isleofavalon | closed 🌠 the night is blind, so hard to find the way back home

[Tifa, on the other hand, doesn't fall asleep so easily. She's become hyper-aware of her surroundings, namely Clover being pressed against her back, and the warmth that Eustace gives off under the sheets that it's hard to think of anything else other than that and not rolling over and accidentally squishing the cat.

She closes her eyes and tries, but the relief of sleep never comes.

And at some point in the night, she has no idea when, the twitching, kicks, and small cries coming from behind her has her finally turning onto her other side. Clover is curled up into the tightest little ball, and even in the dark, Tifa can see her whiskers twitching. She slides a hand out from under the covers, and just as she's about to place a hand on the cat's head to comfort her, Clover lets out the saddest yowl before her eyes open and her body snaps into an alert position.

Instead of a pet, Tifa nudges the man laying on the other side to wake him, if that cry didn't already do the trick.]

Eustace...

Mmm...

[Has she ever heard him sound so sleepy and groggy? Drunk from that margarita doesn't count. But fortunately she won't have to try shaking him because the nudge alone is enough to get him at least aware and Clover's cry following him snaps him more awake.]

What happened?

[He sits up and looks at Tifa before looking down at the crying kitten.]

[Need she say more? The kitten speaks for herself, and Eustace will be able to at least understand that she's in distress, crying out for her mother and her siblings in her low, scared yowls.

Tifa is almost too afraid to touch her, like she might break if she does, so she only lays there next to Clover, her head propped up on a hand as she gently tries to lull her back to sleep. She has to give up after a few moments though, because nothing she tries to do seems to work.]

Nightmare, you think?

[Can he translate what she's saying, or is she just crying?]

[Similar to when a child cries, it's hard to really tell what it is. But he doesn't need to hear any words... He can see and understand it very plainly what it is.]

...Something like that.

[Nightmares yes, but it's more than that. Worse than that. He stares down at Clover, his expression strangely blank as if it's a mask as he first reaches out to pick up the kitten before his hand stops just a over he back.]

...Pick her up and hold her. This won't be the last time for a while, so you need to know how to take care of her and so she can learn to rely on you. What she needs is reassurance that she's not alone and that you won't leave her.

[His voice is quiet yet a little stiff, almost detached as if he's just giving instructions and nothing more, which might seem strange in this situation. It's not even him staying calm in an otherwise emotionally tense situation.]

[Tifa eyes him through darkness and the corners of her eyes, noting the stiffness in his voice to match her own movements. She's owned a cat and knows how to properly take care of one, but she didn't have anything to worry about with Maru. He was independent and would always run off on his own, and was otherwise a happy cat who would do as he pleases without much regard for others.

This time, it's a little different.

She sits just enough that she's able to scoop Clover up despite her cries, and gently lays the kitten across her chest, bringing the blankets up to slide over her to keep her warm. She quiets down a little but is still shaking even as Tifa wraps her arms around her. Her breathing starts to slow, and she lets her head down near her shoulder.]

Hey... [Her voice is gentle as she addresses Eustace.] You okay?

[Something's bothering him, and it wasn't that he couldn't sleep.]

...Hm?

[He had been lost in thought for a moment as he watched Tifa take care of Clover and try to soothe her, so it takes him a moment and blankly staring at her before her question finally processes. Closing his eyes, he runs a hand over his face, fingertips pressing over his brows before going through his hair to roughly brush it back before his long bangs fall back forward to cover his right side.]

...It's nothing, just more tired than I thought.

[Is it a little presumptuous of her to think that isn't the case? Even Clover's tiny mewl has a doubtful ring to it, and she lifts her head to stare at him alongside Tifa, whose brows furrow together with concern while she watches him. The blank staring, the beats of silence before he finally answered...

It's very much not like him—he's always so aware and alert, even when tired, and that worries her.]

Doesn't look like nothing, but... alright. [She dips her chin to Clover's head and closes her eyes against the kitten's head.] I can listen though, if something's bugging you.

[ ...

Talk to her. Please.]

[...

He glances at Tifa and he can feel the gazes from both of them. And for some reason, seeing her look...dejected? Makes him feel strangely guilty. It's not as if she's pushing him, and she would likely understand if he didn't say anything.

