isleofavalon | [closed] Better to be Hated

Entry tags:

katekyou hitman reborn: hayato gokudera

[closed] Better to be Hated

🧙 WHO: Gokudera Hayato and his roommates
⚔️️ WHAT: TL;DR Zuko and Gokudera were bffs in Prisma but the Gokudera in Avalon is from canon. They fight and this log is the aftermath.
🕒 WHEN: After the trip to Celliwig
🗺️ WHERE: Camelot
⚠️ WARNINGS: Mentions of self-harm; Gokudera is an explosives expert and doesn't value his own life

It's the dark hours of the morning when Gokudera takes a portal back to Camelot, appearing on the street in a sorry and familiar state. His clothing is charred, soot marring pale skin. He's littered with scratches, bruises, and burns, and he's sore, exhausted from expending too much magic and energy fighting. The walk to the inn is easy enough, practiced while the weather greets him bitterly. Cold bites at him as ice makes the ground beneath his feet hard and cracking like thin glass.

Gokudera is quiet in his trek to the space he shares with his boss and fellow Guardian, not wanting to wake anyone up. They knew he'd be out.

But not even he expected to have gotten into the fight he's clearly marked from. He smells a mixture of sulfur from explosives and smoke from his cigarettes, blood adding a metallic twinge to the air. Gokudera would rather not risk moving about too much for fear of waking either of his friends up, so he kicks off his shoes at the door and collapses upon the couch in their main living area. Dirt and ash settle in on his figure as he lets out a few long breaths, then drops a forearm over his eyes.

He's having a hard time finding the thoughts he needs to explain what happened, because he'll obviously have to explain himself... who he fought, why he fought, and if his injuries are beyond repair. They aren't. Gokudera isn't knocking on death's door like his fight with Bel had left him. Instead of having his own private space to be a wreck in, he knows he'll be a point of worry for the one person he cares about most. He shouldn't have come back here, but he knows better than to end himself because of a mistake. The Tenth will have to hear what happened, and he'll figure something out.

Gokudera should be sleeping. His body is screaming with exhaustion, but his mind is not quiet. His breathing is labored, too much smoke inhalation having made him dizzy and adding a grit to his throat he doesn't want. There's blood on his knuckles, clotted, and his palms feel bruised from creating a shield that did not hold, and took a literal burning kick

[[ooc: Though this log is closed, I'm open to plotting out stuff around it! Want your character to see Gokudera all beat up and try to help him or whatever? Lemme know!]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[When he arrived in the future, it has been impressed on Tsuna just how much danger they were in. While they had the base, there was a measure of safety but more often than not it was a shaky one at best. They always ran the risk of being discovered, of being found, and what that would mean. There weren't a lot of places to run to.

As such, Tsuna had developed a running list of where everyone was, more or less, and he'd go over it before he went to sleep. As long as he knew where everyone was, he'd be able to get some rest (especially since his body was usually screaming for it). They didn't have to be in bed but as long as he could account for them, it would be fine.

Camelot is a lot safer than the future, but Tsuna still does a running tally. He has to trust everyone else is safe in their world, but he likes to account for Gokudera and Yamamoto. If he knows where his friends are, he can keep them safe.

So when Gokudera doesn't come home that night, Tsuna is nervous. He reminds himself that Camelot is safe, that Gokudera can take care of himself, that the Millefiore don't exist in this world, but he still can't shake the nerves and even an attempt to go to bed only results in tossing and turning. When he hears the door, he can finally sigh in relief.

He'll just go out to confirm it's Gokudera and say good night.]

Gokudera-kun, is that you? How come you're back so late?

[Exhausted, teetering on the edge of consciousness, Gokudera isn't focused on much else except that he's full of regret. How does he make right what another version of himself did? He needs to sleep, to recover from the fight and then get up and clean off everything he's wearing from battle.

Hearing his boss's voice is like a splash of cold water, and he sits up, moving too quickly despite the screaming of pain his body.]

It's me, Tenth!

[Good thing it's dark and he hasn't bothered to turn a light on. The longer he's in the dark, the more likely his boss won't notice the damage his right-hand has sustained. He doesn't want to hide from the Tenth, but he's also not fully processed what has happened. Before all that...]

I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you worry! Someone found me outside of Celliwig and they know about the Vongola!

[He throws himself onto the ground in a deep bow, forehead pressed to the floor. If Tsuna can't see the state he's in while they're both literally in the dark, he may be able to smell the smoke from dynamite wafting off Gokudera's clothing.]

I fought them to try and keep them quiet! [He is not lifting his head in shame, just pressing it down harder. How can he tell his boss that he lost? That someone knows about the mafia, and now it's likely that more people in this world will know?! Gokudera's been happy not having to focus on the mafia, and he knows his boss has been, too. Now it's ruined for the both of them.]

I'm so so sorry...

[It's all his fault. He didn't tell anyone, but someone else, some other version of himself did!]

Oh good, I was starting to worry...

[Tsuna starts to say before Gokudera continues and there's a wave of fear that washes over him as the words sink in. Someone else knows about the Vongola? He doesn't think anyone's really mentioned their mafia connections, and he usually tries to keep that a secret because how do you even begin to explain.]

W-who? Did you know them? Was it someone with the Millefiore?

[What if it was Byakuran? They should have been more careful. And what can they even do here? Tsuna's mind is racing until the scent of smoke reaches him and he can hear Gokudera apologizing. And that puts those thoughts on hold.]

W-what happened, exactly? Are you hurt?

[Do they even have a first aid kit? Should he get Yamamoto?]

Some guy named Zuko. I’ve never met him before but he knows me!

[Gokudera’s tone holds clear worry. Millefiore sounds like a family name. An enemy? He looks up, wondering if his opponent had been from another mafia family.]

Millefiore...?

[Realizing he has to admit his defeat, Gokudera hangs his head once more.]

I tried to take him out and convince him he was wrong, but he knew my name and the family, and about you, and he swears I told him. I didn’t! I promise!

