isleofavalon | September Catch-All

[ That made a little more sense. Basically, he had been put with a bunch of prodigies. Yeah, that'd do a number on anyone's self-esteem. But... Why would he have been put together with them, unless he was himself judged to be pretty good? Sure, not on their level but still better than most. ]

If you participate in the Olympics and get last place, you're still better than 99.9% of the world in your particular field. [A fact most competitors, unfortunately, tended to forget when they lost.] Like, just by virtue of being picked to participate, you've already won. [She sighed.] Well, I know it's not that easy... I would have a pretty severe inferiority complex, ahaha.

[ His example actually hit home in more ways than one. Except in her case literature hadn't been the issue, but love. Every other girls had been designed to be a love interest whilst she'd been designed to be a side-character. Being forced to live in the shadow of others... That sucked. ]

She raised her eyebrows at the revelation regarding his magic though. ]

Only one? That's... Odd. [Maybe he just didn't know what his secondary type was? Technomancy for example was pretty counter-intuitive, you had to speak up and all. If not for her particular predicament, she may never have discovered it.] I think it's worth a try. I can't say for sure, but to me it looks like you'd be given your secondary type.

I'm thinking about it. I just really don't wanna screw myself over by accident, and knowing my luck, I would. I can't afford to lose the one magic I've got after the months I've spent training it up into second nature for me.

[By this time in his tenure here in Camelot, the sting has gone out of the situation. It's still annoying, and Kadoc would love for the situation to change, but he's not nearly as mopey about it as he was when he first realized he just wasn't having any luck uncovering a second magic type, no matter how many things he experimented with doing. So, by his own standards at least, he's relatively upbeat about the topic. He can even take some pride in how hard he's worked at his Light magic by now! It's not nearly as depressing a topic.

He does still feel bad he keeps talking about himself, though. It's not like he's disinterested in where she's coming from . . . once in a while, she drops a hint that really gets him curious.]

Anyway, I'm curious about why you're so sure I'd hate where you came from. Is your world that bad? I've just been assuming it was a pretty typical modern-day place, by my own standards of modern. So around 2020.

Yeah, that's not an easy decision to make...

[ Logic dictated he would be given his secondary magic if he ate the flower. But logic hardly applied in this world, huh? Perhaps if they could ask Merlin or someone who knows really well how magic works in Avalon, there'd be a way to minimize the risks. But she could also relate to the fear of losing the magic type he'd put so much effort into mastering... That'd be like starting from scratch with no insurances his new magic would be any good.

He really wasn't given a break no matter the world, huh? But he didn't seem so down about it... And of course, the topic circled back to her. To be more specific, her world. ]

2017. [That proved she was from Earth if she used the gregorian calendar, but... She looked highly uncomfortable at him going back to that topic.] On the surface, it's a really normal world. But one day, I had an epiphany. I realized... My reality was empty. [She looked down and into her glass.] Can you imagine, if suddenly you became aware you are the only real human being here? If you could predict my words the way you would for a NPC's lines in a video game? If nothing existed beyond the confines of this bar and a few other buildings?

[Oh . . . whoa. Wait a moment here. Kadoc goes from listening while sipping his beer to setting it down on the table so he can give her his full attention. A story like that can mean one of two things, and they're both terrible in very different ways.]

. . . You mean this literally? You were living in—what, a digital world? That's how it sounds.

[With the talk of NPCs, video games, the truncated nature of the world . . . had that really been her situation?

Or was this a metaphor? That's the other possibility, which would be more disturbing to deal with for him, but it's not like this one would be great for her. It really is a horrific thought.]

[ Guess mentioning NPCs and video games had given it away, huh. Normally she would have been more careful with her analogies... That thing she'd endured at Lestari had messed her up more than expected. ]

Yes. A video game. More accurately, a simulated reality. [Not that from the player side any of this simulated reality nonsense was obvious. It just looked like any other visual novel.] Technically I guess you could say I'm an AI... But I've always felt human. My body within the game was programmed to be made of flesh and blood, like here. I can't do any super calculations or whatnot. I have memories of childhood and stuff, even if they're fake.

