a horse, a horse. (of course.)

[standvastig]

🧙 WHO: Hendrik and Jasper
⚔️️ WHAT: They can tolerate a short trip. How about a longer one?
🕒 WHEN: Second week of May
🗺️ WHERE: Heading towards the Rent-a-Ride Outpost; maybe Red Springs
⚠️ WARNINGS: N/A for now

[When he is not paying attention to the path ahead of him, beaten into the grass by carriages bearing new arrivals to the Red Springs and Camelot month after month, Hendrik turns his thoughts inward to his carefully managed funds. Did he have enough for a good saddle and tack? What if he could not afford a horse that really spoke to him? It's a dilemma that he never truly encountered until Avalon, with his low interest in expensive purchases and most of his needs provided for by the king or the army.

And when he is not thinking about those things, his thoughts inevitably wander to his traveling companion. Is this a good idea, given how volatile their interactions were only a month ago? He can't say for sure, especially when the alternative was to leave Jasper in the house with their familiars, but he had let him know that it would be a longer trip due to how far the horse farm was from the city.

Truth be told, he is surprised that Jasper decided to come along. He had not shown much interest for most of the last outing, after all.]

Comments

Stables

[leitstern]

[The road lies behind them, most of it covered in silence. Jasper feels the gentle jolt of the carriage as wheels crush dirt and cross stone. The motion shakes his head from side to side; eyes resting on Hendrik who sits opposite.

Or sleeps, rather.

He leans back and spends the rest of their journey with his fingers gripping the window tightly. With the glass drawn open, the spring breeze is brushing his hair lightly. He inhales the fresh air and closes his eyes - but his meditation is interrupted by a rattling vibration that draws an irate eye. Hendrik's snoring resounds throughout the carriage. Head tipped forward, tucked against his chest. It continues as their ride draws to a standstill.

Taking a deep breath, he makes to speak but leans forward instead - lashing out with his foot to kick the woodwork.]

Get up.

[standvastig]

[The snoring stops abruptly as Hendrik is jarred out of slumber, an audible crick as bones in his neck complain at the sudden movement. He blinks blearily, taking a moment to recognize that curt voice before he awakens further and looks out one of the carriage windows.]

Ah... We arrived?

[Unused to these carriages, he fumbles with the lever that opens the carriage door to his right. More sunlight spills in the carriage once the door is opened, along with the distinct smell of wide open spaces and nearby horses.]

[leitstern]

[Horses. Jasper holds his breath and counts to eight. The stench reminds him of his childhood; husbandry training in the stables and learning how to climb and ride once they came of age. It is a smell different to the beasts he knew and grew up beside. He dwells in his memories a while before realising the door is hanging open - sunlight warming his pale face.

Out. One, two, three, four.

He does not miss the smell - the stench of animals he rode once upon a time. The memory of a particular one souring his mood as he waits for Hendrik to exit the carriage.

If the man takes too long, he'll just kick him out on his way down.]

[standvastig]

[It takes a bit longer than expected for Hendrik to move from blocking the way out of the carriage, so it is perhaps no surprise he is in fact kicked out of the way. He manages to grab hold of the carriage door so he doesn't fall on his rear, but it's still very awkward. He grimaces and retrieves his pack from the carriage, walking over to thank the carriage driver and then look for some horse-dealers around the farm.

There are a multitude of horses to choose from, ranging from the kind and mild-mannered for the novices to the stalwart and brazen who are favored by the knights and adventurers who have to ride into danger. They even sell work horses, though many are already owned by the outpost for pulling carriages.

They're encouraged to spend time among the horses to see if any take a liking to them.]

[leitstern]

[Jasper follows Hendrik around, claiming his pack to stoll around the farm, forgetting to thank their driver but not out of ignorance. He lets his old friend ask the questions and injects none of his own. The suggestion they waste their time befriending the creatures elicits a grimace; his lips drawing into a thin, unimpressed line. One thought niggles the back of his mind - the knowledge he enjoyed their company once upon a time. He gradually becomes aware he is dwelling and scowls, turning his attention to the present.