I... I’ll be fine. I’m sorry for worrying you, Tenth but I’m sure we should avoid him. Maybe if he’s the only one talking like that... everyone will think he’s crazy! He uh... he’s got a large scar over one eye.

[As usual, Gokudera puts his own health on the back-burner. This is about the safety and security of their Family. He gets up off the floor with more of a struggle than he shows, body sore and heavy, uncooperative at best and making him stagger some.]

He has elemental magic and a dragon, and he’s very strong. I used a portal to get back so he couldn’t pursue me and find us.

[Tsuna doesn't like the idea of an enemy being here already, and he's not sure what to do about it. It's times like these that he wishes Reborn was here. His tutor would know what to do, or at least, he would guide Tsuna in what to do. On his own, Tsuna isn't sure what decisions to make.

But he doesn't remember the name Zuko coming up or anyone with that description from what they knew of the Millefiore family, but that doesn't mean there isn't an association.]

The Millefiore family are the ones we're fighting in the future. But I don't think we fought anyone like him so he might not be associated with them.

[Is there another mafia family?]

If he doesn't know where to find us, we've probably got some time.

[He's tired and doesn't really know what to think. He doesn't want to relocate or anything like that. But he hears the staggering and goes to turn on the light so he can help Gokudera better.]

Are you sure you're okay...?

[Because with the lights on he's obviously not.]

He said he wasn’t an enemy or even in the Mafia, but I don’t know whether he was lying or not. Apparently, I told him, which... I never would.

[Also Zuko hadn’t been aggressive until he’d gotten Gokudera past his explosive state... to when he was recklessly trying to blow himself up for his mistake of betraying the Family’s security by telling someone outside of it about them.]

Do you think we should try to go somewhere else?

[Moving around hurts, and as the light is turned on, he looks an even more sorry state than the sounds he made would let on. The gig is up, and he’s taking a seat back on the couch, letting out a rattled breath.]

I will be. I just need to clean up and bandage myself... this isn’t anything I’ve never dealt with before. [Considering most of the wounds are from his own dynamite. It’s all just par for the course. The kicks from Zuko had given him scraped up and throbbing hands, nearly burnt palms, but he’s not showing off how much damage he took if he can avoid it.]

I’m sorry I couldn’t take him out.

[He’s at least relieved that the guy didn’t follow him.]

[Even if the injuries are from Gokudera's own doing, it still bothers Tsuna. He doesn't like to see his friends hurt and those injuries need to be treated before they do anything else.]

That doesn't matter right now. I"m just glad you're back in one piece...but do we have a first aid kit?

We can worry about everything else later.

[He's prepared to move them if they have to, but he'd like to talk to Yamamoto first, and this Zuko as well. Not that he's sure of what he'll say. He wishes Reborn or Dino was here. They would have advice.]

[Gokudera is touched by his boss's concern, but ashamed of his current state. His jaw tenses as he contains its shake and he ducks his head to hide his expression.]

Tenth...

[He feels like a fool. He is a fool. Of course the Tenth would be understanding, but he's useless as he is now. Gokudera has no idea what Zuko knows, who he's told what. He hopes he really doesn't mean them any harm, but if there are any enemy mafia families in this world and they find out... that's going to be an easy breach for information.]

I just need to lie down...

[He's feeling woozy enough to do so, and he tips over right on the couch as his body's exhaustion overrides whatever he wants to do.]

[Tsuna rushes back over, just to make sure that Gokudera doesn't roll off the couch or anything like that. He agrees that Gokudera needs rest right now, and if he stays there, Tsuna can find some form of first aid.]

Yeah, just stay there for now, and I'll get something to treat your injuries.

We can figure out the next step once you've rested.

[Gokudera doesn’t respond. He can’t really when he’s sliding out of consciousness, not wanting to have suddenly worried his boss already more than his state would have.

Luckily, most of the injuries seem to be minor burns on his forearms and hands, scuffed up elbows and the knees of his jeans. As with most times he blows himself up, he doesn’t literally blow himself up. It’s just recklessness, and a single-minded desire to be the relentless Storm Guardian worthy of that title.]

[Tsuna will at least make sure Gokudera's comfortable and then go find something he can use as a bandage or a first aid kit. He can do that much at least.

Then he's got to do something about this situation.]

The swordsman is not a heavy sleeper by nature anymore, one too many enemies in their rearview. He hears the bomber come in, Jirou's nose wriggles and the large Akita lets out a soft whine as the can smell Gokudera better than his human can. Yamamoto pats the side of his bed, calling the pup up with him and giving his ears a gentle scratch.

He can hear their voices, low, not quite able to make out the words but his instincts are telling him what he'll know once he walks out the door. But he waits for his friends to stop talking.

When he finally hears the conversation end and he knows the bomber is alone he slides from his bed. Barefoot he pads softly into the living, leaning in the door way he crosses his arms. He's annoyed by what he sees, it's what he expected but it's reckless, it's stressful for all of them and it's unnecessary. Even if he didn't want to worry Tsuna, he could have called Yamamoto.

He did not have to fight or if the fight could not be avoided he did not have to fight alone or take as much damage as it looks like he did. Finally, the baseball player speaks.

"What happened?" He doesn't sound annoyed, it's not enough to make him snap at his friend yet but he does think it's time for some honesty, Gokudera may not want it but from the looks of him, he needs it.

Gokudera is finally settling down, feeling better now that he has quiet to think through everything that’s happened. He knows that he can think well in the moment, but the way Zuko pushed him made him so angry. He shouldn’t have gone off and done so much, he knows. He regrets, because most every bit of exposed skin on him is marked in one way or another, skin itchy and sore from the burns.

Zuko didn’t want to fight him, but he did. Probably because Gokudera made him angry enough to do so, but the bomber doesn’t understand what that guy thought of him. How could anyone think highly enough of him and have the stupid urge to just barge up with an assumption of friendship. Even the people that like Gokudera and consider him their friends know he is not a friendly person. Literally, the Tenth is the only person who could approach him and get a warm reaction.

