isleofavalon | like a bridge over troubled water

[Gokudera hadn't been expecting his boss to drop by. He looks like an actual wreck, but can't just ignore or turn him away! After a few seconds of deliberating, he opens the door and his gaze struggles to meet his boss's. It's bloodshot, and his voice is hoarse, and those are the only signs of his past strangulation. Thankfully, the healing from the tournaments helped to return his neck back to it's regularly scarred state, but there's some obvious exhaustion.

Those mirrors made him realize some things about himself he needs to move past.

But... before he can even decide to open himself up, he's stepping aside and allowing his boss entry.]

Is everything alright, Tenth?

[Whether it is or isn't, Gokudera can tell that his boss needs... something. Without much warning, once he's closing the door, he's pulling Tsuna into a warm embrace, needing the comfort as much as he wants to offer it. Support. Something to show that he cares, and to feel like maybe he isn't as much of a screw-up as his reflection made him feel.]

[Tsuna probably doesn't look that much better, signs of exhaustion showing pretty clearly on him. He feels like he could sleep for a week.

He's about to respond when Gokudera pulls him into the hug and puts that thought on pause. And for a moment he just lets himself lean into it and returns it as much as he can. This is what he needed. Someone and something familiar.]

Can I stay here for a bit? After everything that just happened, I don't really want to be alone.

Of course you can.

[Gokudera isn't in a rush to let his boss go. He has been holding back hugging him since ~~his CRAU update~~ he woke up anew on this world. There is something comforting and familiar about having the Tenth around. Probably because... while most off-worlders in Avalon miss their homes, to Gokudera, this person is his home. Everything is fine as long as he can keep his boss safe, and feel like he's as useful as possible to him.]

Do you want to talk about what happened?

[He moves to walk with his boss into the small space of his living room. There's water already heating for tea. Aurora has helped him out a great deal, by being the most concerned with his physical well-being.]

Thanks.

[Tsuna is reluctant to let go as well. Gokudera is solid, real, and after dealing with reflections, it's what he needs. He lets himself be led in, pausing only to remove his shoes.

There's a slight hesitance to answer but eventually he nods.]

Yeah, kinda...it was, really rough.

[Gokudera leads them in and motions for his boss to have a seat before he hears the whistling in the kitchen. Making tea became a habit of his living with Linneus for as long as he did in Amoi. On Anchor, he just kept it up, and it hasn't gone away since. Nothing wrong with regularly having tea. He returns with it and a few cups for them.

Uri rustles about in the indoor tree, hops down, then gives Tsuna a purring growl before patting at his knee.]

Uri, you won't fit.

[So the leopard just hops up onto the arm of the couch and there's fur, a tail, and a back leg hanging off. Tsuna is flanked by Gokudera and his pet, so should be warm and relatively comfortable. The bomber worries, though, frowning gently until Tsuna starts to talk.]

Was it the reflections?

[The Tenth isn't the sore loser type, so he doubts the upset is caused by anything tournament related.]

[Tsuna smiles at the leopard, reaching up to give him a pet or two and appreciating the soft fur. After a moment, he nods.]

Yeah...it was.

It said...it said a lot of things. It was hard to get it to stop.

[He's silent for a moment and then the question comes out before he can stop himself.]

You wouldn't prefer Xanxus as a leader, would you?

[Uri purrs and bumps his head into that petting hand, nothing but warm appreciation for the attention.

Gokudera nods gently and listens, frowning at the last question.]

I would not prefer Xanxus as a leader no matter what.

[Maybe he'll return the ridiculous question with one of his own.]

Would you hate me if I loved a man?

[Tsuna lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and it probably comes as more relief than the question deserved. Even if it was the answer Tsuna was expecting (because of course Gokudera would say that), it's still a relief to hear it. A reminder that his friends are his friends and they stand with him.

He looks up at Gokudera, eyes widening as he takes in the question. And maybe a few things are putting themselves together in his head, suspicions he's had. Hyper intuition is more of a passive skill after all.

But his answer is honest.]

I don't think I could hate you for anything, Gokudera-kun.

I would not prefer any boss over you, Tenth. You’re also my best friend.

[Gokudera puts his hands together gently, leaning forward so his weight falls into his shoulders, pressing into his thighs and he gives his own small sigh of relief. But this just opens up the chance to be more honest… he’s held back for far too long, anyways.]

But you know I’m a traditionalist with these kind of things… it’s not just… it isn’t a crush. And you already know, I’m sure… that I’ve been avoiding the baseball nut.