He stands a distance apart. Inspecting the horses surrounding them like he is curious about their behaviour. Any fascination doesn't quite reach the cold, neutral expression on his face.]

Found one, yet?

[standvastig]

[Hendrik talks to the horses. Nothing deep or even important, with obligatory greetings and compliments of their stature or the shine of their coats. He's glad to the horses just as well-kept and healthy as the ones in the city stables, given how important they are to the livelihood of Camelot.

He is always aware of the fact that Jasper is simply following him around. He isn't sure why he was expecting otherwise, and he doesn't comment regardless. If Jasper just wants to follow him around, that is fine.

The question earns the other man a glance as Hendrik strokes a mare's silken mane.]

Not yet. Are you bored?

[leitstern]

Not in the slightest. I love watching the both of you talk.

[The words poke fun at Hendrik speaking to animals who cannot understand him. What is even the point? Idly, he wonders if something might change whether they were able to talk back. What might one say? There is a curiosity that he smothers within himself - favouring a cold smile that chills his face.

He carefully avoids looking at any of the mares for sale. Finely bred steeds in various colours; brown, spotted and white. His brow furrows and his mouth thins. Memories are sticking to him more than he hoped they would.]

[standvastig]

[The smile that Jasper aims at him is disingenuous and leaves Hendrik sighing to himself. He ruined any decent mood there would have been to this trip, so he can't complain. Scratching the horse behind the ear and patting its snout, Hendrik steps away from the horse to take in the other horses he has not yet met. He's at least narrowed down his search to the taller, somewhat stockier horses.]

It is good to talk to them. To understand their temperament.

[leitstern]

[Jasper stares them down, Hendrik and horse alike, and folds his arms across his chest. The unimpressed look on his face hides a bitter amount of emptiness. Hendrik can talk to these beasts, freely and easily, yet to him...? He covers his insecurity with words.]

That you can fathom without a word. Simple observation, the nature of the breed. The monitoring of behaviour and body language. Yet you insist on talking to them like they are your friends.

[His lips flatten in the corners.]

I ought not be surprised.

[standvastig]

[The way Jasper analyzes the way he speaks to the horses is... Hendrik isn't sure what to think of it. It's an obvious result of observing him with the horses. But the way he comments on it is ... off-putting.]

A man is not going to be silent while riding a horse. Nor will a horse give you its undivided attention unless you assert yourself.

[These are things Jasper should know as well.]

Did you not speak to your horse?

[leitstern]

[The question triggers agitation; a finger that plays with his hair, a fixed gaze that cannot move. He knows the advice well, having heard it a hundred times in his youth.]

I did dote on her. Not in a show of words like you, but she was always cared for.

[By stablehands. By knights. By people charged with looking after their welfare. His preference for animals over humans hardly extends to a heartfelt love or powerful bond. It does not explain how his relationship with such a creature ended - and that is an issue for another time.]

You should not presume to instruct me on how a man might communicate, Hendrik.

[standvastig]

[Guarded. Defensive. Insulted? Hendrik says nothing, instead turning his attention to the horse, which is backing off to return to walking the grounds. Whether the mare was uncomfortable or disinterested, he cannot say.]

I was asking a question. That is all.

[After watching the mare for a moment longer, Hendrik walks on to get a closer look at another tall horse. While none have struck him in quite the same intelligently willful way that Obsidian had, he can't deny that they have had excellent temperaments.]

[leitstern]

[Jasper looks Hendrik over. The loss of attention fares as well as it ever did. Still his old friend doesn't notice him, even when they stand yards apart. He watches him approach another horse and waits for him to turn his shoulder and talk.

But nothing. He doesn't even so much as catch a glance.