He’s most upset with himself above all, exhausted, and as he’s closing his eyes and trying to find some calm, he hears Yamamoto’s voice from the doorway. Gokudera gives a long-suffering groan and turns his head to look at his fellow Guardian.

“I got into a fight. What does it look like happened, baseball idiot?” Gokudera’s keeping his voice down, so Yamamoto may need to approach and have a seat in the living space to hear him properly.

He is not the type to glare harshly the way Gokudera does but that gaze of his is more reminiscent of Yamamoto in battle or on the baseball diamond than it is the laid-back, smiling way he usually has. Either way he fixes it on Gokudera at the answer, he can barely hear him but he hears it well enough to get the words.

"That's obvious, and you know that's not what I meant." He meant who, why, is there a threat or is this Gokudera flying off being Gokudera without Yamamoto there to step in and hold him back?

Is there a reason Gokudera didn't call one of them, both their Boss and the Rain Guardian would have woken at their devices and come to aide or done any number of things, even just meet Gokudera after the fight to try and see that he was taken care of. Which he obviously did not, the smell of sulfur in their shared living space gives that away.

The swordsman steps in, dropping into a chair, despite the late hour he is as graceful as ever in his movements, maybe more so because he is not in that let me placate and make things better mind-set, he is in the part of his mind that makes him fit not just to be the Rain Guardian but a natural-born hitman. It's one of those moments where the fact that he is not as much of an idiot as he seems comes through.

Gokudera shifts to sit up some, betraying his state even more with the amount of trouble he seems to have in moving. His injuries are not life-threatening. A first-aid kit and a long rest would take care of most of them. The way Yamamoto looks on at him does nothing to make him more willing to communicate.

"Then you should ask what you mean. A lot happened." Gokudera grumbles and when the other boy approaches, he seems to ease up slightly. Projecting is... difficult.

"Someone outside of the family knows about us. Not just... our names, but about the mafia, the Family. Apparently, another version of me told him. I tried to shut him up, attacked him." It's the short version, because Gokudera was so upset, he feels justified, his hands ache from creating a shield that was broken by a single flaming kick... ignited his dynamite. His body is aching something fierce. "But he's tough. I don't know if he'll tell anyone else about the Family... At this rate, if there is an enemy family, we could be found out..." And Gokudera slouches some, hangs his head. It's all his fault.

In a way he knows he is not responsible for, he betrayed the safety of the Vongola. Forlorn, Gokudera isn't going to share why he didn't ask for help or notify any of them. No one has asked.

There is faint softening in the swordsman, sympathy for the way his friend is obviously hurt. It does not take away his annoyance, clearly the other went all out. Clearly, he once again had no thought for his own life and did not consider that working together is always better.

"Don't blame me because you're mad." He is not harsh in how he says it, he is firm. He does not want to fight with Gokudera, in truth he wants to help but the thing is, sometimes they seem like oil and water, no matter what he does, he sets the bomber off. Though just like before (For Yamamoto at least) he will persist, it's what he does.

He listens as Gokudera speaks, his eyes narrowing, he has yet to tell either of his friends about the future in any real detail, neither of them has asked and both seem to be from before so much happens that it is a lot to explain.

"Why didn't you call one of us? If it involves the Vongola then it's an us problem not a you problem." He should know Yamamoto would ask, he is not one to mince his words, when he speaks it is the truth, sometimes too bluntly for his own good. To him it does not matter how this person found out, it does not matter if he will keep the secret, after all, he could be an ally for all they know, the information would have helped, not jumping to the attack would have helped.

Now even if they weren't in danger before, at least to his way of thinking one of his friends if not both of them may now be, because if this person retaliates. Well, he'll cross that bridge when it comes, feeling the loss of his Shigure Kintoki and flames all the more, he needs to find out if magic can at least restore his weapon to it's edged state.

"Who the fuck said I was blaming you? You asked a question and I answered. Don't be an asshole." He grumbles and fishes around for a cigarette. He used the last up in his battle, so he goes for the next best thing, a stick of licorice root he'd placed in a side table by the couch he's reclined on. It's good enough to cut the craving, and he does little more than nip at it.

"I'm the one who told him about the Vongola! It was my problem to fix... If I could have dealt with him, then it wouldn't be anyone's problem." No one can say he is irresponsible. Gokudera's not looking up, just rubbing his temples with one hand, fidgeting with the licorice root with the other.

"He targeted me, after all..." Gokudera has no idea why Yamamoto cares. It's not like he's entirely focused on the mafia as much as the bomber is. He just has no idea how involved the baseball idiot will get, how much dedication he'll put towards them. For now, it's just Gokudera being the most mafia-oriented one of the group. Yamamoto would live an easy life either way, he thinks. Gokudera's been happy to not be so focused on the family's future in Avalon. They've been able to live a relatively carefree life.

And another version of himself ruined it!

"Maa, maa Gokudera, we both know that's not what I meant." He is not trying to be an asshole, then again, neither is Gokudera probably. Not really, what he is doing is processing through whatever happened and whatever that does not look to have been good.

"It might not have been a problem, it's not like you would tell someone you couldn't trust." He means it's obvious to him if Gokudera told someone about the Vongola it had to be because he trusted them. He would never put Tsuna's safety at risk, even if he has reverted to a mindset that only cares if Tsuna is safe, that has always been and always will be a part of who he is Yamamoto believes.

The swordsman does not sigh but his eyes do fall closed for a moment as he tries not to respond too harshly, too not turn this into one of their bickering matches.

"You attacked him, from what you said he wasn't trying to fight you." They have allies, maybe this guy is one. Or maybe he was, there is no telling now, and what if he is from another family, what if he has other family members here. In the end, Yamamoto is trying to get Gokudera to understand that his actions made the situation worse, maybe it was not a threat at all. And if not, if the outcome was still that this person was a threat, neither Yamamoto nor Tsuna is going to blame Gokudera for what another version of himself has done.

