isleofavalon | September Catch-All

I'm thinking about it. I just really don't wanna screw myself over by accident, and knowing my luck, I would. I can't afford to lose the one magic I've got after the months I've spent training it up into second nature for me.

[By this time in his tenure here in Camelot, the sting has gone out of the situation. It's still annoying, and Kadoc would love for the situation to change, but he's not nearly as mopey about it as he was when he first realized he just wasn't having any luck uncovering a second magic type, no matter how many things he experimented with doing. So, by his own standards at least, he's relatively upbeat about the topic. He can even take some pride in how hard he's worked at his Light magic by now! It's not nearly as depressing a topic.

He does still feel bad he keeps talking about himself, though. It's not like he's disinterested in where she's coming from . . . once in a while, she drops a hint that really gets him curious.]

Anyway, I'm curious about why you're so sure I'd hate where you came from. Is your world that bad? I've just been assuming it was a pretty typical modern-day place, by my own standards of modern. So around 2020.

Monika, believe me...I'm the last person who can judge anything anyone does. I actually agree with you.

The worst of situations can easily turn us into our worst nightmares. That doesn't mean we're bad people.

So, you don't ever have to worry about that here. Forge Ahead is a safe space.

But even then, you don't ever have to talk about that time in your life if you don't want to. Only good thoughts here, okay?

[ Let yourself go, huh... Once again, she was right. If you just let the pressure build, build and build... You were setting yourself up for a monumental explosion. You need to let things out every now and then. Though in her case, it started feeling like things were building faster than she could let them go.

It was scary... She knew what happened when she fell to the lowest of lows. She didn't want that side of her to resurface. ]

Hopefully next time I'll use a hammer rather than my bare hands.

[ She smiled as she said that and looked at Ritsuka. ]

Thank you. [She paused and closed her eyes.] I mean it. Most people who see this would just walk by, you know?

Yeah, that's not an easy decision to make...

[ Logic dictated he would be given his secondary magic if he ate the flower. But logic hardly applied in this world, huh? Perhaps if they could ask Merlin or someone who knows really well how magic works in Avalon, there'd be a way to minimize the risks. But she could also relate to the fear of losing the magic type he'd put so much effort into mastering... That'd be like starting from scratch with no insurances his new magic would be any good.

He really wasn't given a break no matter the world, huh? But he didn't seem so down about it... And of course, the topic circled back to her. To be more specific, her world. ]

2017. [That proved she was from Earth if she used the gregorian calendar, but... She looked highly uncomfortable at him going back to that topic.] On the surface, it's a really normal world. But one day, I had an epiphany. I realized... My reality was empty. [She looked down and into her glass.] Can you imagine, if suddenly you became aware you are the only real human being here? If you could predict my words the way you would for a NPC's lines in a video game? If nothing existed beyond the confines of this bar and a few other buildings?

I think I wouldn't mind telling you... Just not today.

[ Not this month would be more accurate, truth to be told. ]

This month has been really... Heavy, to say the least, ahaha. [That was the understatement of the century.] I need to put myself together before I can speak of that stuff without crumbling down. [Because even if it didn't look it, she was on the verge of a total breakdown. Regardless, she smiled at him.] But thank you. You're very kind and I'll be sure to remember your offer.

Haha, you get used to her. It's like having a big guard dog.

[Click! That's the kettle- Mukuro'll start pouring out the drinks.]

I'm okay, don't worry- and Fox sounds totally cute, all the same.

...So, what did you wanna ask me about, anyway?

Yeah... I started out really disliking him but he's growing on me.

[ He was such a pain.... Regardless, she beamed as Mukuro poured the drinks. ]

Thank you! [Oh right, the costume!] Ah, um, what do you think about that?

[ She handed over her notebook to Mukuro, open on the page with the (pretty terrible) drawing of the magical girl costume. ]

Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Once you get home you can take it easy, and hopefully you'll feel better soon, too.

And, um - oh! You said you were feeling too puny for puns! That was a pun, right?

[There's that delayed connection. Nailed it!]

Yeah... Thanks for all the help.

[ She managed to give him a genuine smile when he said that though. Better later than never, like they said! ]

Ahaha, yep! I guess I can't help myself.

Huh?

