isleofavalon | September Catch-All

It takes a bit of getting used to, huh? So, what's your familiar like, anyway?

[She peered out the kitchen whilst the coffee was boiling, eyeing the notebook. Mukuro couldn't see the picture from a distance, but she wondered if it had something to do with why she contacted her so suddenly.]

Mine's a Hellhound called Fenrir. She finds it a bit cramped inside or around about the city, but she's always helping me out on quests and stuff.

A hellhound? Oh gosh... I would probably be terrified, but she sounds like a great familiar actually.

[ Kinda like big dogs. They're so scary looking, when in fact they're the more adorable of all dogs. Monika moved by the kitchen, but didn't enter. ]

Do you need a hand with that? [She always felt bad whenever she went to see someone and she let them do all the work. Still, her familiar huh...] My familiar is a super grump. A pink nine-tailed fox called... Fox. [She marked a pause and sighed. That sounded like a bad joke but that was her reality.] He's very rude but he helps me a lot, too.

Haha, you get used to her. It's like having a big guard dog.

[Click! That's the kettle- Mukuro'll start pouring out the drinks.]

I'm okay, don't worry- and Fox sounds totally cute, all the same.

...So, what did you wanna ask me about, anyway?

Yeah... I started out really disliking him but he's growing on me.

[ He was such a pain.... Regardless, she beamed as Mukuro poured the drinks. ]

Thank you! [Oh right, the costume!] Ah, um, what do you think about that?

[ She handed over her notebook to Mukuro, open on the page with the (pretty terrible) drawing of the magical girl costume. ]

Huh?

[Mukuro handed Monika her mug, as she took the notebook to take a closer look. Sure, it certainly wasn't the best in terms of artwork, but the idea was there!]

Oh wow, that's totally cute- I love the bows, and that staff!

Ehehe. I have Darin working on the staff.

[ Well, the one Darin was working on was pen-shaped, she'd not put much effort in the staff on that drawing. But that brought her to the reason of her presence here: ]

And I was wondering if you could make the costume for me? Can't think of anyone better than the ultimate fashionista for that job! [She raised a finger.] Of course, I'll pay you whatever you need to.

[ She couldn't imagine the services would come cheap, but she was prepared to pay! Working as an influencer made her decent money. ]

That's good- he's a really good friend and his work is amazing, he'll definitely make you something super impressive.

[And then they got to the meat of the issue: The outfit.

Her? Make something like this? Sure she'd made a plushie for Hijikata before but this was something else... this required actual skill! Mukuro's eyes went wide, before she quickly tried to swallow back the impending sense of dread]

...Y-yeah, seriously, that's no problem at all! Like you say, I can totally pull something like this off!

But, uh, don't worry about paying until I've got something together. I won't know what kinda price we'd be looking before I'd costed up the materials and stuff, you know? Oh- gonna need to take a couple of measurements too, if you don't mind.

Mhm, of that I have no doubts!

[ She wasn't as close to Darin as Mukuro was, but she knew he was pretty reliable and he'd been super helpful ever since day one. Monika tilted her head at the reaction to her request. Something was off. Again. She'd been able to tell before there was something Mukuro was hiding, but she wasn't entirely sure what. And considering she was hiding some pretty big secrets too, it wasn't her place to ask.

Everyone had their own sufferings stored in their past. Still... ]

That's fine! [She nodded at the mention of the measurements, but then spoke with a gentle tone.] If you can't do it, don't worry it's fine. You've got to be super busy, ahaha.

I can totally do it...! Seriously, this kind of stuff is totally up my alley, you know?

[She got up quickly, going to grab a tape measure and notebook.

At least she had some idea what to do from when Klaudia measured her... if she could just remember the steps she took, then that would work perfectly!]

[ Why didn't this convince her at all...? She looked as she went to grab the tape measure and the notebook. Hm, this seemed right but everything else seemed off. She took a deep breath. ]

I'm sorry... After our conversations last time, I should have realized.

[ She was afraid no one could see the real her, she was forcing herself to be someone else... Yes, that was obvious. She took a soft tone. ]

The ultimate fashionista— That's who you're expected to be, but not who you are, correct?

[Right, let's see, what measurements did she-]

Huh?

[And then, her thoughts shattered at Monika's question. Mukuro froze for just a moment. She...she desperately wanted to answer her honestly. To admit that this was all a sham and that she wasn't this dolled up fashionista at all, not really.

...But she couldn't just disappoint Junko. However much this 'act' felt more and more like a cage she was trapped in.]

Wha-what are you talking about? Haha- I mean, I know I don't look the part but that's just- we use Photoshop and crap when our modelling photos are taken, you know? That's all- that's why-

[And she repeated all those same, terrible excuses- trying to hide the nervousness in her expression.]

...Seriously, have a little faith in me, 'kay?

[But there the energy was ebbing out of her voice with every word.]

[ It was ironic that she spoke of not looking the part. If anything, that was the one thing she got right. It was everything else that was wrong. And seeing her reaction... She would never dare speak of it, would she? Monika paused and smiled faintly. ]

When I found you in the hall of mirrors, your reflection was speaking about your sister. How the real you would always be buried beneath a facade. I told you to try and express yourself through poetry. [A pause.] There was a certain... Militaristic quality to your poem. I believe it was more you than anything else I'd seen so far, but I couldn't say in what ways...

Anyway, two weeks later someone anonymously asked a question on the network. A question about loyalty, posted by a soldier. One who had been betrayed by their "commander," an unknown woman. [A longer pause and she looked at her straight in the eyes.] I believe that soldier was you.