They are going to have to do something about this, if Tsuna does not have a plan come morning, Yamamoto may himself just go seek this person out, try to smooth it over.

"And so what if he targeted you, it doesn't explain why you took him on alone. We're supposed to depend on each other, it's how we survive everything that's coming." It's how he is still here, alive, very much a walking, talking miracle, proof of what they can all accomplish as a team because he knows even if he has not told anyone, he should have died, more than once now if he is honest.

No they don't. Gokudera takes too much too seriously and usually the wrong way. The baseball idiot has no idea that the ease with which he handles everything involving the mafia is offensive. It's Gokudera's way of life, and the swordsman just takes to it as if it were some small challenge. The bomber is tired and worn out, and his temper feels rubbed raw from the ordeal he just got out of. The last thing he's going to do is assume anyone means him well, or that Yamamoto just wants to help.

"No one outside of the Family is supposed to know about it, idiot!" Gokudera wrings his hands, but realizes that they're raw from his shield breaking under that flaming kick Zuko had landed. He just settles for glaring down at them. "It's Omertà. Not just something I came up with to justify attacking this guy! I don't care about whether I trusted him or not. It's the same reason we don't just talk about the Vongola to the girls, or your dad! It's to keep them and us safe!" He motions a hand around. Gokudera can't gesticulate as actively as normal when he's so tired, but he means it. What all he's done tonight was an attempt to deal with the problem before it could get too big.

He nods. Right. He attacked Zuko and the guy didn't fight him. He fought back at the end, but Gokudera honestly isn't surprised by that. It's more surprising how long it took, actually.

Gokudera loses control a lot, and he's quick to start fights. Zuko is not the first person he's faced on his own. "In the heat of the moment, the last thing I wanted to do was bring the Tenth in on something like this." It would have just highlighted the mistake he made and make him feel only shame.

Thing is, why would anyone assume anything else, all Yamamoto ever tries to do most of the time is help. Does he always get it right? No. Does he mean to make things worse when he does? No. He forgets, that Gokudera still sees him as the carefree idiot who could not take anything seriously. For a moment his hand actually goes to the scar from Kaoru, it's like a phantom pain but it's there. Ease, Gokudera can think things are easy for him, it is far from it. The thing is, Yamamoto internalizes and shows no outward signs of his own struggles, it's not in his nature. His nature is to help the people he cares about. And while he may at this moment be making Yamamoto's eye want to twitch from annoyance, Gokudera is still someone he cares about.

"You can't even trust yourself." He gets it, better than Gokudera may realize at this point in time, having not been through the things together that Yamamoto remembers back home. But the thing is, he is frustrated that the bomber is not understanding what he is trying to say. To him, if Gokudera told someone then they were family or a close enough ally that entrusting them had to be safe. It's not like he would meet someone and just tell their story.

He stands up, when he walks out it's clear from the look, the way his body is held that he is anything but the calm, patient Rain, right this moment it's all simmering below the surface but he has it in check. Instead, he goes and gets their first aid kit.

When he comes back he drops it by Gokudera along with a warm washcloth. That he rests his older self's sword and his shgiure kintoki against his chair is a sign, if there is trouble he'll have to make sure he always has them on, just to be safe. " I get it, better than you think Gokudera but handling it like this, isn't doing anything. It'll stress Tsuna out, it put us in more danger because even if the guy meant no harm he could decide now he wants to come after us. Maybe he has allies who will try to avenge him."

He sighs, pulling back to a hard edge in his tone when he speaks next. "Tsuna not the only one from the Vongola here, Gokudera." He can understand not wanting to stress Tsuna out or drag him into it, but the swordsman would come to aide as fast as Tsuna would. Probably could have helped diffused things. In the end, when Yamamoto or if Yamamoto ever hears an exact account of how the fight went, he will double down on the conclusion that Gokudera overreacted, that talking to this person may have been a better idea.

Edited 2021-01-22 18:55 (UTC)

Gokudera has no idea what Yamamoto has been through. It's just simmering dislike piled up, and a desire to view himself as the right-hand man to his boss. Yamamoto doesn't understand because he's an outsider, and Gokudera treats him as such, and as competition. He's never welcomed him into the family. He can't know what the other boy has been through if it's never been communicated, and if he did, that would just make him even more abrasive.

"Exactly..." He can't trust himself. The bomber is at a loss for what to do.

Gokudera glances up as Yamamoto walks out, and he doesn't feel any better from this conversation. Doesn't feel better about anything until he's given direction. There's no longer a plan to attack, just to establish that he doesn't want anyone outside of the family to threaten their safety. Gokudera wants his boss to be able to live as stress-free a time as he can. Few people know how truly heavy the mafia can be. This is an escape and it's being taken from him by himself.

"I already spoke to the Tenth." So now how this is handles is up to the boss. Clearly, Gokudera knows he didn't handle the confrontation with Zuko as well as he could have. "It's why I should have killed him." He grumbles and picks up the rag, but it's warm, which just hurts his burnt palms that much more. Gokudera instead carefully goes through the kit to look for antiseptic and burn ointment. "So that there won't be anyone knowing who did what." He fucked up. Every version of himself in his opinion is a fuck-up.

"Tch!" Gokudera glares up at Yamamoto. "And there are more families out there than the Vongola! We have no other back-up in this world! If there's a resident family that finds us out and wants to set up territory, we'll be targeted! All because I was too fucking stupid-" He throws the wet rag down in exasperation, "And trusted someone I shouldn't have!"

"Hindsight is fucking twenty-twenty! I shouldn't even have acknowledged him!" or fought him, but clearly it all falls like dominoes. Gokudera isn't trying to say that Yamamoto is not part of the Vongola. Just that he doesn't value him that way.