[Mukuro handed Monika her mug, as she took the notebook to take a closer look. Sure, it certainly wasn't the best in terms of artwork, but the idea was there!]

Oh wow, that's totally cute- I love the bows, and that staff!

A hammer would probably be more satisfying.

[ It's a joke, but also, she means it. She does brighten when she sees the smile on Monika's face. Success! ]

I dunno if most people actually would, but... I guess I've always been bad at ignoring when people are upset. If I were the one crying, I'd want someone to check on me.

[ Never mind that the last time she cried had been also been a horrible ugly thing, and there'd been no time to stop and process that. Ritsuka still hasn't given herself the time to do it now, which she knows is entirely hypocritical, but... well, that can be a problem for future her. ]

But also, you know... if I go too far or anything, you can just tell me to back off. I'm pretty good at taking cues once I know they're there.

Hey, I understand.

Just...don't forget that you don't have to rush to put yourself together. Take your time. Make sure everything is where it belongs and you don't leave out any pieces.

And hey, if you find something's missing, don't be afraid to reach out. We can always find it together.

Ehehe. I have Darin working on the staff.

[ Well, the one Darin was working on was pen-shaped, she'd not put much effort in the staff on that drawing. But that brought her to the reason of her presence here: ]

And I was wondering if you could make the costume for me? Can't think of anyone better than the ultimate fashionista for that job! [She raised a finger.] Of course, I'll pay you whatever you need to.

[ She couldn't imagine the services would come cheap, but she was prepared to pay! Working as an influencer made her decent money. ]

[ She was almost certain most people would just ignore her. Well... Maybe not in Avalon. On average, the people here were kinder and more prone to helping others than people were on Earth... Not to speak of her tiny reality. She nodded as she heard her speak. ]

Mhm. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated... [It was always a good way to see things.] Don't worry, you haven't gone too far at all.

[ If anything, she feared she'd been the one who'd gone too far. She had been such a crybaby... Hopefully things would get better in the following days. No way she was going to get a date with Kipposhi that would further break her and bring her mood to new lows.

Streak of bad luck like that? It happened only in video games! ]

And... I hope I'll be able to help you, if you do ever need help.

Thanks Darin.

[ She smiled and nodded— And carefully gave his nose a playful boop with the tip of her new staff. ]

I'll make sure to remember your words.

Honestly... I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but...

[ But she fidgets a little, as she finally goes back to bandaging Monika's hands. ]

...It's actually been a really long time since I've gotten to talk to anyone like, my age or anything like that. So, uh--even if it isn't anything dramatic, and the circumstances aren't the best--it's nice, meeting people at all? I missed that.

[ Unfortunately, Ritsuka won't know about the Kipposhi incident, but she's excited about this, right here and now--she's been in Avalon long enough to really miss the friendship part of her relationship with Mash. Even with people she knows here in Camelot, she's been just... lonely. ]

So, uh, I guess this is weird, but I'd like--it'd be nice to hang out more?

[Oh . . . whoa. Wait a moment here. Kadoc goes from listening while sipping his beer to setting it down on the table so he can give her his full attention. A story like that can mean one of two things, and they're both terrible in very different ways.]

. . . You mean this literally? You were living in—what, a digital world? That's how it sounds.

[With the talk of NPCs, video games, the truncated nature of the world . . . had that really been her situation?

Or was this a metaphor? That's the other possibility, which would be more disturbing to deal with for him, but it's not like this one would be great for her. It really is a horrific thought.]

[ Amy offers her a small smile. ] It's all right. Sometimes it's good to just let ourselves be a mess. It might help you feel better later.

[ She places one hand over Monika's, and it begins glowing a gentle pink with a healing warmth. ]

[ Guess mentioning NPCs and video games had given it away, huh. Normally she would have been more careful with her analogies... That thing she'd endured at Lestari had messed her up more than expected. ]

Yes. A video game. More accurately, a simulated reality. [Not that from the player side any of this simulated reality nonsense was obvious. It just looked like any other visual novel.] Technically I guess you could say I'm an AI... But I've always felt human. My body within the game was programmed to be made of flesh and blood, like here. I can't do any super calculations or whatnot. I have memories of childhood and stuff, even if they're fake.