[ She was, perhaps, sounding a bit defensive there as she enunciated how human she was. She didn't want him to suddenly think less of her for not being "real" or something like that. And she continued further: ]

Can you imagine if you found out Avalon was just a computer program? Suddenly, you become aware of every line of codes. You can't see me and the others as anything more than NPCs. You realize your memories are just after-thoughts your creator put in to flesh your character. After a certain point, everything resets and you're sent back to the start of the game. And most importantly, you are aware the real world exists somewhere beyond Avalon. [She paused and looked away.] That's what happened to me.

I—kept expecting that to be exactly what was gonna happen to me, for my first few months here.

[This spills out of him unbidden, as he's too shocked to do much but just tell her the answer to her question outright. He can imagine it, yes, but not in the sense that he can really know how it feels. Only in the sense that his paranoid brain had done exactly that more nights than not in the time since he'd arrived here: imagined it. Made up the scenario again and again, as an explanation for a thing he couldn't explain and couldn't bring himself to take at face value.

It's not the same. Kadoc shakes his head on a hard swallow. No, he can't understand, but it's clear enough how that had affected her. The idea that she might be less human for it doesn't occur to him; how could she be, with this utterly human reaction of horror to her circumstances?]

But it didn't. To me, it was just a crazy thing I came up with to explain all this. To you . . . I didn't realize. . . . So being here is your first time existing outside of all that.

Mhm. [She nodded.] Well, I did try escaping to the real world. I could mess with the code. I tried rewriting my reality and, um. It's a long story... But no blue fairy ever granted me my wish.

[ It was no fairy tale. Miracles didn't exist in the real world. Her creator was probably getting a kick out of it. He'd created her as someone who had strong romantic dreams and pretty high ideals, someone who believed miracles were possible. Only to wake up to a horrible reality she had never been able to do anything about. Worse, she'd become a monster. ]

It was horrible... I still have nightmares every nights. I thought I'd managed to get over it, but last month in Lestari...

[ She didn't say more, choking on those last words. If he knew of the video games that absorbed people, it was probably easy to imagine what had happened. She closed her eyes for a moment, then managed to force a smile. ]

Well anyway, if that's any comfort, I can promise you none of this is a simulation, ahaha! [If anyone in Avalon may have matched or even surpassed his paranoia that everything was a simulation, it was Monika. And she'd finally reached a conclusion after all these months.] I've been really attentive to all sorts of details that would give it away. If it was a simulation, I'd know it.

[Ah, it's not really much comfort at all, though. Not when he's still dwelling on everything she just said. This really did get heavy . . . Kadoc isn't the type to just brush something like that off with a joke, or to awkwardly move on with the conversation like it never happened, either. The problem is that he's not sure what type he is. Definitely not the type who says and does the right thing and comforts the other person effectively. That's always been Pepe. Who would ever go to Kadoc for something like that?

But it's not like he wants to suck. The expression on her face . . . he feels for her. Kadoc curls his hands around his glass, holding it close to himself on the table, protectively.]

Yeah. . . . I'm sorry. I'm grateful, but it's hard to react to. That's not your fault. I just know there's nothing I can do or say about something that serious to make you feel better, but I wish I could. I hate thinking that's what you've been dealing with all this time. It's not something you've gotta smile about, either.

. . . You're here now. Someone granted you your wish. . . . I'm glad.

I don't really want to smile about it... But it's not easy opening up and showing your vulnerabilities to others, you know? [The only reason she'd said so much was because he had insisted on her homeworld and she had slipped up trying to explain it vaguely. Though, she was happy it was him and not some random stranger.] I'm always afraid to be judged...