...Yet would it be better if he did talk about it? He's kept it to himself for so long...

And yet...

...]

...It's not something worth hearing. Rather... It's not something pleasant. [A small sigh as he closes his eyes.] I just understand what she's going through, that's all.

[He opens up a little, and she lets her gaze fall to Clover's ears when they twitch as she relaxes again, but even in the dark, she can catch that smile of his. She only has the smallest fragments of what happened to him long ago, and while she can piece some of them together, she can't assume the entire story. So, when he says that he can relate to Clover...

A strange, burning feeling rises in her chest.

An orphan who lost her home, her family... She hasn't realized it up until now, but there are three kindred spirits laying in this bed right now.]

It's not worth nothing.

[Her voice is gently prodding but understanding. Tifa isn't ready to share her story yet, so she would understand why he wouldn't if he didn't feel like talking, but saying that it isn't worth hearing is an outright lie.]

Maybe it'll help.

[Both him and Clover... Maybe if Clover knows she isn't alone in her struggles, she'll feel a little more at ease.]

[His eyes briefly open to look at the small kitten huddled in Tifa's arms. His guard is clearly up, not really wanting to talk about it. No matter how "comfortable" or "ready" he might be to, it's just not a pleasant topic. But seeing Clover's face, a soft mew escaping her that reaches his ears...

...

There are several long seconds before he finally heaves a large sigh and stares out the window.]

...I lost my entire family and village in one single moment. I was out in the forest looking for the wolf pup I took care of when I saw the flash of light. That light was so bright and searing, it's what caused the damage to my right eye. When I managed to get back to my home...everything was alight in flames, completely destroyed. My own home was gone, as if it never existed. Everyone else...

[...He just briefly closes his eyes, the truth too horrific to describe so he just leaves it at that.]

I was the only survivor and I was found by the one who would later become my superior and pseudo guardian. Even though I was only nine, it wasn't unusual for the organization I work for to recruit orphans who lost their families and homes due to similar tragedies. But as you can imagine...while they weren't heartless and provided what we needed, it wasn't exactly a place to "coddle" children intended to be soldiers.

[There's a tiny breath that escapes her, a cross between a sigh and a laugh, although she didn't mean for it to be. There's nothing funny about this, but it is remarkable how similar they all are. How Clover, so small and young, had lost everything in a flash, and had been found and taken in by a new guardian. How Tifa had watched her home burn and was taken away by hers to where she would have to build a new life. Her and Eustace both having gone through those struggles, now being the ones to help Clover...

It's almost like it was written in the stars, somehow.

She should be happy that Clover was able to find a safe home, unlike this organization or Midgar, and she is... but it only makes her feel heavier with heartache, and she clings onto Clover a little tighter. She's listening to them, Tifa can tell, by the way her ears turn in Eustace's direction.]

I'm sorry.

[It's all Tifa can say to that, because what else is there to say? Nothing anyone says will reverse what happened to any of them, and so all she can do is be there to help him shoulder some of that grief.

But things are starting to make sense now. His eye. Why he is the way that he is. The hardened soldier who had to grow up so much faster than he should have...]

They didn't treat you bad, did they...?

[That breath doesn't escape him and he looks at her briefly wondering a bit. But he otherwise expected her reaction.]

Not particularly.

[A small pause.]

To be honest... I don't really remember much of that time—it all became a blur after I learned why it happened and I started training to avenge them.

[Although the irony of the truth... Ha. A bitter expression crosses his face but he just reaches over to lightly brush his fingertip against the top of Clover's head.]

After losing everyone, I decided to close myself off. Or maybe it was an unconscious decision to protect myself. [From the brutal pain of losing a loved one again. Especially because of the risks the Society members took on their missions and the number of casualties that were guaranteed to occur, making friends and close relationships there was difficult. For a young boy whose heart had been shattered... Impossible.] However, I do remember the pain and confusion, the guilt of being the only one who survived and the nightmares that haunted me.

But that's why... I want her to be surrounded by affection and support instead. So she can grow up with better memories and take care of herself.