"He said I was betraying him! I would never betray anyone, that asshole..." Gokudera is unshakably loyal, and he's picking the rag back up, setting it aside and dabbing at the more aggravated burns with gauze before rubbing ointment on them. The rag would help get the soot off, but he needs cold water and maybe to just shut himself up, to simmer about everything for a while until he can get his mind settled and make a good decision one way or another. There's too much complicating everything.

Yamamoto remembers those feelings, in truth it got to a point he was sure Gokudera hated him. Still, he persisted and while they may not be best friends, they still compete, they still banter to a point that can almost sound like bickering, they are partners, friends and they do work well together. There are moments where he can see it, something goes right, like the Black Knight fight, then there are nights like tonight that he can feel the old annoyance in his veins again, the frustration that someone he knows is a good person, someone he believes in thinks so little of the rest around him. That he only lets Tsuna in, placing all the burden for everythign solely on their friend’s shoulders because Tsuna knows Gokudera only cares about him.

It’s not good, for either of them, the thing is, there is not battle with Gamma to push his button far enough at this point to make him truly lash out. No, this is just another tick on the pile, itching at his skin and building him up to something more if it keeps at this pace. Did the something more help in their world, in his timeline, yes, but that does not mean it is something Yamamoto is thinking about or wants to repeat. He sighs softly, closing his eyes knowing that blunt is all he can be but he also realizes at that Exactly that Gokudera took what he said the wrong way.

The bomber is not seeing it the way his fellow Guardian does. Yamamoto nods when he says he has already told Tsuna, he’ll have to talk to his friend in the morning, see what the other wants to do about this situation. Yamamoto was just thinking of infection, but he also would offer to help with Gokudera’s wounds, except, he has a feeling that would not go over well. The bomber is already raw enough and the swordsman despite his irritation honestly does not want to make it worse.

“Killing is not the answer.” He snaps back at the should have killed him comment, he meant to keep himself in check and it was a barely-there slip but it was a slip. Taking a life should not be that simple, taking a life should be the last resort. Natural-born hitman or not, Yamamoto is never going to think that taking a life is the only recourse, till it is absolutely the only choice before his eyes.

“I know there are other families but there’s been no sign of it here, nothing. Ignoring him would have been better but you know, Gokudera, it’s okay to have friends. It's what we keep fighting for is to keep everyone safe so we can do things like have magic snowball fights and watch fireworks, play sports. You wouldn’t trust someone you shouldn’t, you barely trust anyone but Tsuna like you are now.” So if he put trust it must have been warranted, because he has trouble giving trust even to those he has reason to in Yamamoto’s opinion.

“Maa, maa, I know you wouldn’t, Tsuna knows you wouldn’t, isn’t that what matters the most? Maybe he was just upset, it’s no one’s fault if you can’t remember what happened in another timeline, it’s like in the future, how the only way we could win was in our timeline, but it wasn’t out fault that other versions of ourselves failed.” For all his attitude, his dedication and loyalty to those he cares about is not something that is in question or ever should be, while he will help smooth over this situation he would also want to point out to this Zuko that Gokudera not recognizing him, not knowing him is not a betrayal, that the bomber has no choice in what another version of him has done.

More than anyone, Gokudera thinks less of himself. It's not so much that everyone is not as important than the boss, even if he believes in that sentiment entirely. He has such a poor view of himself and his standing now. It hurts to reflect on what's happened, not because he thought to kill someone. But because he was willing to risk his own life in the process.

This Yamamoto is older than him, from a time he hasn't seen yet. Gokudera is intimidated by that, more abrasive than before. But the baseball idiot is still in the family. He must have a better idea of how the Tenth runs things. How much does he know about the mafia? Gokudera stares on at him, tense. It doesn't feel like Yamamoto wants to help him, but that he'd like to point out where the bomber is wrong. Gokudera knows his mistakes.

"Not in the mafia, it isn't." He grumbles, not looking to argue on this point. It's not okay to have friends in the mafia. Especially with someone who has no connection to the mafia. If... say... any kind of police were to look for them, or another family, then all of their friends not in the family would be at risk. He's been so careful, and honestly trying to get along with normal people! There are a few outside of the family he could almost call friends, but now everything is going to shit. They can't keep acting like the mafia was just a thing from their world. Especially if someone like Zuko goes around mentioning it!

"Like I am now?! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" He does have other people he trusts, but not very much. Gokudera is too tired to fight, but it seems that the baseball idiot wants to poke and prod at him nonetheless. If there have been no signs of other mafia families, then that means they are well hidden. Gokudera isn't going to believe so easily that there is not another person outside the three of them that are a part of the mafia or some other criminal organization.

"What do you mean, they failed?" That doesn't help him think any more highly of this Yamamoto. In a way, he is from the future, and while no one is without some sort of failure, Gokudera's not fond of the idea of letting Yamamoto talk down to him as if he knows so much better!

Yamamoto does not think low of Gokudera, he knows better, knows he is good, loyal, strong, reckless, yes, but he is dedicated to Tsuna and what they are all trying to do. He has come a long way in Yamamoto’s time, but he has to remind himself, this Gokudera does not have those memories. As it occurs to him, he probably does not help him feel any better to then have some stranger tell him there is even more that he does not remember.

The swordsman does not mean for it to come off that way; he is always better with actions than words, so it is no wonder that there is a disconnect. He will regret that his words came off in a way that seemed more attack or lecture than care for his friend. Because he does want to help, it’s all he wants to do; it is just unfortunate that at this time, circumstances are not allowing him to show that or helping Gokudera even to consider it a possibility.

He wants to say so many things he wants to tell, but till it is the right time, till they both seem receptive or ask him, Yamamoto holds back. Because less is most likely more here. He knows there being someone out there who knows about them, knows about the mafia complicates things. But, Tsuna will talk to this person, they will do what they have to do and continue to build this new life, take their little vacation, so to speak, of that the swordsman has no doubt. The trouble is getting Gokudera to see and understand that “Tsuna’ll talk to him, then he’ll tell us what to do.”