[Gokudera leans a bit closer and offers up his left hand, turning it and spreading his fingers.]

He is not the same one in this world, but there is a matching ring for the Takeshi I knew.

I did not want to make you uncomfortable…

[Or risk Yamamoto not returning his feelings.]

[Tsuna smiles at that, since it is a shared sentiment. And Gokudera holds a further special place in his heart, being his first friend.

But before he has a chance to express that, Gokudera continues, and truthfully, Tsuna is a bit surprised. While he'd suspected something between Gokudera and Yamamoto, he hadn't really expected that it had gone this far. And it comes as a bit of a shock, more for the way it's a reminder that Gokudera has gone through so much more than Tsuna has.

Although when he realizes that he's been quite for longer than has been appropriate, he panics and starts to babble. Not really sure what to say.]

That's...uh...um...wow...uh, congratulations?

[Just let him smack his head against the wall]

[Gokudera blinks honest surprise at his boss's congratulations.

He expected Tsuna to be uncomfortable at best, a little awkward. Not to congratulate him, and then Gokudera's smiling fond and giving a soft chuckle before he shakes his head.]

Thanks, Tenth. I don't think I should tell him that, though... I don't want him thinking about how he compares to another version of himself. It's not fair, y'know?

[He lifts a hand and works his fingers gently against his collar. There's a light in it that blinks, but otherwise, there's no response.]

Y-yeah. That might be, for the best. It. It does sort of feel like a lot.

[He'd probably feel more awkward if Gokudera didn't seem, well, happy. Tsuna can't really remember the last time he's seen Gokudera like this. And it makes him smile to.]

But the other version of Yamamoto must have been really special, huh?

Yeah.

[He looks apologetic, bows his head even and then gives it another soft shake.]

I felt bad not telling you, but... it is a lot, and I was worried you may think less of me. I'm sure the Gokudera from your own home world was very different from me. I don't suppose I'd make a great right hand man if I'm so preoccupied with what I've been through. I'll try to be more focused on how I can help you in this place.

[Gokudera frowns gently thinking about how the other version of Yamamoto had been special.]

Still the same baseball idiot... It doesn't make a difference now. But ah, there is one more thing I've... neglected to tell you. It may be a lot as well, but it's about this. I can't take it off, or else it uh-

[How does he put this lightly? Gokudera motions to his collar.]

Well, you'd have a headless right-hand! It was fine in that other world because I had died, but here... I need to find some other way to get it off.

[Tsuna may not have noticed the damage around Gokudera's neck, or he may not have decided to dwell on it. Either way, the bomber isn't comfortable harboring so many secrets. Especially this one, considering how lethal it is. The Tenth is a caring person! Of course he'd want to know! And maybe... with a new perspective, he can help Gokudera find a way out of his current predicament.]

[Tsuna is quiet for a moment, trying to find words. For as much as Gokudera can be a hindrance sometimes, Tsuna still thinks very highly of him. And he does appreciate being told even if his head is spinning. It's a similar feeling to when they first arrived in the future and he'll need some time to think it over.

And he starts to say that when the next bombshell drops. His eyes go to the collar, noticing the damage now with a bit more clarity.]

So...you'll die...without that thing? Ho-how do we get it off then?

[Gokudera isn't looking at his boss, a bit too guilty with the weight of this new and aptly named bombshell.]

I won't die without it. It wasn't put on me for a good reason. It's uh... It's a mark of property.

[He really doesn't want to go into too much detail, and he's certain the Tenth doesn't want more details on that.]

I can't get it off. If anyone tries to get into the tech of it, or loosen it enough-

[Easier to show than tell, but he'll be quick so it won't hurt him or frighten his boss. Gokudera adjusts the half-choke chain on it, pulling each D-ring until it won't loosen any further. Then, he tugs again, and the metal chain gets shorter, the links coiling up and the leather pressing in and getting hot. It's not enough to burn, but enough to smell. The bomber lets it go and takes a deep breath.]

And to make matters worse, it's not even working properly. The world I was in, where it was put on me... it was more for display, y'know... like regular jewelry. It started to malfunction going from one world to the next. And... my owner could hurt me or make me feel good with voice commands -he never did! But it does it at random...

It's not a small issue, and I didn't want to tell you because... I knew you'd want to help, but I don't think that there's anything that can be done.

[The last thing he wants to do is drop some big burden to share with the Tenth.]

I'm sorry.

[And he turns from his spot on the couch, bows as much as he can with the space available, and keeps his head hanging.]