[ It was easier to give off the image of a sweet and confident young woman. The Monika who struggled with the trauma of her experience as a game character, who struggled with perfectionism and anxiety— She didn't feel too comfortable showing that side of her. ]

So, thank you~!
And hey, you're doing great. Knowing you care so much is enough to make me feel better. [She raised a finger.] My creator and the player, well... [One had made her that way on purpose, the other had deleted her after she'd opened up. That pained expression returned to her features, but only for a second.] Let's just say I wasn't granted that privilege back home, ahaha.

[ Who would care for a NPC in a video game, after all? Even if she'd been alive... That was the same mindset she'd ended up having towards her own friends. But unlike her who'd become that way out of despair, those people had just done it for the sake of pure entertainment. ]

. . . It's easy in this situation. You're right here in front of me. It obvious you're as real as I am. The truth is, I've got no idea how I would react if I were the "player" in your situation.

[He muses at his own beer glass, idly considering it. How easy would it be to believe it was really happening? How well could he subvert his own expectations and see her as a real person trapped in there? He doesn't know, but it feels wrong accepting the praise when he doesn't.]

I'd like to think I'd do the right thing, but it's not like I have the best track record of that.

. . . It doesn't matter, anyway. This is the situation we're in, not that one. So I'm glad you're here. That you get to do this kinda thing now.

[ It stung a bit, but she appreciated his honesty. And honestly, considering what she had done to her own friends when she had thought them to not be sentient and alive? She didn't really have any right to judge. She took a sip of her drink and smiled. ]

Thanks Kadoc. [She smiled and put the glass down.] I hope this place is a chance at life for m-

[ Before she can finish her sentence, someone enters into the place. They're dressed with a very movie-like costume... They kind of look like Zorro. They make a very grandiose declaration about how they plan to rid this place of evildoers and immediately pull a sword. Of course, most customers flee the moment he pulls a sword out and tries to attack them. They flee so fast in fact, there's only Monika and Kadoc left.

Guess who the masked villain is approaching then? ]

Um... I think it's the fanatic we spoke of earlier...

[ It wouldn't suck so bad if she had any actually useful combat magic... Well, she had an ace up her sleeve... But maybe Kadoc would handle the villain without her needing to use it. ]

. . . Shit.

[Oh damn. Kadoc scrambles to his feet, putting himself between the approaching . . . person . . . approaching B movie villain, to be honest. But this is all he can do: shield. Even his Light magic can only be used defensively. He's good at escaping from situations with it, but he usually has a little more warning than this to get into a better physical position that isn't being borne right down on by the enemy in a corner—and beyond that, all he can really do with it is put up a wall between them. And that's not going to get them out of here if this person is determined.

But he does it anyway. Whatever happens to him, he's compelled to protect Monika however he can.]

Can you run?! I'll distract them!

And leave you here? No way!

[ Look, she knows the trope. "I'll distract them while you flee" is a death penalty. At best, the character pulling that comes back during the story's climax or in the after-credit scene. Besides she wasn't a damsel in distress.

Gosh... She'd only used that spell once. And considering she was already a bit tired and hadn't fully recharged her magic since last time? The spell wouldn't last for more than a couple minutes. But... She had to do it. ]

I have a spell for emergencies... But I'll need you to carry me back to my room after, okay?

[ It was going to take everything out of her. Meanwhile their "enemy" is slashing at the shield of light, while making remarks that hiding will not save them. Yep, they're backed into a corner. ]

I—

[If he were going to protest—which he might have—it's shaken right out of him by a rattling blow to the shield he's holding up in front of them, enough to make him jump and almost break his concentration. If that were to happen and actually shake him enough, they might lose their protection entirely if Kadoc can't hold his magic. So that's that. He may not know what this spell is, and I'll need you to carry me back to my room sounds worrisome, but it is what it is; right now he's assuming it's some one-use potion from the Elphame Traders anyway. He's got a few of those to use in a pinch himself, but not this particular kind of pinch.

If she's got them covered, he has to trust her. Kadoc nods, gritting his teeth.]

—I've got you! Do it!