[ There were many more little details that had led to that conclusion. Her reaction to a weapon. The way her heart hadn't been in August's show. Little details that piled up and led to an unavoidable truth. Well, most people would be fooled. Monika was just... Good with tropes. That and her own paranoia that everything might be a game? She was paying attention to details more than others. And even then, it had taken three months to reach that conclusion. ]

You know, I could probably prove it. I'm a technomancer and got a lot of experience hacking. [She closed her eyes.] But I won't.

[ She didn't want to corner her or force her into speaking. But she wanted to leave a door open for the truth to emerge. ]

I just... Don't want you to force yourself doing this fashion stuff for me, okay? [She picked back the notebook in which was the drawing of her magical girl costume.] I'm sorry... I should have come to that realization before coming here.

[Mukuro could only stare at her as she calmly dismantled everything- every little slip-up she'd made since they met. In hindsight, she knew the poem she'd written had been far too revealing...and that had left enough of an opening for fatal blow after fatal blow to come into her act. She'd let her guard down, again.

Monika looked into her eyes then, and she could barely hold her gaze a second before glancing away. Focusing on the notebook until it was picked up once again.

...It was only at that point that it occurred to Mukuro that she really didn't want to disappoint Monika, either. But it was a little late for that, wasn't it? Monika had come over to ask for her help, trusting in the talent she'd pretended to have, all this time. Not only had she failed in that regard, she'd completely failed in convincingly keeping her act up.

Mukuro could practically hear her sister's voice now, berating her. In the end, being a disappointment was all she could manage.]

Um...I-...It's- it's not like that- like, seriously...

[And then, what little energy she had left just suddenly dropped out her voice. She continued to stare at the floor- but her expression shifted then. Turning to that of a dour, severe young woman; one who couldn't quite keep the lack of confidence or frustration with herself from bleeding into her features.

Her lips twitched, tensing a brief moment before she managed to force out a single word: ]

...Affirmative.

[ So she had been correct. And Mukuro was absolutely right. Without the poem, Monika would never have reached that conclusion. ]

I'd told you... Poems are the key to your own heart. [Monika couldn't help but smile, albeit sadly so.] Things you subconsciously wish the world knew always resurface through them.

[ Monika's voice was soft as she spoke. She wondered, did anyone else know? They'd talked about Darin earlier and Mukuro had mentioned him being trustworthy... She could only hope a few people knew the truth, at the very least. Having to hide your own identity, struggling with loyalty towards the one who caused your own death... Those were terrible burdens. ]

Do you... Do you want to talk about it?

[ She wasn't going to force her. If she didn't want, she'd leave here and now. She wouldn't be happy about it, but that was better than forcing her presence. ]

Yeah...I guess I couldn't act and write at the same time.

[A small, defeated sigh, but Monika's little smile did have a warmth to it- that eased her feelings a little.

Did she want to talk about it? Words weren't ever her strong suit, and she didn't really know where to start. Her voice was cooler now, with none of that forced enthusiasm she showed during her act, and she continued to fumble with her words- it wasn't out of any harsh feelings toward Monika, of course. That awkward, quiet girl was the real her.]

I guess...if you want to ask anything, go ahead. About me. Or, any of this.

Um. Mukuro Ikusaba. I had the title of Ultimate Soldier at Hope's Peak, and- I'm working at the Forge on their firearms jobs-

[She swallowed back the lump in her throat as she finally forced herself to meet Monika's eyes again. It was all she could do to fight to keep her confidence afloat.]

...I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't want to disappoint you, too.

[ The ultimate soldier, huh...? She didn't know what those "ultimate" titles were all about, but there was something very wrong with them. And right now? She looked far too fragile to even fit the mold as a soldier. ]

Huh? No, you didn't disappoint me at all...!

[ It was the last thing she wanted her to believe. That commander of her had obviously been exploiting her loyalty. That much she had established with the anon post. Apologizing a lot was generally a sign that you lacked confidence. That you wanted to please people because of a void in your own life. Speak about familiar. ]

If anything, I'm happy to finally see the real you. [She smiled sweetly.] I'm used to wearing a mask too, you know. Well, mine isn't nearly as intricate as yours, ahaha! [A pause.] But I'm not always as confident as I look. In fact, I'm really a total pushover.

[ Ask her anything, huh... What she wanted to ask most was why she was forced to bury her own identity under that of another. "Junko..." If Monika had to guess, that identity was either that of her sister or her commander. Perhaps even both at once. So rather than ask her a question, she would imply it: ]

Mukuro is a pretty name, you should use it more often.

Pretty- no, I'm-

Um...Thank you.

[That made her cheeks flush.

But right now, she managed a small smile of her own. What was the real Monika like? She didn't know if she'd be smart enough to figure it out on her own, but she hoped she'd be able to tell her.

And to that end...]

...Hey, I've- I've got your back. If you need me. I'll protect you.

[ Judging by the reaction, very few people knew. And even then she probably didn't assume her real identity all too often. Monika's masks were still Monika. Different facets of her, all of which were more or less accurate to her real self. Some came naturally, others were what she hoped to become.

But being forced to deny your identity, be someone else altogether? That sounded horrible. Monika wouldn't be able to do that, it would be unbearable if she had to hide her own name. ]

Thank you, Mukuro.

[ She had so many questions... And suggestions. But if she came off too strongly, that would be bad. ]

I won't press you for questions— But don't hesitate to be the real you around me, alright?

September Catch-All

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I wanna reply to her network post but I feel it'll depend a lot how this talk goes lol

yup, here's hoping it won't go awfully!

indeed! Hope you don't mind me tagging into that late

nah, it's fine

Wonderful :)

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tw abuse implications

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