[For a brief moment there's a somber, wistful look on his eyes. Enough years have passed where the stinging pain and sorrow have become dull enough that he can think and speak without too much heartache, at least enough that it doesn't show readily. It helps that he finally managed to get true peace over it.

But even if he doesn't say it, it should be obvious: although he closed himself off, he had still been a small, young child completely lost among strangers. He's never said it, but he's grateful to Ronan and everything he did in taking him under his wing and training him. However, although the older Erune had looked after him as best he could, he wasn't a parent. And before Eustace joined the ranks and decided to train he would have been like any other child: wishing to have his friends and family again, to have that comfort and warmth even if it was just to one last time say goodbye.]

[This is all hitting way too close to home. The pain it takes to make someone close themselves off to the world is something she knows well, and it's not something that Tifa would wish on her worst enemy, let alone a friend. She gets it. She knows why he would do such a thing—that fear of losing or hurting people will always be there, no matter how far people distance themselves from something like that. That's just how humans work.

They can run but can never hide.

Tifa's hand reaches out to rest over his. It's a small, fleeting gesture, but one that comes from a place of compassion and support. Understanding. The fact that he's talking about it at all is a good step in the right direction, isn't it?

She has so many more questions but doesn't want to tread too far into it if he'd rather not, so she eyes him through the dark a little while longer before she asks.]

... Why'd they do it?

[Why would anyone go out of their way to destroy an entire village? Even now, she still can't wrap her head around why Sephiroth did, so why?]

[He glances at her hand over his, the small corner of his lips tugging upwards slightly as he feel that warmth and attempt for comfort. He knows this isn't a pleasant topic, but there is some truth that speaking about it does help a bit. He may have "moved on," but with all the new revelations and finally opening up to others still a new thing for him, it's only this way can he really move on and not keep it all bottled up to himself.

But at her question... His body immediately stiffens, his eyes darkening along with his expression. Just remembering it brings a flash of anger and hatred, but he's fortunately able to keep it like that: a flash. However the heat still remains, simmering his gaze as he slowly answers.]

......An experiment.

[In contrast the words he manages to spit out are ice chilling cold, so sharp it could cut through the thickest block. She'll be able to feel how his hands ball into tight fists, nails digging into his palms as he remembers the moment Heisenberg revealed the truth.

In that same low voice he explains further.]

For the longest time... I believed some group had destroyed my home to incite violence for their delusional cause. That's what I had been told, what had been believed by most. The organization I work for... Its purpose is to fight against this group and other primal beasts in an effort to help protect innocent lives so they can live peacefully. We're more of a secretive organization compared to other enforcers, focusing on more complex missions they don't deal with.

[A secret ops or elite task force in a way.]

However... It turns out we were working alongside our enemy from the start. [He glances at her for a moment.] ...The Society's history is complicated, but to put simply at one point it had a complicated mission with differing views on how to achieve it. One become predominant while the other pretended to follow along while secretly working in the shadows to achieve their own goals.

This faction worked to develop destructive weapons in the name of peace, their logic under the belief that only by forcing people to experience hardships to strengthen themselves will they be able to deal with an even more powerful enemy. And it's this group...that developed the weapon and detonated in my village as a test, calling it a "noble sacrifice."

[Eustace had managed to keep his voice steady until he reached the end, the anger and pain seeping out despite his attempts to remain calm, teeth gritting on the last few words.

No matter how many times he thought it over, no matter how much time passed, he would never get over the ludicrous, senseless reason for the loss of his family and home.]

Edited 2021-11-03 17:24 (UTC)

[She can feel his fingers tightening under hers, and that only makes her grip stronger. There's that brief urge to lace hers through his, to slide her hand into his palm and stop it from going any further, but she keeps still, removing it when Clover lifts her head to look at them both so that she can give a scratch behind the ears while she listens. It's more than just the words, but the inflection of his voice and the heaviness in it too, that helps to paint that dreadful picture of his childhood.

It isn't until she hears that change in his voice that she finally does act on that initial impulse. It may not bring much comfort, but at least he'll know that she's there with him when she slides her fingers through his. It's only for a moment, and she'll retreat not long after, but she gives his hand a light squeeze before she does.]

There's no such thing as a noble sacrifice.

[Not when all it is is killing people. There's always another way.