Here goes— [Whilst she had trained once, it was her first time using this spell in a dangerous situation and to attack someone. She could only hope it would go well.] Familiar Symbiosis!

[ A small and pink nine-tailed fox materialized right next to Monika as she said the words. Following this, a beam of light engulfed both her and the familiar, though should Kadoc have good eyes it would still be possible to see what was happening. The familiar had disappeared and Monika was floating above the ground. Her attire turned white, with pink motifs drawn all over it. Her skirt grew longer and her ribbon broke, hair flowing as if there was an air current all around her. And of course, she grew a pair of fox ears along with nine tails.

As the light faded, Monika landed back on the floor. Obviously, knock-off Batman was startled, which was perfect. That let her use a psychic attack on him. Normally, those were weak... But the power of said attack was increased tenfold during familiar symbiosis. So the psychic attack? Caused the villain to drop his sword and fall on his knees holding his head. He wasn't defeated per se, but that was a hell of a headache for a good twenty seconds. Enough for Kadoc or anyone to apprehend him while he recovers. ]

Oh jeez, this may have been overkill...

Mon— . . .

[Oh yeah, he watches all of that unfold in fascinated horror. Her too?! Kadoc's seen this once before, when Caster did it in her grand battle against what had felt like all of Camelot at the time; it had been a gruesome spectacle, a last resort. It had reminded Kadoc then of the Yaga in Russia, and he's never quite gotten over that uncanny, uncomfortable remembrance. But this is different, while undoubtedly being the same spell. He stands shocked, processing the entire sequence with a distant confusion.

He's almost stunned for long enough to be too long and render the whole thing pointless—but no, Kadoc snaps back to himself in time to pull down his Light shield and instead produce a Light rope, of sorts, to tie the man's hands behind his back and disarm him. This will do until the knights show up, and Kadoc can already hear them approaching down the road. Surely someone who'd fled the bar had flagged a group down.

He looks down at the man for another long moment, but then snaps up again, scrambling to his feet. That had been intense. She'd said she'd need him to carry her—]

Monika?! Are you okay?!

Yeah, I—

[ Alas! Before she could finish her sentence, the spell ended. A flash of light enveloped her once again and she went back to normal, both her appearance and her clothes. Why, her ribbon even reappeared and tied her hair back into a ponytail. Magic sure was super convenient at times. The nine-tailed familiar reappeared next to her and she fell on her knees, exhausted. ]

Ugh... Sorry, I tested this spell last week and still haven't fully recovered...

[ Dammit. Last time it had lasted an hour, this time not even five minutes. That was the kind of thing you could only use once a month before you could use it again at full might. Well, someone as powerful and experimented as Caster could probably pull it off a lot more often, but Monika was a beginner with this.

She'd noticed his look of horror though. Not knowing the real reason why, she forced a comforting smile. ]

D-Don't worry, I'll just be sleeping in till the afternoon tomorrow, ahaha...

[The knights burst in the door a moment later, and thank goodness; it means Kadoc can leave the man in their custody and withdraw his magic, so he can rush over to fret over Monika instead. She's . . . okay, right? Just tired? He kneels next to her, reaching out a hand, though in the end, he doesn't quite know what to do with that hand. It hovers there awkwardly nearby.]

You're just worn out, right? Not hurt? Damn . . . that really must take a lot out of you. No surprise. That's intense . . . you wanna head home, or rest here first?

[Damn, he has a healing potion on him, but not one that will have any effect when it comes to this. She just needs rest, not medical attention. But it's hard to not be able to do anything!]

Home...

[ Monika took his hand and used him to help herself up, though she would need to lean against him to be able to stand. God, that was pathetic. One big spell and she was out. Speak about being a "magical girl" or whatever silly fantasy she'd entertained. ]

Yeah, I'm fine... [She weakly smiled at him.] It's kinda like if I just cast a hundred spells at once...

[ Well, maybe not a hundred. But enough that she had whatsoever no energy left. She looked down and sighed, struggling not to close her eyes. ]

Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you with that spell...