The remnants of his good mood drop instantly and he finds himself stiffening his muscles. After a moment he tilts his head to one side and glances away, looking around the grounds. He rolls his shoulders in discomfort and wrinkles his nose before backing off in an uncomfortable manner. Disinterested in a conversation that is leading him down an uncomfortable road.

He frowns and finds himself a little space away from everyone. If anything, he resembles that mare backing off. The irony is not something he notices.]

[standvastig]

[Things ebb into silence as Hendrik backs off from a conversation that seemed ready to turn into an argument. He doesn't want to fight, especially in the presence of horses that he is trying to assess. Even as he greets the next horse and notes the confident way it meets his gaze, his attention strays back to Jasper.

With a reluctant sigh to himself, he looks back with another question.]

Why did you come along, Jasper? Even before our quarrel, you have shown little desire of wanting to be here.

[He agreed in Camelot and picked up his feet the entire way. And now they are here. Once again miserable together.]

[leitstern]

[Jasper flicks away his hair and hitches his fingers in his belt. The uncomfortable topic makes him stand firm with legs wide apart; asserting his confidence in a way that makes him feel twice as tall. Though he still fails to measure up to Hendrik - and he manages to find enough resolve to look askance at his old friend.

He stands in silence a moment.

Seconds tick by. He shifts uncomfortably from one foot to another, mentally knocked off balance by the fact Hendrik cared enough to ask him at all.]

I find the country highly invigorating, even if life out here is a tad boring.

[His next words don't jump out. They are slow and ponderous, chosen with deliberation and spoken with caution.]

Come on, Hendrik. Do you not think I wished to spend time together? I had hoped you would notice without me embarrassing myself.

[He'd hoped he'd cared enough to notice.]

[standvastig]

[The answer is met with uncomfortable blankness. Hendrik blinks slowly at Jasper, frowning at what is basically a revelation. He would not have guessed that Jasper found the country invigorating, nor would he have guessed that he somehow wanted to spend time together.]

I see. Then it is my misunderstanding.

[He turns his gaze away, brows knitting together as he looks off to some of the horses further away from the outpost's main building. His discomfort shows in his prolonged silence.]

I apologize. The thought did not occur to me at all. I do not associate travel with any amount of leisure.

[His care extended as far as a general would care for those under his command while marching.]

[leitstern]

[There are two parts to Hendrik's answer; a realisation and apology. Two conflicting feelings that plague him inside and root him on the spot. Disgust sees him flinch and lower his gaze, while kindness keeps him from approaching and attacking the other man. He had never regarded his time on the road as an opportunity to relax until, well...

His discomfort at being sent away gnaws at his anger and he wilts on the spot. Years spent alone in Sniflheim, losing the chance to grow up together. Finding some uneasy path through this together - and now his old friend acts like they were never companions at all? That is enough to make him bare teeth and clench his jaw.]

Oh, so time spent beside me is a burden? I am sorry for disappointing you.

[He has noticed that Hendrik's care is rather... lacking. But when has that ever been a surprise?]

[standvastig]

I-- What? No. Why would you--

[Already driven into discomfort by Jasper's earlier answer, Hendrik is put further on the back foot by the conclusion drawn from his own admission. He cuts himself off, sealing away that feeling with a grimace.]

As I said, I apologize. The fault is mine. I did not put any thought into ulterior reasons why you may want to come out here.

[leitstern]

[Jasper grinds his teeth, his temper flying out of him abruptly. His hand withdraws from his belt to clench into a fist. His brows turn downwards and he stamps his foot on the earth as he bares his teeth.]

Since when have you ever put thought into anything regarding our relationship?

[He gradually becomes aware that his heart is beating fast and irregular. It causes him to stop and fret. Anger is a powerful emotion that he has forgotten too much about, lately.]

[standvastig]

[Something inside Hendrik shakes tremulously at Jasper's anger. It isn't an unwarranted anger, and part of him feels that punishment of listening to a tirade is the right course in the moment. If he deals with this, everything will be a little better.