There's a weight to her words now, the gravity of it pressing down on her.

No wonder he had been so adamant about making sure that Clover would be comfortable. This... what he's doing now is noble, and she'd been silly to be embarrassed about it earlier. Being here with this animal who'd lost everything to see to it that she makes it through the night, everything else be damned, is what Tifa would call noble.]

You better get back at them... for what they did.

[The moment he feels her fingers against his and the warmth from that small squeeze, most of the bitterness that had started to grow dissipates. He actually feels it would have been better if she hadn't let go, but he keeps that thought to himself, instead looking at her with a small, bitter smile.]

I already have.

[He then heaves a heavy sigh as he tilts his head back, recounting everything that lead up to dealing with the threats from the moon to finally confronting Heisenberg.]

Before coming to this world, in fact. I learned of everything and resolved it right before entering, so it's still only been a few months since it happened.

Edited 2021-11-03 20:08 (UTC)

[Fresh wounds and memories...

She's glad, at least, that he doesn't have to live with that kind of burden here, where he's helpless to do anything about it. If he was able to confront those people, then she hopes that he isn't still living with that thirst for vengeance every day he spends here.

It isn't easy living when some part of them still remains back home, in the past, while they're stuck in another world waiting for the time to come when they can finally get back to business.

Tifa mirrors his movements, her own head leaning back against the bedframe with a quiet, affirming hum, and she can feel Clover's steady breathing on her chest again. She's fallen back to sleep...]

You didn't have to tell me all this, you know.

[She wasn't expecting him to share so much with her, but...]

I'm glad you did.

[There's just a small, low hum in response as he stares up at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes. He knew he would talk about this one day. ...He just never thought it would be Tifa and not Gran or someone else in his group. Is it because of the timing? That it just happened to work this way? ...Or does he actually feel comfortable enough with her to allow her further into those guarded walls?

...

Eustace glances at her for a moment before he slides his head down so that it flops onto her shoulder.]

Now take responsibility for it.

Huh...?

[The unexpected weight of his head on her shoulder stuns her into a frozen silence, and Clover stirs, peeking her sleepy eyes to look at him, his face not far from hers.]

Don't know how I'm supposed to do that.

[Tifa doesn't mind, of course, her body too sleepy to protest, so with a breathy laugh, she lets her chin dip and her eyes close. Idly, and almost completely absentmindedly, the free hand that she has reaches up across him to touch one of his ears, gently running her fingers over it before it falls onto his lap, her muscles already starting to grow tired and relaxed from the combined warmth of Eustace and Clover.]

[He could have flopped it onto her lap— But no, the moment her fingertips touch his ears, he lets out a small sigh and starts to relax a little. Before he had fallen asleep out of pure exhaustion, and while some of that still remains, now he just feels...a little lighter in his heart. Comfortable.

...Peaceful.

So he doesn't answer at first and just remains as he is for several moments before he finally murmurs in a very quiet voice—]

...Thanks.

[Although his hand doesn't take hers, it's near where her hand had fallen in his lap and he just lightly taps her hand with his fingertips, a small gesture of appreciation.]

[She feels it, that light tapping, and she knows what it means. And it's that small gesture that allows her to relax further, falling into the bed with the cat still curled on her chest. She can finally feel the sleep taking over her, even if images of that small Eustace in the mirror flash on the insides of her eyelids, a small figure in the dark, lost and afraid, but she can sleep well knowing that right now, he has nothing to fear. None of them do.

Even as she shuffles a little further away, giving them both the space she thinks they need, before she finally gives in.

It feels like only minutes have gone by before the sun is peering in through the windows of her room, casting her vision in its red light before she blinks her eyes open. It's uncharacteristically warm, and her fingers graze against smooth, relaxed muscles, and it smells a lot like vanilla and lavender...

Sleepy eyes look around as everything comes into clearer view, and it takes her a moment to realize where her head is. Taking up her vision is a head of thick, white hair messily brushed back, and in her peripherals, she can see the steady rise and fall of his chest. His arm is around her, cradling her head and stretched across the length of the bed, their legs tangled up with one another's among the sheets with Clover still asleep at the end of them.

