OTA!

[arf]

🧙 WHO: Taichi & YOU!
⚔️️ WHAT: Taichi attempting to sell handbags with ACTING. (Hell in a Handbagsket)
🕒 WHEN: Early April
🗺️ WHERE: Street corner in Camelot
⚠️ WARNINGS: Taichi is an idiot and is dressed like he thinks ladies with handbags would dress.

[ Taichi is not exactly a criminal, but it would not be true to say that he does not commit crimes. He steals face moisturizer and shampoo from roommates, he's been known to skateboard where you're not supposed to skate, and quite a few other small things that have earned his place in the delinquent Autumn troupe.

That said, it is probably a criminal act for him to be dressed in something like this, but with his short pink and black hair and two handbags on either arm. The good news? Taichi has nice legs and has no problem getting them waxed, so he actually looks decent in it. The bad news is, he's not quite earned model confidence yet so he's moreso strutting up to people, making a Blue Steel expression, and holding out a handbag. ]

You look like you need an upgrade, darling! It can hold lipstick, magic stones, or even delicious snacks! It'll make you wow-ee all night!

[ Look, Taichi is.. better at acting roles when he's had a long time to flesh them out. Advertising is not his skillset. ]

Comments

[groundzeroes]

[Well... Taichi isn't TOO off the mark when picking Rei as his mark. He DOES wear leopard print sometimes. He has DEFINITELY worn it at least once when visiting Izumi-chan at the theatre. This much makes sense.

STILL....]

I give you a five out of ten.

[Hikaru can't get made at him for dunking on Taichi when Taichi approached him first, right?????!!!!!]

[arf]

[ What a big guy... masculine features... heterochromia... he's got so many popularity points, Taichi can't help but be mesmerized for a second as he just takes everything in about him. ]

I-It's the legendary.. Zaddy-type...!

[groundzeroes]

[ZADDY??????? Rei laughs-- that's a new one. Ahh, keeping up with youth lingo is so fun.]

Yeah, in the flesh. [WINK!] You wanna tell me about that 'upgrade' I need again, kiddo?

[arf]

[ Oh-! Oh right! Taichi firms up and shakes himself out of it. ]

Of course! A good zaddy needs to treat his baes right! I guarantee your sugar baby is going to love this authentic high-end purse with hand-stitched seams.

[ At least he's not full of shit, he knows enough about sewing to be able to tell how they were sewn. ]

[groundzeroes]

[It takes all of Rei's willpower to keep a straight face. HELP, he's been government assigned "sugar daddy"!!!!! Actually that's exactly his vibe, so Taichi isn't even wrong except on the technicality of Rei not having a sugar baby. (Does paying Sasara's salary count?)]

"Authentic," huh. A good campaign word. Suggests much, promises nothing.

[He doesn't actually care overmuch about the purse itself, but buying the damned thing and giving it to Kate to piss her off, or giving it to Izumi in front of Sakyo to piss him off, is sounding funnier and funnier.]

So? You got any previous customer endorsements?

[arf]

Of course I do, dearie!

[ Taichi, who never has any problem with personal space despite that he probably should have a little more respect for it, comes up to his side to show him his phone. A little bit of technomancy and he has sent himself text messages of people thanking him for the high quality, authentic purses!! They love their Cucci and Dulce&Gabbono handbags!!! He tilts his head to rest it against Rei's big arm. ]

See? Lovely satisfied customers! You can't miss with me!

[ Wow, look at that, he's even sold a Soupreme and the customer is so thankful he didn't have to wait in the line outside the store in the rain! ]

[reloves]

[ It's funny. Minako helped out with her portion of this, selling handbags and all, but she didn't quite think about the fact that obviously other people could have offered to help out with it as well..

So when she comes across Taichi on the street, with him looking like that and acting like that and all..

.. Minako just stares.

Like she's trying to process what she's experiencing here for a moment or two until it hits her what he's trying to do. ]

Um.. is this the way you're trying to sell them?

[ SHE'S NOT EVEN ACTIVELY TRYING TO BURN HIM HERE OR SOMETHING.. It's just.. her natural reaction with that blank stare on her face... Sorry, Taichi... ]

[arf]

Ah-! It's the goddess!!

[ HOW EMBARRASSING..!! It throws him right out of his act for a second before he shakes his head. ]

Don't you look like one, I mean! Hehe, doesn't it make you want one to see a fashionable lady like this who loves them?

[reloves]

Well.. I guess..?

[ She seems to be seriously considering it, considering Minako hums in thought before and after she speaks. She's even tilting her head to the side slightly in said consideration.. ]

But it's not like it has to be a lady, you know? If I saw a cute guy with a handbag, it'd have the same effect! [ Then again..

.. it's not really like Minako is Your Standard Person to have to convince in the first place, huh. ]

[arf]

[ A cute guy... well, Taichi's history is more... ]

I don't really attract a lot of girls...

[ He sighs, dramatically, slumping his shoulders. ]

[reloves]

[ Minako blinks, though she doesn't pause too long before she's already saying: ]

What do you mean?

[ It's hard to tell if she's surprised by that fact, or if she's just lightly scolding him for saying it in the first place.. Especially since she's moving to give him a pat on the back.

