It’s easy to say what I would’ve done after the fact. Odds are I would have made a scene. I know what I’m about.
[He can hear it in her voice. This is painful for her. And that didn’t sit right with him.]
[It was far easier to put the blame on himself. It’s what he was best at, after all. He knows what he’s worth. He knows why he’s the way he is. He knows what he deserves.]
I would have caused a scene. Ruined the party. Made you feel embarrassed and ashamed to have been seen with me. It’s what I do.
...The only reason you likely thought I was any different was because my mask was enchanted. Apparently it happened to a bunch of people. You were tricked by an illusion.
[But he can’t avoid that last question. He shifts uncomfortably.]
I...was really enjoying that night. When you left after I revealed who I was...
...it was like being back home again. How people would take one look at me and visibly wince. Cringe. Look for any excuse to not associate with me. I know the look. The body language. It’s something I’ve learned to spot because I’d been seeing it for my entire life.
...For the first time in a long time I actually wished I could be someone else. Anyone else. I’d been trying to find out who you were for weeks. I took a part time job in a flower shop to try and find out what flowers were on your mask. I was desperate to find you...
Because I had to know...
I had to know what was so wrong with me that you would leave like that...?
Now that I know it was you...now I know what’s wrong with me...
[He could feel his face becoming hot. His eyes stung. It just seemed like no matter what, he was destined to show this person the worst side of himself. Even if he saved her life, he’d never be anything more than someone who made her cringe.]
[He sinks a little further into the pool, suddenly wishing he could just disappear into it.]
It’s the fact that I’m me...
I’m just...wrong. In all sorts of ways. In every way that matters...
no subject
[He can hear it in her voice. This is painful for her. And that didn’t sit right with him.]
[It was far easier to put the blame on himself. It’s what he was best at, after all. He knows what he’s worth. He knows why he’s the way he is. He knows what he deserves.]
I would have caused a scene. Ruined the party. Made you feel embarrassed and ashamed to have been seen with me. It’s what I do.
...The only reason you likely thought I was any different was because my mask was enchanted. Apparently it happened to a bunch of people. You were tricked by an illusion.
[But he can’t avoid that last question. He shifts uncomfortably.]
I...was really enjoying that night. When you left after I revealed who I was...
...it was like being back home again. How people would take one look at me and visibly wince. Cringe. Look for any excuse to not associate with me. I know the look. The body language. It’s something I’ve learned to spot because I’d been seeing it for my entire life.
...For the first time in a long time I actually wished I could be someone else. Anyone else. I’d been trying to find out who you were for weeks. I took a part time job in a flower shop to try and find out what flowers were on your mask. I was desperate to find you...
Because I had to know...
I had to know what was so wrong with me that you would leave like that...?
Now that I know it was you...now I know what’s wrong with me...
[He could feel his face becoming hot. His eyes stung. It just seemed like no matter what, he was destined to show this person the worst side of himself. Even if he saved her life, he’d never be anything more than someone who made her cringe.]
[He sinks a little further into the pool, suddenly wishing he could just disappear into it.]
It’s the fact that I’m me...
I’m just...wrong. In all sorts of ways. In every way that matters...