isleofavalon | like a bridge over troubled water

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like a bridge over troubled water

🧙 WHO: Tsuna and Gokudera
⚔️️ WHAT: Heart to Heart Conversations
🕒 WHEN: After the Tournaments and Trust
🗺️ WHERE: Gokudera's place
⚠️ WARNINGS: Probably heavy topics involving Gokudera's past and other insecurities

[Tsuna is exhausted, to put it mildly. What had started as a fairly fun day had rapidly taken a turn for the worse in ways he hadn't really expected. And while he'd made it out more or less in one piece, it was not unscathed. The echoes of his reflection and the things that were said still linger.

It's how he finds himself where he is now, in front of Gokudera's place. He doesn't really want to go back to his room at the inn, or be alone. He just wants something familiar. And he doesn't really want to think about whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. So before he can convince himself otherwise, he knocks.]

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[The thing is, Gokudera's right. Tsuna does want to help. He wants to get that thing off of his friend right now, and it's tough to know that he can't. To say nothing of this idea of ownership that Tsuna also doesn't like, but he's not sure if he's ready for that line of questions.

And he gets the sense that Gokudera isn't ready either.

He's quiet for a while, trying to find the words.]

It...it's okay, Gokudera-kun. It's a lot, but I'm glad you told me all this. You're right that I want to help...so maybe we can find a solution together?

Maybe there's some magic that can work or something...

[He's trying to stay positive at least]

[Gokudera is pretty certain he's going to wear this collar until he dies or goes back home. He doesn't even think he wants to go back home. He's changed too much, and nothing feels right. It's been too long a time, and the brainwashing he'd gone through makes it even more difficult to remember much about home. He remembers the future and that they were supposed to go back to their time. They were all supposed to go back, and he ended up in s different world, and again, and again.

It takes a lot of strength to school his expression into something other than defeat, and even more to contain his pessimism.]

I think it would be something that would require magic and medical science. Not that I don't trust magic here... but this is [He frowns and looks away thoughtfully.]

Alien technology.

I've spoken with the owner of a potion shop to make something for numbing this, so... it'll get easier to manage. I don't want you to have to go out of your way.

It wouldn't be out of my way. I'd be helping you.

[You can't go out of your way for helping friends, or at least, that's what Tsuna thinks.]

But we can keep asking? Maybe there's someone else who knows something. Or has the right spell. I mean, there's a few libraries in town we can check out to.

I know I can't do too much but...there's gotta be something.

[He tries to smile, to be positive, but his lack of ability weighs on him. He wishes he could do more.]

[If Tsuna can come up with some way to help him, that would be amazing, and Gokudera is appreciative enough at the offer to help. He bows gently again at those words, feeling a bit unworthy.]

Well, are there any classes you are attending that have anything to do with breaking curses or... maybe something like kinetic magic to maybe trick this into thinking I'm still here or...

[It all sounds like it won't work, but hey. They have to try. Gokudera is only attending a few classes. He can't focus well when the collar goes off, the sensations are much too intense.]

Hmm... no it means a lot that you want to. I thought maybe with those trials from Celliwig and the bracelets that it might be something similar, but... that's fae magic. If you think of anything, I'll be willing to try it.

Maybe? I don't know if any of the classes I'm taking right now would help, but I'm pretty sure there's a teacher I can ask. They seem a lot nicer than the teachers back home at least...

[Granted, he managed to get stuck with a lot of duds combined with his own lack of academic prowess.]

But, yeah. I'll see what I can find out. We'll figure this out, Gokudera-kun.

[Gokudera nods, smiles at his boss gently and thinks about how he shouldn't put too much pressure on his boss. Still, saying something like this is not meant for that and he leans against him.]

I'm happy you're here, Tenth. I don't know what I'd do without you.

[His collar lights up off and on, a momentary blink of light before he gives a slight twitch. It's not too bad.

Then he remembers what his boss said about Xanxus being the boss instead of him and Gokudera gives a chuckle.]

I couldn't talk to Xanxus like this. He's not a good person, or a good boss and I wouldn't follow anyone other than you... ok?

[Tsuna returns the lean, almost as if they're supporting each other, holding each other up. He feels the same, knowing he'd probably be in much worse shape if Gokudera wasn't here.

Though, as much as he clings to Gokudera's comment, the insecurity still lingers. The irritating voice in the back of his head.

Still, he manages a nod. He knows he can believe Gokudera.]

Okay. Even if he's more committed to the mafia though?

[Gokudera gives a scoff.]

He's committed to himself. Look, he'd probably try to kill me, or whatever. I don't know him well, and I don't want to. But...

For as long as I've been gone, with as many different people I've met and what I've been through, I can say that I've grown and I look forward to growing with you, Tenth. You're more than just my boss. Holding that title. Being Decimo can't be something you are eager for because the mafia is hard. It's not a world full of good people. It's dangerous, and we both know that we want the best for who we care about. And it's wanting the best for your family-

[He grabs up his tea and takes a small sip, trying to soothe his throat]

The family that is more than just blood. It's what will make you a good boss. Because you care.