(Don't fall over in those heels, pal.) ]

Aren't you a sweet, attractive guy? What's so wrong with just being yourself?

[arf]

I only really get love letters from kids. [ he laughs sheepishly. ] And my fiance, I mean! But he only wrote it because he knew I really wanted one. 6 year olds can't really afford purses though, and it'd be pretty sketchy to take their money anyway!

[ Kids should just be given things, but he can't afford to just buy a bunch of nice purses for kiddos.. ]

[reloves]

[ .. aw, look at him mentioning his fiance like that.

It makes Minako smile. He's such a sweetheart, and she always appreciates it when people show their love for their significant other in small ways like this. ]

Wow, I guess that must mean everyone in the world is blind, other than your fiance!

[ There's a slight pause, before Minako adds-- ]

But.. how many handbags have you sold while looking like this then? [ Is it truly more appealing than Taichi in his natural form.

Because Minako can't imagine it. ]

[arf]

This world, Prismatica, and home...! [ He lets out a little defeated sniffle. No one's even flirted with him besides Hikaru..!! ] You're so nice.. that's why you're a goddess... holy benevolence...!! [ SOB!! ]

Hm... a couple? [ He holds up the bags, looking to count. Yeah. At least 2. ]

[reloves]

[ ... ]

Well, I guess that's.. better than nothing..!

[ Look at Minako. She's making a True Effort here to twist his 'couple of bags sold' into something positive here. If not just because he's one of the few people who actually respects her entire goddess thing!

And a goddess has to treat her subjects kindly, right? ]

Besides, I know what the problem is! The problem doesn't lie with you! [ There we go. Now that's the kind of flattery a goddess should be throwing around for her loyal subjects. She even smiles, starting to get her dramatic mode all fired up. ] The problem is just that the right people haven't come across you yet! The people who would fall for your charm, and instantly buy your entire inventory in one fell swoop..!

[whosaysdajare]

[ There are girls who dress like this in Osaka! Or more like, women. Older women. And this sorta thing reminds him of home in a way a segment on one of his shows would. Sketchy...err, in the funny kinda way and Sasara lets himself be stopped. ]

Wow-ee...? [ Well, they seems to speak the same language. ] Ya mean, like, bishaa!? [ ...exaggerated, dramatic attention thrown someone's way. Sasara's hand motions underscore the a meaning. ]

[arf]

[ Bishaa? Taichi blinks twice, then tries again. ]

Bishaa~! [ He lets out a coy little chuckle behind his hand, as if somehow that is flirty. ] My, Mister! You've got style!

[ Okay, but he really does like bright colors and stuff so Sasara's style is pretty good to him. That's not even a fib. ]

[tsumtsuki]

Um... [ ... Tsumugi has several questions here. Like why is he dressed like that, what does he mean by "wow-ee", and did he really mean to approach him of all people with a handbag? Him, Tsumugi Tsukioka, whose entire aesthetic is plain and simple?

... though actually, he might've been a good choice, because: ] I guess I'll buy one? [ M-maybe he'll find a use for it! Yeah...! ]

[arf]

Really!?

[ THAT WAS SO EASY..!! Tsumugi-san..! His eyes are full of love for just a second because this is really helping him out! He's only half in-character since he does have to sell them, but he sidles up to Tsumugi and slips an arm around his, wiggling like a cartoonish sugar baby on her daddy's arm... ]

Which one did you want? I can make a recommendation of course, boo~

[tsumtsuki]

[ Assigned Sugar Daddy In Bracket Text

Tsumugi considers his options (aka the purses dangling from Taichi's arms) for a moment before settling on: ] I'll get whatever you think is best, Taichi-kun. [ A pause. ] - Oh. Sorry, what should I call you?

[ give me a terrible name i dare you ]

[arf]

I am... Lady Bara~!

[ Taichi is the farthest thing from "bara" in any way... ]

A lucky Papi like you deserves a Rosy special! [ he holds out a purse like this! ]

[tsumtsuki]

Oh! [ Honestly, he was going to buy the purse no matter what Taichi- sorry, Lady Bara chose for him, but he actually likes this one a lot! Simple, yet artsy... and since he wears a lot of browns normally, the colors go well too. Not that he expected less from one of Mankaika's craftiest (in the arts and crafts sense) people, but still! ] I'd definitely like to buy that one.

Do you have any others you'd think I might like? [ spare zabi purse ma'am??? ]

[arf]

Hmm...

[ Taichi holds up his left arm, then is right, looking through the purses he's been carrying around as he thinks of which one to suggest, then suddenly perks up. ]

Oh! The small one! Hold these.

[ He has to shove about five of the purses off on Mugi so he can get into one and pull out a tiny coin purse that was so small he just tucked it into another one so it was easy to carry around. ]

Hehe, it's not very big, but I think you'll like it!

[tsumtsuki]

[ He very helpfully holds the purses shoved off on him, curious as to what Taichi's digging around to find... and the wait turns out to be completely worth it. He's almost childishly excited as he holds the little coin purse in his hands. ]

It's so cute! The dog looks so much like Zabi. [ ZABI PURSE! ZABI PURSE! ] Thank you so much, Lady Bara. How much will it be for both?

[ congratulations on your incredibly low effort sale, taichi ]