Sasara Nurude ✨🎋 MC Tragic Comedy ✨🎭 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
whosaysdajare) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
isleofavalon2021-04-16 01:15 am
whosaysdajare) wrote in isleofavalon2021-04-16 01:15 am
whosaysdajare) wrote in isleofavalon2021-04-16 01:15 am
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[ Rosho's right. Either you don't mind staying in or you don't mind getting wet. The earth and the trees need it. Things grow from it.
Sasara hesitates, anyway, despite that and what he says. It's silly. He thinks of Rosho's fear, how he's got no reason to go through that stage fright if they're up there together! That's what he tells his partner. And it's what he believes; he's not a liar!
But letting Rosho shoulder the weight on his turn? Passing it off to carry? ... Trusting that he won't break under the burden?
Sasara's expression remains distant, as before, but slowly changes to something to match the gloom of the weather. More than just an unsmiling mouth and tight-knit eyebrows, his head tilts down and his shoulders sag a little more. He hears himself forgetting how to talk, silence stretching.
He hates that, too. ]
But it's because— [ He just needs to say it, Sasara knows, with the words that echo in his head now. ] It's because of that night, [ Rei's and Rosho's speeches both, they're not only between his ears but in his heart. ] When we split up, it was raining.
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And it comes out of him so easily that Rosho doesn't even believe what he says. He stands there, silent, a bit baffled. He can hear the rain from outside pattering against the window, on the roof of the inn, what with them being up on the higher floor. The way Sasara looks before him... just that, it's too much. Like he's put him right back in that spot the day they broke up.
That's right. It rained that time, the night they broke up.
Rosho rushes to him without a second thought and envelops Sasara in his arms, voice firm and tense, heavy in his throat. ]
Thank you for telling me.
[ He can't say anything at first, he just holds him, pulling Sasara tight against his chest. His eyes burn with tears but he pushes them back. To think that he'd hurt him that badly, to think that... all this time, he wasn't the only one dealing with the effects of his leaving the group. He'd never thought about it, never considered it, that this, all this... was his fault.
No.
Sasara would never blame him. And in that thought, Rosho's mind starts to clear, and all the anger and remorse and misery just seems to fade away. ]
Remember... how you always tell me you're going to help me get over my stage fright? It's not easy, but, I don't think it's impossible. You too. However long it takes, I think we can get there. You and I. So the things that hurt us back then don't hurt us anymore.
[ Beyond that night, past that frightening experience up on stage, don't they have so many other, better memories? Aren't they here now, even after all that? ]
Sasara. Its been raining all this time, but I'm still here, aren't I? I told you. I'm gonna be by your side from now on.
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To his surprise the silence and loneliness he finds in his own mind, only, doesn't last at all with his partner's arms around him.
Where laughter is always on Sasara's lips, it's now that it seems out of place as it falls off his tongue so suddenly. But he doesn't laugh because there's something he can't change, because there's nothing else he can do or because he's hurting instead.
Rosho, he's... this time, he's fighting for it too!
And Sasara is happy; he can't explain the tears either. Maybe, they're just a goodbye to the loneliness he can name only now that it's leaving. ]
Rosho—!
[ Sasara finally brings his arms around him, he holds on tight. He trusts Rosho when he says he's not going anywhere. He can do it, too. ]
S-Say... that time, up on Tsutenkaku... [ Not the first time they met; their reunion, if ya would. It's as much as Sasara can say, mumble against his Rosho's chest, about those new-old memories, without letting a ripple through his voice that doesn't match his feelings another moment longer. For now, it's like he's not even sad about the rain. ]
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Why didn't he ever come to him, Rosho used to think. But he understands it now. Just the way he knows why Sasara never tried to burden him with expectations, why he never pushed him further.
Sasara's strength, and little weakness. Rosho's weakness, and little strength.
He can't help but laugh too. He really did hit things on the mark with that one, as he huffs into Sasara's hair. That little weakness and his lacking bravery, and Rosho's little strength that led to his unrelenting drive to push himself further and further, for their whole team, but most importantly, for Sasara's sake. Because he wanted to reach the top with all of them.
Up on a highest point of a tower, their first meeting and one of their last. He wonders if that counts for a metaphor of sorts, maybe, that it's always at the top of that tower that Sasara always confirms his importance to him. They started as equals, and even though he lost that battle against Sasara, here they are, still together, still strong, unwavering and brave.
I'll take you there to the top, Sasara always says, and Rosho never questioned why he couldn't ever tell him the same thing (unless wasted from a single beer) when he should've. ]
Yeah? Ya gotta ask as if I could forget so conveniently, that I really did give ya a good fight. Even though you're so strong, and I wasn't any match against you... it won't always be like that from now on. You say this and that about taking me to the top, but don't ya think that I wanna be the one to do that too? So I'm gonna do it. You and I, together, will be more than enough. Even when one of us falters, we pick each other up. That's what ya do when you're partners.
[ For the longest time that particular word held so much meaning, but Rosho always treaded around it, recoiled from just the thought. Partner. That's what he used to be to Sasara. But he's come to realize, that word, everything about it, it's just exactly what he still is now. Even if they no longer do comedy together he'll probably always think of Sasara that way. That and many other things. It's not the word so much, but the meaning. His equal. His support. The one that's supposed to be there with him, like a pair, inseparable.
Yes. That's really, truly, what he wants. Since they first met, since he realized how much Sasara meant to him, he'd wanted it to always be like that. Now, he can make sure that happens this time. ]
So rely on me more. Lean on me, even just a little bit. I won't fall. I think that's what you deserve, for thinking of me. Chasing after me all these years, and carrying this kind of weight around.
[ He strokes Sasara's back, pets at his hair. He's strong, but also, not that strong at all. But that doesn't matter to Rosho. However he is, however he wants to be, what he chooses to do and not to do. There's no difference to him. Sasara will always be Sasara. He'll always feel the same way. ]
I love you a lot, idiot. I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you're happy.
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He's a little weaker than he thought, and Rosho a little– no, scratch that, a lot stronger. After all, though, it's not shame for faltering that makes Sasara want to keep his head down. If Rosho remembers their time up on Tsutenkaku's viewing platform, the second time, then he already apologized. Yet, as painful as it felt to keep his thoughts buried and even as much as it stung to lay his doubts bare, have them pointed out for their absurdity in the truth of the whole matter—
It won't hurt to say it again. ]
Rosho, sorry... Sorry, that I didn't say anything sooner, that I put ya through all that.
[ They're partners, after all. He's said it so often, but it takes two, no? Hearing Rosho say it, after he'd almost expected him to never do anymore, Sasara's fingers crease the back of his vest. ]
I really, honestly believe in you. We'll make the top again, no matter how, and this time I'll make sure we go on up there together. I promise!
[ Sasara say, still can't abandon the responsibility he feels—well, he's team leader, after all—but he keeps holding on, not just to memory but to Rosho as he is. He leans on him. Rosho stands there, firmly, he knows. And finally looking up to him isn't only to mean Sasara lifting his head from his chest. ]
I know you're gonna give it your all, I– I trust that you'll keep your word...! [ Trust Sasara, that he'll allow himself to expect it from Rosho. He knows he won't crumble. And even still if he would— ] I love you too.
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Someone to believe in him. To hold his hand, and hug him, and tell him everything no one ever said before.
I believe in you. I'll always believe in you, and everything you do, and that'll never stop. To say that again, over and over and over.
Rosho takes Sasara's face in his hands to hold his gaze, lift his head higher. ]
Ya know... no matter what the weather is like, a sun shines brightly all the time.
[ He leans in, noses touching. ]
You'll always be like that to me.