That's more important than a commitment to a mafia you don't want to be in, full of traditions that are violent and close-minded. I... I know you can change things, Tenth. Traditions... some of them are important, and it won't be easy. But I'll help you.

Even if all you ever want to be is just some boss of a fake sumo club.

[Tsuna listens, almost with surprise at how eloquent Gokudera is speaking. And it means a lot, more than he can really say at this moment. At least, not without tears coming on or something else. Instead, he finds a smile.]

You really have grown, Gokudera-kun.

But, thank you. Hearing all that, it means a lot. Really.

I still don't know if I want to be Decimo...but I know want to protect everyone. So that we can keep seeing fireworks together, and being able to play together. And I'm glad you'll be there for that.

[Though, there's a part of him, a part that he's ignoring right now, that worries that he hasn't grown enough.]

Unfortunately.

[He knows it's for the best, but then there must be something unfamiliar in their differences. Time has not applied itself as much as it has aged him mentally. Gokudera's still a teenager, young and stupid, and always doing the most with everything he turns his focus on to the point of it being detrimental. He worries that there is not so much closer he can get to his boss.

If Tsuna were to cry, Gokudera would hug him again, cherish him through it and be the support he needs, that he wants to be. He craves to be relied on, to be useful, and even if it is small things that have nothing to do with the mafia, it is a part of him he'll likely never change. That restless unending pursuit of proving himself as enough.

He puffs up his chest a little and gives a firm nod.]

As your right hand, I am dedicated to keeping you not only safe, but happy, Tenth!

[Tsuna's smile gets a little wider at that.]

I know, and I want the same for you, Gokudera-kun. You deserve it, with everything you've been through.

[He's quiet for a moment before saying.]

Can I spend the night here? And we can just, hang out some more?

I will be happy simply because I know you are, Tenth. It's a give and take. I've learned that, and I'm sorry for being so reckless with my safety. Know that I never meant to make you worry.

[Even if he still gets himself put through the ringer, it's not as frequent or done with such careless passion as he used to. See: getting hit by cars to bring Tsuna flowers in a hospital.]

What I've been through has made me grow. There will be more, and it will be good to have you there.

[Not saying he wants to go back to Amoi with the Tenth, or have him accompany him through a zombie apocalypses. Just... it's a source of strength, this friendship.]

Of course! Ah, I'm sorry there isn't very much room. I do have some soup that Aurora made, if you'd like it, though. We don't have to go anywhere.

[He turns and leans, putting his arm carefully around Tsuna's shoulders. It's easy since he is a bit taller, and physical touch is something he is trying desperately to adjust to, mostly with people he reflexively categorizes as Elites.]

Uri might not let us, anyways.

[The leopard will sleep across both their laps whether they want him to or not.]

Good.

[Tsuna leans in as Gokudera puts his arm around him. Just finding comfort in being close to his friend. It's all he can really say on that right now, and it's all he really wants to focus on. That it's at least one thing he can hang on to until he sorts out any other feelings he might have.]

And it's enough, soup's fine.

I probably should brought something...

[Gokudera is so comfortable, getting to be this close to his boss is so unusual for him. And to think! Touching him once upon a time was illegal. Now he can be close and not have to worry about being punished for it. He's so happy, he could cry. He's a bit too tired for that, though, and looks down, inspecting his boss to make sure he's physically well. Clearly, the mirrors didn't do him any good, but as long as he can be reassured through his doubts... Gokudera will be there.]

No. Your company is enough. You're not hurt, are you?

No, I'm fine. Just a few scratches but they're pretty much healed.

[Really, he just wants to rest, and not think for a bit. He's tired. And being able to lean against Gokudera like this? It's a good place to be.]

Just my insecurities...

[Feeling his boss leaning into him, relaxing makes Gokudera's heart flutter and he assumes he must be tired.]

Do you want to sleep a while? I'm not planning to go anywhere.

[He wouldn't mind caring and looking after his boss. The Tenth doesn't need those insecurities and Gokudera will do his best to assure them away for as long as he can or is needed.]

That...might be good yeah. If you want to put on a movie or something, go ahead. I don't mind.

[He can let himself be cared for, for a moment. At least until these feelings pass.]

Alright.

[Gokudera is careful in getting up, but moves to get a few more throw pillows and arrange them so his boss can be comfortable before he's putting on a movie, some documentary about pixies, but narrated in a voice reminiscent of David Attenborough. The silver-haired teen adjusts the volume and takes his place on the couch, leaning against the Tenth. If they fall asleep, Tsuna may find himself being snuggled, made right into a little spoon on the sleeper sofa.]

[Tsuna does eventually drift off, the combination of the calm documentary, Gokudera's presence and just finally being able to relax after everything. He still has thoughts, but for the moment, they've stilled. He can worry over them later.]

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like a bridge over troubled water

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I hope this is okay. Lemme know if I need to edit

No, it's good!

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wrap?