But Jasper's question demands an answer, and Hendrik finds himself staring. His throat feels dry as he replies with a stiff voice.]

You imply that I do not think of such things. Of what our friendship once was.

[leitstern]

[The throat Jasper swallows with hardly feels dry. The biggest thing he notices is that it feels tight. Invisible fingers clench around his windpipe and squeeze the air out of him. His bones ache, his skin crawls and his mind races. He cannot banish words from his thoughts and chews on them before spitting them out.]

"The thought did not occur to me at all." Your words, I believe.

[That tightness spreads to his chest. It is difficult to muster the energy to be angry but he manages.]

You hardly bothered to know me well enough to shake my hand. Since when has our relationship been anything but an afterthought?

[standvastig]

[The difficulty with which Jasper speaks does little to shake the unease in Hendrik. This isn't the place for an argument. For a scene. And yet here they are, their voices rising and driving away some of the horses. It just serves to make him feel worse.

But there is also anger. It roils inside him when his own words are thrown back at him, used for a different argument and to further Jasper's accusations. When he tries to form his anger into words, the same word comes to mind over and over.

Why?

Why is this happening? Why did this spiral out of a mere question? Disgust and agitation just churn together in him and he's not even sure why he's reacting so badly now.

Miserable. He's angry because everything about this is making him miserable. Both of them miserable.]

I presumed that things would not change. Even though they clearly did.

[He shakes his head, slowly focusing his gaze back at Jasper.]

You said you have learned not to have expectations of me. And yet you are angry. How much angrier will you be about a friendship long broken?

[leitstern]

[Jasper realises how unable he is to stop himself choking on his emotions. He wrinkles his nose and attempts to smother them off his face for a moment, failing when he expels a blast of hot air from his mouth. Hendrik acknowledges his role in the breakdown of their friendship more than he cares to acknowledge their friendship in the present.

Friendship. He decides that is a poor choice of word given his crimes - but it already has the corners of his mouth quivering. He nervously worries his lip and runs his hand through his fringe. Oh, he knows their bond is broken, for many a year before recent events, but there is something about being in this place, away from a situation that prevents him from attempting to try again. It is difficult to think about trying to become friends after years of being strangers but he is willing to invest effort.]

How much angrier should you be if...

[He adjusts his cuffs and looks at his feet.]

That is a ridiculous thought. Forget I said anything.

[Honestly, he would not deserve it.]

[standvastig]

You are deciding to withhold your thoughts now?

[Hendrik would be surprised that he could manage such a dry tone if not for his lingering anger over this entire situation. He shakes his head again, trying to find his calm before he speaks more.]

I am not going anywhere, Jasper. You might as well let it all out.

[Jasper always seemed to have a way to arrest his surroundings with his words. This isn't new by any means. The task of finding and buying a horse fades into the background as focus falls onto the suddenly quiet man.]

What have you to lose?

[leitstern]

[The prompting elicits a confused expression that manages to drop the reluctance from Jasper's lips. He doesn't look back at his old friend. In fact, he doesn't look anywhere but at the ground. It doesn't make sense, what he wants. The fact that he is even this close to whispering it would earn him all sorts of trouble were they home.

But they are not on Erdrea and the Lord of Shadows is not here. Surely that makes this a little easier?

And so his voice comes, quiet and thoughtful.]

Certainly not your friendship. I appreciate that ship has sailed and we both took steps to scupper it. Though it hardly dwells broken beneath the waves. Sometimes I think...

[There is something worth salvaging? His fingers pick at his clothing, his pendant resting beneath. Its presence niggles the back of his mind and he takes time to finish.]

I think your effort towards me lately has done you credit. I would welcome the chance to return it. As a... as a...

[Friend? Companion? Partner? Colleague? He would like to try again, regardless. Does he need spell it out?]