[For this, he doesn't even think about his awkwardness at being touched; she needs the support, and feeling uncomfortable about it is the last thing on his mind. If anything, Kadoc has a moment of being annoyed with the magic situation in this world yet again. If he had access to his magecraft from home, he could literally scoop her up and carry her home—but without magic to augment his body strength, he's too weak to carry a person very far. All he can do is wrap an arm around her to steady her as they make their way to the door.]

. . . It's fine. I just . . . it's a long story, but the whole familiar fusion thing concerns me. As long as you're gonna be okay, it's not a big deal. And that wasn't as nasty as the last one I saw. Maybe I'll get used to it yet.

[It's just hard for him to imagine why anyone would take that risk—but logically, he knows he has a unique perspective on human/creature combo acts.]

We'll get you home, and you're gonna rest up. Just tell me anything you need, and I'll take care of it.

[ Thankfully, seeing how this was her second time experiencing the after-effect of the spell, she wasn't so helpless. She could at least walk, albeit with help. Last times, she had to be carried back to her room. At least, that was good experience. The day a real threat would surge, maybe she'd be able to help. ]

I just need lots of sleep, ahaha...!

[ Nasty, huh...? She could understand having concerns if one had seen it before and it had gone wrong, but admittedly she was curious. ]

Why does it concern you...? [She added on a teasing tone, not realizing the implications of what she was saying:] Afraid to get stuck with fox ears and a tail forever?

[Ha. Despite the situation, his lips do quirk up in amusement at that; he doesn't laugh outright, but he does huff with some humor in it.]

I mean, last month, it was a wolf ears and tail, and I'd definitely rather not go through that again. It was a huge pain in the ass, semi-literally.

[Having to deal with having a tail and needing to wear pants . . . ]

But that's not it. It's a long story. . . . Long enough that I'm not gonna have time to tell you all of it on the way home, but I can at least tell you the relevant part if you're interested.

[ She giggled at that. ]

I can understand the tail... [She was fortunate the symbiosis spell took care of modifying whatever clothes she was wearing upon casting it. Having to make holes in every single of her skirts and dresses would be incredibly sad. And then actually getting the tail through the hole... She didn't even want to imagine how painful it had to be with pants.] But I think you'd totally rock those ears, ahaha~

[ A shame she hadn't seen him when it had happened. Regardless, she nodded. She was curious as to what kind of thing could have caused him to be wary of the symbiosis spell so much. ]

I am. I love long stories. [A pause as she took her breath. With her snail pace, they wouldn't be there anytime soon.] But don't force yourself if it brings back bad memories, alright?

. . . I'll tell you the whole thing someday.

[He has to. He feels a responsibility to this that comes up every time he begins to spend a little more time with someone who isn't from Chaldea: it feels wrong to allow anyone to get close to him without knowing what exactly they're opting in to. Yeah, he hates talking about it, for a lot of reasons. But that just feels like all the more reason he should. If he hates telling people so much, isn't that just a selfish cop-out for something he knows they have every right to be upset about?

But tonight isn't the night. As self-defeating and masochistic as Kadoc is, he's also practical, and . . . if Monika were to totally reject him for his past, it probably shouldn't be while she's relying on him to get home. It can wait until the situation is a little more safe. Just a little while.

This part is fine, though. It's not really about him. It's about Russia, and it's not a bad length to fill the amount of time they're going to be walking. So Kadoc shifts his weight, helping to support her as comfortably for them both as he can, and begins:]

Anyway. It's a story about alternative timelines. You're from modern day Earth, right? So am I. We're probably not from the same version of Earth, but there are enough similarities that it'd be recognizable to either of us. If I told you I was born in Poland, you probably know roughly where that is. If you tell me your favorite poem is by Faiz Ahmed Faiz, I know who that is, too. "I have dipped my fingers in the blood of my heart." . . . We have enough in common to recognize one another, but we still come from alternate Earths. Makes sense so far, right?

September Catch-All

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