isleofavalon | [ closed ] don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions

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[ closed ] don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions

🧙 WHO: Bakugou Katsuki + Midoriya Izuku
⚔️️ WHAT: Cupid Arrow "Courage"
🕒 WHEN: Sometime After Zidane shoots him
🗺️ WHERE: Their Place
⚠️ WARNINGS: FEELINGS, Bakugou's mouth

[ Of course being hit with one of those shitty arrows is the last thing that Katsuki could have wanted. There were a lot of bad results that could have been handed to him, but honestly? The blonde would rather have the one that would have forced him to always taste chocolate. Hell, even the horny as fuck one might have been preferable over the on that...

That...

That forces him to be open and honest with his feelings.

After Katsuki had figured out what it does, the blonde had hightailed it home. The plan is to actually just block himself in his designated room until the effects wear off. Nobody can catch him like this. Nobody. That's why he's kind of pacing in the kitchen for a moment, grabbing something to drink before just moving up the stairs. ]

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I'm not sick!

[ He's not pulling away from Izuku exactly. Side stepping the hand after a moment. Part of him wants to fight what is going on. What he feels compelled to say and talk about. On the other hand, fighting it isn't really going to work. ]

I got hit with one of those shitty arrows. So I was thinking about just ignoring the world for the day because I'm not good at handling my shit where emotions are involved.

...Eh?! Arrows?!

[Don't startle him with something like that because he's only going to get more into Katsuki's face for it. He's concerned now!]

These arrows have something to do with your emotions, Kacchan? Just what are you feeling right now? Do we need to find a healer right now?

[Fussy...]

It was Monkey Boy! He hit me with this arrow called a fucking Courage Arrow or some shit like that.

[ Taking Izuku's hands and holding them. So he doesn't fidget. ]

I'm fine. It doesn't actually cause any injuries.

Monkey- [Oh.] Zidane-san?!

[He pauses his panic once Katsukui grabs his hands but he still looks up at him with that concern in his eyes. He's not sure how much more courage Katsuki could possibly need, he's one of the most brightly courageous people he knows.]

Are you sure you're feeling okay...?

Fine. Physically fucking fine.

[ But now he's kneading Izuku's hands. Nervous. Anxious. It's all about - ]

But m'irritated. This shit is going to make me spew my feelings and there's nothing I can do about it.

[...]

Really?

[........... Okay, no lie. That has a few gear ticking in Izuku's head. He really shouldn't think about it. He really shouldn't take advantage of Katsuki being vulnerable like this. He really shouldn't- He-]

What... Sort of feelings?

[HE SHOULDN'T...]

[ It's out of frustration that he starts to crack his knuckles. Had he his Quirk, he'd be producing sparks for sure. Just a habit of his. Partially from fighting the impulse but also... No. It really is just because he is fighting with himself. ]

I don't know? Any? All?

[ So nothing really specific. Just flat out honesty in general. ]

Like I just wanted to fucking go up and hide until it wears off but I'm here because you wanna do some shit together and I don't want to say no to that either?

[He really shouldn't take advantage of this. But he has to admit there's this part of him that's extremely curious- even if he knows that they're together and that they care for each other. He just so rarely gets to hear it. Katsuki's not the sort of person to say how he feels out loud very often! So, is it really so bad to feel like he sort of wants to ask...?]

Kacchan.

[He swallows quickly and squeezes those hands back gently.]

Would you be upset at me if I asked you about how you felt... about me?

[Being safe and asking that first!!!]

[ He immediately tenses. This is the sort of thing that Katsuki thought might happen. That Izuku would do something like this.

But he's... Not exactly angry over it. ]

More like terrified. Mostly. Because I thought you would.

[Izuku's cheeks flare red and he tries not to break his eye contact.]

If you don't want to say anything... I won't make you.

[He swallows.]

Anything you say, I don't want you to be scared to say it.

[ Izuku might not break eye contact, but Katsuki is. Usually he'd be rolling and groaning and trying to blow something up. Because that's usually the struggle that he has with being honest with himself and others. At least openly. Verbally. ]

I ain't scared to say anything. Anybody else asks and I have no problem telling them how I feel about you or any of this.

[ It's just that saying it to Izuku is the problem. ]

Sometimes I look at you and I just can't keep my shit together.

[Oh. Well, that's an entirely another thing to be surprised about and Izuku thinks quickly.]

You've talked to other people about me?

[Izuku tends to babble every so often about Katsuki. Probably a little too much. But he had no idea that people have asked Katsuki about Izuku.]

It's hard to believe that you'd struggle with something, Kacchan. I ... I have to admit I'm wondering why you think that when it's me involved...

Why the hell wouldn't I? I ain't ashamed or anything like that.