“Whatever happens because of it, we’re all together, and that’s the most important thing. You have to start trusting in more than Tsuna; I want to help.”

He sighs “Angry, pushing everyone who wants to be your friend anyway, refusing to trust anyone but Tsuna, that’s what I mean.” Yamamoto is always a look on the bright side kind of person. Even if they are not the only ones he believes everything will be alright, they can face anything that comes their way. He honestly does not want to fight, does not mean poke and prod, and makes Gokudera angrier. But he is also going, to be honest, it is who he is.

“They told us that Byakuran had succeeded in all other timelines but ours; we were the only ones with a chance of defeating him, and it couldn’t be done in one of these other timelines. It was confusing, but it seems to me if we can fix something like that, this shouldn’t be a problem. We can fix it.” Tsuna will have a plan; he has no doubt. He is not trying to talk down to Gokudera; he is not the type of person to do that; he’ll regret his tone here tonight, he will apologize for it, at the moment, it is easy not to realize there are better ways to go about this. It is possible the only way to go about this without angering Gokudera is by removing Yamamoto from the equation entirely.

Gokudera will think less of himself no matter what point in Yamamoto’s timeline he comes from. The Tenth is most important, without a doubt, and the baseball idiot is not incapable of doing the right thing when it’s all said and done. The bomber is very set in the frame of mind that he doesn’t belong in the mafia, and feels offended when Yamamoto does not take him seriously.

The mafia is not a team sport, and Gokudera has only really seen the Rain Guardian treating it as such. It isn’t to say that Yamamoto is not intense, to deny that he is some natural born hitman, but that Gokudera is offended by the cheerful attitude.

Being reminded of the fact that he does not remember so much only adds salt to the wound.

Having people outside of the mafia does more than complicate things. It endangers them. Gokudera trusts that the Tenth can handle Zuko and can make the right decisions. He also worries about his boss without Reborn-San around to help notice the things relevant to the Mafia that may seem glaringly obvious. Gokudera can’t be as watchful as he needs to, and knows he does not know about their future the way the Tenth and the baseball nut do. It’s infuriating to be so out of not one, but two loops. He has no idea what about other planets, or the future of his own life, and instead of informing him, Zuko took his lack of memory personally and accused him of betrayal, and Yamamoto is not helping fill in any blanks!

“In all other timelines...

What about this one? Where’s this guy Byakuran, and what of the Millefiore? Haven’t heard of them here yet, have we? I might not be from the future, and I may not know about anything that happened on that planet Zuko came from. I only know that I need to keep the Vongola safe.”

Gokudera puts his elbows to his thighs and his face in his hands. Everything is throbbing and sore, and his head hurts from the blasts still ringing distantly in his ears. “I just got my place as the Storm Guardian.”

“The Tenth will know what to do, and we’ll help him however we can. Zuko might not mean us any harm, but I don’t trust him to keep quiet about the Vongola. Do you understand what I’m worried about?” Gokudera looks up, obviously weary. All of Yamamoto’s sighing makes him irritated. No one told him to come out and talk with him, and honestly, the bomber would like some quiet. He can’t talk through everything when he hasn’t even processed it alone yet. It’s all just fired off emotions and irritability over his loss and the potential that his aggression could be threatening their safety.

He’s not even angry with Zuko for burning his hands so badly, for retaliating. Gokudera just wishes that the guy would have listened to him when he told him he didn’t remember him.

Yamamoto does not mean for it to seem like he does not take Gokudera seriously. He does. He knows the other has been involved in all of this longer than him. But he had grown since those days when he treated this like nothing more than a game. He may not have all the same views as Gokudera, but keeping his friends, the bomber included safe, is top of his priority list, and he knows it is for Gokudera too.

If he could express himself correctly, get his words in order instead of doing this when they both obviously should be sleeping, maybe he could get the other to see that what bothers him the most here is Gokudera's disregard for his own life. Because none of it matters if one of them is lost, that's not something that can be replaced, it will leave a permanent hole and not just for Tsuna.

The cheerful attitude is just him; his smile is harder won than anyone is likely ever to know. That intense side does not come from nowhere but that smile; it's how he gets through. It's how he supports his friends and helps to make them stronger by being a calm, steady presence with a positive outlook.

It does but Tsuna would never want them to shut themselves off from that for the Vongola. They don't fight just for the Vongola; it's for all their friends, for their home, for their family. Yamamoto can not fill in any blanks about other planets, but if Gokudera wants to know about their future, he'd gladly tell him. The swordsman has only kept his tongue because Tsuna never asks, and when he brings things up, Gokudera seems to get mad. It's all a bit confusing to think that someone is claiming to know Gokudera, have heard about the mafia from him on a strange planet, but it is in front of them now, and all they can do is deal with it.

"I haven't seen any of them or any signs of them. Besides, we face stronger people than him, and in the end, now, he's our ally, we changed things for the better for our future. I know I haven't talked about it much, Tsuna doesn't ask, and it makes you mad, but I can tell you everything when you're ready. Because it's all of us, who have to keep the Vongola safe." He's not trying to keep things from his friends; in truth would probably feel better if he could tell the entire story; they both are so far behind him that he feels disconnected in a way he is not used to.

"You earned your Storm Guardian Ring and a whole lot more." He hopes he expressed that right; he's trying to tell Gokudera that no matter where they are now, what has happened, his place in the Vongola, his place as Tsuna's friend as the swordsman's friend even is a place he deserves.

"That he'll expose us, and we'll end up facing enemies again, that none of us will be able to live in peace like we have since we got here." Yes, he gets it, but there is a determination in the swordsman to not let this happen. This is different, they have a chance here, and he knows it's a chance Tsuna wants, it's a chance Gokudera deserves, and well, Yamamoto does not care as long as he can be with the people he cares about.

"We'll deal with him as soon as Tsuna tells us what to do." Because Yamamoto can not fix this, but Tsuna can, and all he can do is try to be here for the both of them.