[The thing is, Gokudera's right. Tsuna does want to help. He wants to get that thing off of his friend right now, and it's tough to know that he can't. To say nothing of this idea of ownership that Tsuna also doesn't like, but he's not sure if he's ready for that line of questions.

And he gets the sense that Gokudera isn't ready either.

He's quiet for a while, trying to find the words.]

It...it's okay, Gokudera-kun. It's a lot, but I'm glad you told me all this. You're right that I want to help...so maybe we can find a solution together?

Maybe there's some magic that can work or something...

[He's trying to stay positive at least]

[Gokudera is pretty certain he's going to wear this collar until he dies or goes back home. He doesn't even think he wants to go back home. He's changed too much, and nothing feels right. It's been too long a time, and the brainwashing he'd gone through makes it even more difficult to remember much about home. He remembers the future and that they were supposed to go back to their time. They were all supposed to go back, and he ended up in s different world, and again, and again.

It takes a lot of strength to school his expression into something other than defeat, and even more to contain his pessimism.]

I think it would be something that would require magic and medical science. Not that I don't trust magic here... but this is [He frowns and looks away thoughtfully.]

Alien technology.

I've spoken with the owner of a potion shop to make something for numbing this, so... it'll get easier to manage. I don't want you to have to go out of your way.

It wouldn't be out of my way. I'd be helping you.

[You can't go out of your way for helping friends, or at least, that's what Tsuna thinks.]

But we can keep asking? Maybe there's someone else who knows something. Or has the right spell. I mean, there's a few libraries in town we can check out to.

I know I can't do too much but...there's gotta be something.

[He tries to smile, to be positive, but his lack of ability weighs on him. He wishes he could do more.]

[If Tsuna can come up with some way to help him, that would be amazing, and Gokudera is appreciative enough at the offer to help. He bows gently again at those words, feeling a bit unworthy.]

Well, are there any classes you are attending that have anything to do with breaking curses or... maybe something like kinetic magic to maybe trick this into thinking I'm still here or...

[It all sounds like it won't work, but hey. They have to try. Gokudera is only attending a few classes. He can't focus well when the collar goes off, the sensations are much too intense.]

Hmm... no it means a lot that you want to. I thought maybe with those trials from Celliwig and the bracelets that it might be something similar, but... that's fae magic. If you think of anything, I'll be willing to try it.

Maybe? I don't know if any of the classes I'm taking right now would help, but I'm pretty sure there's a teacher I can ask. They seem a lot nicer than the teachers back home at least...

[Granted, he managed to get stuck with a lot of duds combined with his own lack of academic prowess.]

But, yeah. I'll see what I can find out. We'll figure this out, Gokudera-kun.

[Gokudera nods, smiles at his boss gently and thinks about how he shouldn't put too much pressure on his boss. Still, saying something like this is not meant for that and he leans against him.]

I'm happy you're here, Tenth. I don't know what I'd do without you.

[His collar lights up off and on, a momentary blink of light before he gives a slight twitch. It's not too bad.

Then he remembers what his boss said about Xanxus being the boss instead of him and Gokudera gives a chuckle.]

I couldn't talk to Xanxus like this. He's not a good person, or a good boss and I wouldn't follow anyone other than you... ok?

[Tsuna returns the lean, almost as if they're supporting each other, holding each other up. He feels the same, knowing he'd probably be in much worse shape if Gokudera wasn't here.

Though, as much as he clings to Gokudera's comment, the insecurity still lingers. The irritating voice in the back of his head.

Still, he manages a nod. He knows he can believe Gokudera.]

Okay. Even if he's more committed to the mafia though?

[Gokudera gives a scoff.]

He's committed to himself. Look, he'd probably try to kill me, or whatever. I don't know him well, and I don't want to. But...

For as long as I've been gone, with as many different people I've met and what I've been through, I can say that I've grown and I look forward to growing with you, Tenth. You're more than just my boss. Holding that title. Being Decimo can't be something you are eager for because the mafia is hard. It's not a world full of good people. It's dangerous, and we both know that we want the best for who we care about. And it's wanting the best for your family-

[He grabs up his tea and takes a small sip, trying to soothe his throat]

The family that is more than just blood. It's what will make you a good boss. Because you care.

That's more important than a commitment to a mafia you don't want to be in, full of traditions that are violent and close-minded. I... I know you can change things, Tenth. Traditions... some of them are important, and it won't be easy. But I'll help you.

Even if all you ever want to be is just some boss of a fake sumo club.

[Tsuna listens, almost with surprise at how eloquent Gokudera is speaking. And it means a lot, more than he can really say at this moment. At least, not without tears coming on or something else. Instead, he finds a smile.]