It takes a little longer for it to fully register, but much to her own surprise, she doesn't feel the need to yelp and shoot up or shove him away. Her body stiffens, and she doesn't move as she holds onto her breath. Perhaps she doesn't want to disturb the harmony, or maybe... it's something else.

Maybe there's something about how peaceful he looks sleeping like this, or the way the sun casts its light on his face. Or how his hair, being brushed aside, reveals the eye he keeps hidden beneath it and it feels like his entire soul is bare for her to see. It's like time has frozen for them and them alone, and tampering it would mean shattering whatever reality this has turned into...

For a moment, Tifa feels... happy... content. At ease. And still, she can't quite put her finger on why, or where that flutter in her chest comes from...

Of course, all of that is broken when Clover stirs at the foot of the bed and she breaks into a wide, long yawn that's accompanied by a mewl, before she's blinking her yellow eyes at Tifa.

...

....

They stare at each other for a long while, and she can see it coming. Don't you dare, Clover. Don't do it.

MEEEOOOOW.

"Wake up! Where's breakfast?"

Tifa freezes again, waiting to see if that will be what wakes Eustace... Please, Shiva, please no. Not like this...]

[That night for the first time in a long while, Eustace had a peaceful, dreamless sleep. Whether he felt some sense of comfort and security being next to Tifa, a relief from sharing his story, the full weight of exhaustion, or a combination of all of the above, for once he barely stirs as the two gradually shift and adjust throughout the night to end up in the position they're in.

Granted, Eustace is actually used to sleeping with someone by now—or rather, sleeping with Eria. Whether his body realized the difference or not, feeling Tifa's long hair, warmth, and smaller frame made it automatically move so that he hugged her, his arm going over Tifa not that different from what's become usual.

And he's still sleepy, uncharacteristically groggy as his ear flicks slightly at first from Clover's loud cry, his brows scrunching in mild annoyance. He just grumbles under his breath before his arm tightens over Tifa, pulling her closer as his face nuzzles against hers, as if trying to bury it in what he would have initially to assumed to be Eria's fur.

Give him like. Another few seconds.]

[There's a small, surprised gasp when she's pulled into him, her face landing right near his, near enough that she gets a head full of his scent mingling with hers, that morning musk mixed with lavender. And then he's nuzzling her, his nose and lips coming dangerously close to brushing hers, and that's where Tifa draws the line. Her face now a flustered, red mess, she tries to gently shuffle away from him first so she doesn't disturb him, but when that doesn't work...]

Eustace...

[She tries to move his arm instead, but it's still heavy from sleep, and somehow, it seems to only pull her tighter with each attempt she makes. The second time she calls for him, it's louder and firmer than the first.]

Eustace.

[And if he opens his eyes, it'll be to her hand pressed against his lips to protect herself from... whatever he thought he was doing...]

[Uggghh he had several long days and deserves to sleep in, who in the world is bothering him...

Wait, who in the world could bother him and why is there significantly less fur than he expects and a more slender, soft curve...

...

................!

Feeling Tifa's hand against his mouth and now realizing something is terribly wrong, his eyes shoot wide open and stare at her for a very long second before there's a slight flush to his cheeks and he jerks his arm up off her, quickly pulling back as if he had touched hot iron.]

Sorry, I didn't realize—!?

[In his haste to separate he accidentally pushes himself too far back and ends up falling off the other side of the bed.

Yeah this is a great start to the day.]

[What's worse than waking up on the wrong side of the bed? Falling off it.

She gasps out loud when she sees him disappear, taking some of the blanket with him while Clover clings on with her claws for dear life. Face still red, she crawls across to peer over and check on him.

... ]

I-It's fine. You didn't know.

[That much is clear just from his reaction, but... now that he's gone, Tifa feels... cold. Like the sun has vanished from the room, and she misses the warmth that he gave her. The peace was so palpable in the room that it could have lulled her back to sleep right then and there if it weren't for Clover's whining.

She'd help him up if she remembered to, but in all of their clumsiness and chaos, as well as that onslaught of thoughts ambushing her, she completely forgets to offer him any and departs on the other side of the bed, leaving him on the floor.]

I should... go fix up some breakfast for her. Do you want anything...?

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