Even if Yamamoto takes the Mafia more seriously than he did before, than he did when Gokudera last saw him, it’s not something the bomber can so easily recognize. The baseball idiot does not need to prove himself, but Gokudera feels he should. He has no idea what the Rain Guardian has been through.

He doesn’t regret endangering himself in his fight with Zuko. His opponent had also not been so happy with the reckless way Gokudera had fought. He’s still learning to value his own life, and to live as a friend for Tsuna as opposed to a right-hand man for the Tenth Generation Vongola boss.

Part of the bomber wants to know about their future, but he worries on what would change. He can’t just become a different Gokudera by having so many things told to him. Those developments in who he is are made by experiences he has lived through. There is no easy way to process something he has not experienced. Yamamoto could spoil Gokudera and Tsuna’s futures for them, but there would be no real fundamental change as a result.

“Even if you did tell me, it’s not like it would make any difference.” Which is why he gets mad. It’s all ineffectual. The life Yamamoto has lived with the Tsuna and Gokudera from his world is not this Gokudera’s life. He could make some other choices that screw it all up. Better not to spoil anything and ruin the outcome of future events.

The bomber rolls his eyes. He’s not looking for encouragement. Gokudera is just exasperated, wanting a small reprieve in this world while he can. If there is no Mafia, then it should not be brought up.

“Exactly.” Good thing Yamamoto understands. “So until then, leave me alone.” He doesn’t sound angry, but he is trying to dismiss Yamamoto. Staying awake is enough of a struggle. Talking through things that they cannot change doesn’t help anyone. If the Tenth needs him... well... Gokudera’s done enough damage. He’s surprised enough that his boss isn’t mad, is incredibly grateful that there is no panic. The Tenth seems to be handling it well enough. If he needs help, the bomber won’t be surprised if he’s the last person his boss goes to. He fucked up, and he’s going to be marinating in his own aggravation for a while.

He rubs ointment on a few more burns, separates what he’s dirtied by touching from the rest of the kit, closes it, and pushes it away. Gokudera will clean up better once he’s more rested and can get up without having every part of his body ache and scream at him in protest.

“I’ve done enough.” Bad, but... still. Gokudera needs to calm down and get his head back on his shoulders.

Rather, he must prove himself or not; Yamamoto Takeshi is a young man who always proves himself if his actions are considered versus his words. He knows how to show, respond, and physically express himself better than any other way. So, if it’s proving himself that Gokudera wants to see, he will, that does not mean the swordsman is going to hold his tongue when he thinks the bomber is being too reckless, too standoffish when he is his own biggest hurdle because friends are honest with friends.

Though Yamamoto knows he does not regret this, he also knows, this may not be enough to get Gokudera to understand. Had he been there, maybe at the moment, he could have reached his point across. As it is, he is too calm to respond the way he did in their fight with Gamma; as much as he may regret how things were said, if he thinks of it, it was a pivotal moment, and it is one that may never occur here.

That, of course, does not mean the swordsman will give up; even if it is with different experiences, he is going to put in his effort here all over again and hope that one day, he can find the same results. After all, it would not be such a bad thing to find the same results with a more peaceful means. “Okay.”

He cannot argue that he sees the eye roll, and his reflex is as it usually is; Yamamoto chuckles softly, the sound ending on an inhalation. He does not bristle at the next words; it is not the first, nor the last time that Gokudera will say them to him, he is sure.

“Maa, maa, you could just say goodnight.” But he flashes a grin; he is joking, not that this means Gokudera would understand that. But the swordsman does get up; he leaves the room without saying anything else; going into the kitchen area, he gets a cup of water, brings it back, and sets it down for the bomber.

“You’ll have to do more; it’ll take all of us to keep us safe. Even if this Zuko guy isn't a threat.” They still don’t know enough about magic, and things are going on in this world the same as any other world; that means peace may be nice, but safety is not always guaranteed, and they know this better than anyone.

The rest will have to wait till morning; Yamamoto turns as if to head for his room, he stops at the doorway again.

“I’m glad you’re okay, and I am sure Tsuna is too.”

Gokudera would rather the baseball idiot not hold his tongue. There's got to be some reason why the Tenth considers him a friend, and he may know how to be a good friend, but the bomber isn't invested in things like that. He can't afford to just be so carefree about it all. His position in the family provides that he look out for his boss, and even those other people around him could set him up for trouble. He doesn't think Yamamoto would, but still... better safe than sorry.

At least the chuckle that the baseball idiot offers is a comfort. It's annoying, sure, but expected. Things can't be too bad if Yamamoto is laughing.

He lets out a huff of breath when the water is set down, reaches for it, and takes a drink before sitting back, relaxing a little. Gokudera worries that there may be other people from the same world Zuko arrived from that know about him. How much of an idiot was he? Who else could know about and target the Vongola?

Gokudera reaches for some painkillers in the kit and takes them with the remainder of the water the Rain Guardian provided. He's more aware and less watchful, and then glances up when he hears Yamamoto stop short of his room.

"Goodnight, Yamamoto."

That's a good thing, history has shown he is not so good at that. Yes he is a nice, cheerful guy but he is also a blunt one and has probably offended more than one person with that trait even if he does not mean to. One day he hopes he can get Gokudera to understand, it's about so much more than a position in the family, it's about all of them living a good life, together.

Nope, shit only gets real when Yamamoto Takeshi can no longer flash a grin or let out a chuckle, after all, this is the guy who can be caught laughing as he dodges a sword coming for his body.

Yamamoto has a feeling that Zuko is not a threat, he just can't fathom that Gokudera would reveal so much of himself to someone that he could not one hundred percent trust. Obviously, he and this person had some kind of bond but Gokudera does not remember it which means the trust no longer exists.

Either way, something tells Yamamoto none of them will be getting much sleep tonight. Though he hopes against hope that the bomber does at least for a little while, he needs to heal up so they can all be ready for what comes next. His weapon in his hand is a comfort.