You really have grown, Gokudera-kun.

But, thank you. Hearing all that, it means a lot. Really.

I still don't know if I want to be Decimo...but I know want to protect everyone. So that we can keep seeing fireworks together, and being able to play together. And I'm glad you'll be there for that.

[Though, there's a part of him, a part that he's ignoring right now, that worries that he hasn't grown enough.]

Unfortunately.

[He knows it's for the best, but then there must be something unfamiliar in their differences. Time has not applied itself as much as it has aged him mentally. Gokudera's still a teenager, young and stupid, and always doing the most with everything he turns his focus on to the point of it being detrimental. He worries that there is not so much closer he can get to his boss.

If Tsuna were to cry, Gokudera would hug him again, cherish him through it and be the support he needs, that he wants to be. He craves to be relied on, to be useful, and even if it is small things that have nothing to do with the mafia, it is a part of him he'll likely never change. That restless unending pursuit of proving himself as enough.

He puffs up his chest a little and gives a firm nod.]

As your right hand, I am dedicated to keeping you not only safe, but happy, Tenth!

[Tsuna's smile gets a little wider at that.]

I know, and I want the same for you, Gokudera-kun. You deserve it, with everything you've been through.

[He's quiet for a moment before saying.]

Can I spend the night here? And we can just, hang out some more?

I will be happy simply because I know you are, Tenth. It's a give and take. I've learned that, and I'm sorry for being so reckless with my safety. Know that I never meant to make you worry.

[Even if he still gets himself put through the ringer, it's not as frequent or done with such careless passion as he used to. See: getting hit by cars to bring Tsuna flowers in a hospital.]

What I've been through has made me grow. There will be more, and it will be good to have you there.

[Not saying he wants to go back to Amoi with the Tenth, or have him accompany him through a zombie apocalypses. Just... it's a source of strength, this friendship.]

Of course! Ah, I'm sorry there isn't very much room. I do have some soup that Aurora made, if you'd like it, though. We don't have to go anywhere.

[He turns and leans, putting his arm carefully around Tsuna's shoulders. It's easy since he is a bit taller, and physical touch is something he is trying desperately to adjust to, mostly with people he reflexively categorizes as Elites.]

Uri might not let us, anyways.

[The leopard will sleep across both their laps whether they want him to or not.]

Good.

[Tsuna leans in as Gokudera puts his arm around him. Just finding comfort in being close to his friend. It's all he can really say on that right now, and it's all he really wants to focus on. That it's at least one thing he can hang on to until he sorts out any other feelings he might have.]

And it's enough, soup's fine.

I probably should brought something...

[Gokudera is so comfortable, getting to be this close to his boss is so unusual for him. And to think! Touching him once upon a time was illegal. Now he can be close and not have to worry about being punished for it. He's so happy, he could cry. He's a bit too tired for that, though, and looks down, inspecting his boss to make sure he's physically well. Clearly, the mirrors didn't do him any good, but as long as he can be reassured through his doubts... Gokudera will be there.]

No. Your company is enough. You're not hurt, are you?

No, I'm fine. Just a few scratches but they're pretty much healed.

[Really, he just wants to rest, and not think for a bit. He's tired. And being able to lean against Gokudera like this? It's a good place to be.]

Just my insecurities...

[Feeling his boss leaning into him, relaxing makes Gokudera's heart flutter and he assumes he must be tired.]

Do you want to sleep a while? I'm not planning to go anywhere.

[He wouldn't mind caring and looking after his boss. The Tenth doesn't need those insecurities and Gokudera will do his best to assure them away for as long as he can or is needed.]

That...might be good yeah. If you want to put on a movie or something, go ahead. I don't mind.

[He can let himself be cared for, for a moment. At least until these feelings pass.]

Alright.

[Gokudera is careful in getting up, but moves to get a few more throw pillows and arrange them so his boss can be comfortable before he's putting on a movie, some documentary about pixies, but narrated in a voice reminiscent of David Attenborough. The silver-haired teen adjusts the volume and takes his place on the couch, leaning against the Tenth. If they fall asleep, Tsuna may find himself being snuggled, made right into a little spoon on the sleeper sofa.]

[Tsuna does eventually drift off, the combination of the calm documentary, Gokudera's presence and just finally being able to relax after everything. He still has thoughts, but for the moment, they've stilled. He can worry over them later.]

like a bridge over troubled water

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thanks for waiting!

I'm happy to!

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I hope this is okay. Lemme know if I need to edit

No, it's good!

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wrap?