[ Again, it's not like they are really keeping anything like this a secret or something like that. Usually it just doesn't come up. But if Katsuki is ever confronted with that or if someone asks, he doesn't dare deny it. ]

And because it's you, obviously. I've never been able to hold it together. Beats the fuck out of me why. That's been a thing for years. If I'm gonna lose my cool, it's around you. My Quirk evolving a bit was because of motherfucking you.

[ He runs a hand through his hair. Shaking a little bit. ]

But what happens if it's easy to tell you shit now and it's not later? Are you gonna feel cheated? Disappointed?

[It's actually a little surprising to Izuku to know that! They aren't keeping anything a secret. If anyone asks they'll talk or be honest about it. But he really didn't know that Katsuki cared to talk about him much. Maybe he was wrong about that. And everything else that Katsuki says? That's why he's a little curious about this courageous arrow wound Katsuki might have...?

He feels a small burn across his cheeks.]

I just... That's just a surprise to me, Kacchan.

[He kind of wants to know what else he has said about him...]

I think most of that has to do with us being rivals or childhood friends. But I ... I'm not going to feel cheated or disappointed. Now or later... It's not going to change how you feel, is it?

[Gosh, he hopes not.]

[ Maybe it's more accurate to say that Katsuki isn't keeping it a secret. He's also aware that some of this would be a surprise to Izuku. It's not like the blonde is really comfortable talking about his feelings. Any time he feels a particularly strong emotion he seems to need to smother it with aggression or getting defensive. He wishes that things could be easier in that department. The feelings department. ]

Probably. There's definitely some of that going on.

[ He's standing and rubbing along his arm. ]

Pretty sure my feelings aren't changing any time soon.

Right.

[Although Izuku has a feel small doubts of his own about how Katsuki might feel about him he has to take that at face value. Katsuki says it so he means it. And under whatever charm he has on him right now...

Except, Izuku can't really help it. As much as Izuku knows his feelings are never going to change he sometimes thinks that this won't last. Katsuki might go back to how he used to see Izuku. It might go back to how it was. It's bad to think that but...

He nods.]

Then I won't ask you about it, Kacchan. You can tell me whenever you feel like it, ne? I don't want you to think you have to.

[ And Katsuki actually expects Izuku to harbor some of those thoughts and feelings. It has to be hard, constantly worrying about whether or not those feelings are going to stay. Or if Katsuki will start being a jerk again. It's completely legitimate and the blonde can't say that he'd blame Izuku at all.

Not that he's going to go backwards. No, Katsuki is rather dedicated to moving forward. So he reaches for the nerd. Pulls him in and tucks his face against Izuku's neck. ]

How are you so fucking noble all the time? I'm like in awe while pissed off about it too.

Ah-

[The pull forward and the way Katsuki hides his face makes Izuku let out a small surprised noise. He laughs a little awkwardly before his arms come to hold the blond. He hugs him close and smiles into his hair.]

Why do you say that?

Because. You're just so... Fucking you.

[ He shifts, mostly so he can rest his chin on Izuku's shoulder. Huffing a little bit and rolling his eyes. ]

That type of personality? That's why you might have been able to become Number One. You're leagues ahead of the rest of us in that department.

[Izuku blinks quickly. And then feels his cheeks get warm with a little happiness and ... pride? It's a special kind of feeling when Katsuki says that he could be Number One??

No, don't cry! Don't cry, Izuku!]

Ah- K-Kacchan... T-That means a lot to me to h-hear!

[ Wait. Is the nerd sniffling? Is he... Is he going to start crying? Katsuki tenses up a bit. ]

Are you seriously getting emotional?

N-no!

[Yes.]

It's... It's not often that I hear something like you think I could be number one-!

[He chokes up and hugs Katsuki tighter. He's pretty sure he's never heard Katsuki say that to his face. It's always that Katsuki will be number one. That part of their rivalry is always clear!!]

Just because you don't hear me say doesn't mean I don't think - hey!

[ Izuku is hugging him even tighter. And he's pretty sure there's going to be wet tears on his shirt again. He just knows it. Yet Katsuki huffs. Sighs. Then puts a hand in Izuku's hair. ]

Augh whatever. Do what you want.

[Fine- He's going to do what he wants and hug Katsuki as tight as he wants to. Because he's a happy sobbing mess now. A total drippy wet blanket. Nuzzling a little into Katsuki's shoulder.]

I'm glad you think so, Kacchan! It ... That means a lot to me!

[Really, more than he can even blubber about.]

[ Yeah he's going to need to wash this almost immediately. Katsuki just holds Izuku for a bit longer. Let's him work this all out of his system. ]

You pretty much are on my mind like all of the fucking time. So it shouldn't be so surprising for you to heart it.

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