"Goodnight Gokudera."

He steps into his room, shuts the door and the swordsman will spend the night there looking at Shigure Kintoki, going through each of his forms to try and activate the blade again, as well as he can fight with any sword, this is the one he knows best and all things considered, he wants it up and working again.

[Tsuna gets the feeling that he's probably not getting any more sleep that night. He's too wired with worry for Gokudera and their current predicament to even think of it. He's filled with the sense that he needs to do something, but he isn't sure what.

He waits until Gokudera is bandaged and resting before he goes to Yamamoto, knocking quietly on his door.]

Yamamoto? Sorry to wake you, but I need to talk to you.

[The swordsman was already awake, having had his own short but intense conversation with the bomber. He never did get the full story probably not the way Tsuna did and has been debating going to see if the other teenager is awake.

So the knock on his door does not surprise him, he's seated on the edge of his bed and is off it and to the door in a matter of seconds, pulling it open he has the same, confident smile on his face.

Even if he is worried, he is not going to show it.]

Hey Tsuna, what's up?

[He steps back, letting the other come in so that if Gokudera has found a way to get some rest they don't disturb him.]

It's about what happened, huh?

[Tsuna comes into the room first before answering, making sure the door is closed so that they don't wake Gokudera.]

Yeah, it is.

You heard everything?

[He nods, the weapons at his bedside should say enough.]

Yeah, is Gokudera alright? He seemed pretty beat up.

[They'll figure this out and while he may be ready for the worst, Yamamoto flashes a smile that says it all, he'll be hoping for the best.]

We're going to have to go meet this Zuko guy.

He'll be okay. He's resting right now.

[Tsuna's tended to what he could but the injuries weren't too bad.]

Yeah, we are. I was...thinking of contacting him over the phone. I want the whole story and I want to make sure we're safe.

We need to know if he's an enemy or not.

Edited 2021-01-29 03:44 (UTC)

That's good, I tried talking to him but it's like it used to be, he just gets angry at me no matter what I say.

[It was not as explosive as it could have been, but it was not as productive as he had hoped either. In truth, he is feeling a bit like a failure in all of this himself. He always seems to say the wrong thing to Gokudera, no matter how hard he tries.]

The phone is good but there should be a meeting, without Gokudera at first? But he'll hate that if we go without him, we can't hide it from him. Maybe we can work something out between them that won't put anyone in danger.

[Except there is just one thing that really bothers him here.]

I don't think Gokudera would tell anyone, let alone someone he doesn't trust, what if this person is lying? The meeting could be a trap.

[Even this feeling, the one that keeps his weapon close at hand, it's like back before, when every time they turned around someone wanted to battle them or something needed fixing.]

Yeah, I think so to. But I want to at least start talking to this guy.

I think once we do that, we might get a better idea of if it could be a trap or not.

[He's been thinking a lot about it, about how to even start that conversation.]

It's not like he sent Gokuderu-kun with a message. Gokudera-kun would have said something otherwise.

Good idea, do you think we should call him?

[he's not sure exactly how to do it but he's here to brainstorm with Tsuna. The thing is, Yamamoto is inclined to face to face interaction and to bluntness. So he'd approach this that way, or at least the first message. But, he has faith that Tsuna will know what to say, he's Tsuna!]

Yeah, it's strange, that he didn't seem to want to talk to you, usually, they always do.

I was just thinking a text.

[It's a little bit more distant, and will give him the chance to think about his replies. Plus they'll have a record.]

That makes me think that maybe he's not an enemy. But we can't know for sure.

[He sighs. He's tired.]

That's a good idea, why don't we do it now?

[Or maybe they should sleep, Tsuna looks tired and Yamamoto hears that sigh, his arm goes around his friend's shoulder and he offers that brilliant smile of his.]

We won't know till we talk to him, maybe he's another ally.

[All they can do is try to find out.]

Right.

[He's bolstered, as always, by Yamamoto's confidence and the simple act of that arm around his shoulder.]

I think I know what I'm going to say.

[He just has to psych himself up, and ignore the voice that sounds like Reborn telling him this is the boss's responsibility. He's just protecting his friends.]

[That is what he is here for, the steady Rain, making sure his friends are at their strongest by keeping their spirits up.]

You can do it, if anyone can figure this guy out it's you.

[And he believes it, believes it because Tsuna is his friend and they are both here to protect those friends. He's always been able to see it that way, no matter if he knows now it's way less of a game than he originally may have thought.]

I'll do my best. Thanks, Yamamoto.

[He nods to himself, planning on sending the text soon.]

I'll let you know how it goes, and when Gokudera-kun wakes up, we'll figure out our next steps.

Sure! That's what friends are for, I'll always be here if you need me. Gokudera too.

[Which means if for some reason things explode from that text or Tsuna just needs moral support while sending it, he is welcome to stay and Yamamoto will be that.]

It'll work out as long as we're all together.

[It always does. Even when it seems like it won't.]

[And for the first time since Gokudera's come back, Tsuna manages to regain something of a smile. There's a part of him that should probably know this, but the reminders from Yamamoto help. It's not just him fighting, has never been.]

Yeah, it will.

I think I can do this now, but I'll let you know what's happening.

Sorry for keeping you up.

[Swords, sports, and support, three things Yamamoto is good at, he can be a bit too laid back or oblivious to other things. Though less than people think, meaning, he means those words and will always, the rest of their lives have Tsuna's back no matter what.]

Of course, you can. Hahah! [He grins.]

Don't worry, I was awake anyway.

You should get some sleep now though. I think we're safe for the time being.

[He's probably not but he won't say anything about that.]

[He chuckles, nodding his head. It's not likely his Guardian will either, but he'll try.]

Alright! I'll see you in the morning Tsuna.

[Unless the other needs something else, he's likely to find the young swordsman laying in his bed, staring at his weapon or the ceiling while he thinks.]

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