loosen, hand trailing from Jasper's elbow to his wrist. It doesn't even occur to him how little he has actually had physical contact with his childhood friend in years.]

...I see.

[It's easy to say the words, but properly analyzing them takes more than a momentary silence. Still, he does not let go.

Slowly, he eventually realizes that he understands -- at least in part. He had come to expect others to impress upon him their ideas of who he was, rarely giving it much thought. In the aftermath of Yggdrasil's fall, he started internally warring with what the people said of him.

Some form of identity crisis.

He opens his mouth to say something, but hesitates on his wording. His question is slow in forming on his lips.]

Who do you want to be?

[leitstern]

[Jasper furrows his brow. Signs are pointing towards how his companion might relinquish his grip and afford him freedom. Sadly, he is proven wrong. Fingers coil and curl around his wrist, claiming his attention with a firm strength, claiming a relationship. One he had attempted to ruin and bury on the ocean floor.

There is a cold irony in coming second. Again and again, he finds himself wilting in the man's shadow. He should become accustomed to it, really.

Hendrik's words keep echoing inside his head though the question is simple. Who does he want to be? He had wanted to be his friend, once. But perhaps that is too much.]

One of these days I might know. I wish I knew.

[He had been himself, yes, but he had also grown used to being whover somebody else wanted. A son, a companion, a commander.]

[standvastig]

[Despite a wave of disappointment that sweeps over him at that response, Hendrik slowly nods and lets his grip loosen further until his hand falls back to his side.]

Then I will hope that I will be able to someday witness your answer.

[leitstern]

Of course. You are the first I intend to tell.

[Does that imply there are others? He steps back and turns his shoulder, excusing his intrusion as he begins heading away. One step follows another and soon he stands before the base of the stairs.

He stops, turns and looks at his old friend. Words form on his lips but cut short. His eyes shine with water; he still doesn't know what so say.]

[standvastig]

[The eyes that follow Jasper to the stairs carry a shadow to them, brought about by feelings of discontent.

For all that he has said about helping others, he can't think of a way to help the one person he wants to help.]