[ She was, perhaps, sounding a bit defensive there as she enunciated how human she was. She didn't want him to suddenly think less of her for not being "real" or something like that. And she continued further: ]

Can you imagine if you found out Avalon was just a computer program? Suddenly, you become aware of every line of codes. You can't see me and the others as anything more than NPCs. You realize your memories are just after-thoughts your creator put in to flesh your character. After a certain point, everything resets and you're sent back to the start of the game. And most importantly, you are aware the real world exists somewhere beyond Avalon. [She paused and looked away.] That's what happened to me.

[ She was right. She knew it. But it was still so very embarrassing. She shook her head and forced a smile. And was that... A healing spell? Huh. That was actually very helpful, more so since she'd spent all of her healing emails on Kotarou. ]

Thank you...

[ She didn't take it the wrong way, not even close. Though, it was indeed very surprising to hear her say that considering the circumstances... She wouldn't have expected that. Perhaps that was a way to make her feel better? Regardless, she nodded. ]

I can understand that. [She did sometimes feel out of place, too, amongst other people. She absolutely adored her older friends, but it was nice every now and then hanging out with people close to her age. She felt some things came more naturally and more easily with them.] I don't think there's a wrong way to take it, ahaha!

[ If anything, that made her pretty happy. She smiled, her features truly genuine. ]

I would love to. [A pause.] And don't worry. I don't usually cry that much, or break down in public, ahaha!

You never know. Some people are touchy about that sort of thing.

[ Granted, most of the people like that that Ritsuka knows were a lot more battle-hardened and/or intensely misanthropic than Monika has seemed so far: a pack of wolves who had no idea what to do with the small soft thing dropped into their midst.

Ritsuka pulls out her phone, opening up the calendar app. ]

Don't worry. Let's just pencil in one for me, instead, in like... six months, how does that sound?

[ Part of her is worried that this is going to be prophetic, but you know what? That can be also be a problem for Future Ritsuka, and she can worry about it when the time comes. ]

I—kept expecting that to be exactly what was gonna happen to me, for my first few months here.

[This spills out of him unbidden, as he's too shocked to do much but just tell her the answer to her question outright. He can imagine it, yes, but not in the sense that he can really know how it feels. Only in the sense that his paranoid brain had done exactly that more nights than not in the time since he'd arrived here: imagined it. Made up the scenario again and again, as an explanation for a thing he couldn't explain and couldn't bring himself to take at face value.

It's not the same. Kadoc shakes his head on a hard swallow. No, he can't understand, but it's clear enough how that had affected her. The idea that she might be less human for it doesn't occur to him; how could she be, with this utterly human reaction of horror to her circumstances?]

But it didn't. To me, it was just a crazy thing I came up with to explain all this. To you . . . I didn't realize. . . . So being here is your first time existing outside of all that.

[Darin wiggles his nose, having never been booped before.]

What was that? Casting a spell on me?

[He's teasing.]

Mhm. [She nodded.] Well, I did try escaping to the real world. I could mess with the code. I tried rewriting my reality and, um. It's a long story... But no blue fairy ever granted me my wish.

[ It was no fairy tale. Miracles didn't exist in the real world. Her creator was probably getting a kick out of it. He'd created her as someone who had strong romantic dreams and pretty high ideals, someone who believed miracles were possible. Only to wake up to a horrible reality she had never been able to do anything about. Worse, she'd become a monster. ]

It was horrible... I still have nightmares every nights. I thought I'd managed to get over it, but last month in Lestari...

[ She didn't say more, choking on those last words. If he knew of the video games that absorbed people, it was probably easy to imagine what had happened. She closed her eyes for a moment, then managed to force a smile. ]

Well anyway, if that's any comfort, I can promise you none of this is a simulation, ahaha! [If anyone in Avalon may have matched or even surpassed his paranoia that everything was a simulation, it was Monika. And she'd finally reached a conclusion after all these months.] I've been really attentive to all sorts of details that would give it away. If it was a simulation, I'd know it.

September Catch-All

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I wanna reply to her network post but I feel it'll depend a lot how this talk goes lol

yup, here's hoping it won't go awfully!

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indeed! Hope you don't mind me tagging into that late

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nah, it's fine

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