isleofavalon | pointing fingers at others

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pointing fingers at others

🧙 WHO: Hendrik and Jasper
⚔️️ WHAT: Discussing misplaced blame
🕒 WHEN: Last day of August
🗺️ WHERE: Their house
⚠️ WARNINGS: N/A for now

[From the windows visible from the kitchen, Hendrik peers outside to watch the last vestiges of sunlight disappear from sight. The sun seems to be retreating earlier nowadays, which points to the seasons changing. He makes a mental note to himself to learn more about what will be going on during what was typically deemed the harvesting season in Heliodor; Camelot clearly has its share of farms and orchards that will need to be tended to ... unless there were fae around that would help would those sorts of things. One could never be sure.

He pulls out his device soon after, tapping out his mental note to ensure he remembers it for later. Keeping notes and taking pictures has certainly helped him stay organized, even without the scheduling and tasks one had to complete as a general. There's even a little satisfaction in being able to tap a task and put a little checkmark next to it.

It's while he's tapping through apps on his phone that he sees his text message history, and he stares at his messages with Princess Jade for a long moment. Having a conversation with Jasper always seemed to be a practice in gauging the environment. He did not tend to tiptoe around subjects with his former fellow general, but he knew approaching the topic of Jade with him had to be at least somewhat carefully done; Jasper could disengage and escape, and that would ultimately be frustrating.

Then the excursion to find the sleeping necromancer occurred, and the necessary conversation slipped from his mind.

With a sigh, he lifts his head to look around for Jasper. Perhaps he had taken to sitting outside this evening.]

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[Summer ends with the setting sun; a burst of colour consumed by darkness. The sight had once been cherished, until he had come to love the blackness and abhor the light. Now the dark is only depressing.

He reclines in a lounge chair in the garden, his attention focused on a notebook. His diary that had turned up out of the blue. He reads through pages where thoughts are collected, observations noted and furious accusations levelled at everyone from friend to family. A passage about Hendrik's return from Puerto Valor causes him to shut the diary and look around. His old friend lingers in the kitchen and he looks down at his diary.

Should the man come outside he will simply greet him by name.]

Hendrik.

[Hendrik slides his phone into his pocket and stands in the doorway back into the house, looking ponderously at Jasper. He has put off discussing this matter, whether it be intentional or unintentional, and he should get the question out before he thinks to do different.]

Jasper.

[He pauses, momentarily distracted when he notices what Jasper is dong.]

Reading in the dark?

[Jasper leaves his diary open and looks up at the last of the setting sun; peeking over the backyard fence. He has no need to close it to protect it from the raid. He only possesses the desire to feel like the young man who wrote it once again.]

I find the need to focus helps me think.

[About what? Plenty of things.]

[The need to focus? To think? It's a strange notion to Hendrik, when intense thought required focus already. But he shakes his head, shutting the door behind him and sinking into a chair across from Jasper.]

What has you in such deep thought this evening?

[The question prompts Jasper to furrow his brow. He hunches in his chair, diary balanced in his lap. His thoughts in this strange place always turn towards home. Scant affection exists for this land and its people; not that he undoubtedly possessed it for his own kingdom. Oh, but he misses home regardless.

Does that make him a hypocrite? Does he miss the man he was?]

Home.

[At that answer, Hendrik finds himself reminded of the conversation that had prompted him to talk to Jade. All of this seemed to circle back unto itself, didn't it?]

Have you seen it as home this entire time?

[That seemed like a potential area of conflict, considering what has happened there.]

I believe so. That is for as long I have been aware of my circumstances.

[Insight on emotions was discouraged until recently. Not positively, not in any case. Nothing was to be accepted but hatred and anger. It had been touch to view his kingdom as home when he had felt rejected by it.]

[The reply receives a small nod. Aware of his circumstances. Perhaps it would not hurt to segue to what is on his mind, then.]

Much has happened since we appeared here. We have all had a chance to speak to one another.

[Too much? Too subtle? He scratches his beard as he carefully watches Jasper.]

[Jasper looks up from his diary for the first time in this conversation. His gaze flits around the garden - at hedgerows, flowers and streams - before settling on his old-time friend. He stares at him with his fingertips drumming his notebook. He scarcely knows what to say. There is no reason to bring up the Luminary and Princess in this conversation. Why can they not just enjoy a peaceful evening?]

Well, I suppose it was too much to hope you simply came outside to enjoy my company.

[This is normally where he would close his notebook to show his focus and dedication. This time, he shows neither and keeps it open.]

I am happy enough speaking with you. Why must you bring the others into this?

[He expects Jasper to read into his words and shut him down, and is surprised when it doesn't happen. It does little to change how carefully he thinks of what to say next, hands dropping to rest on his knees.]

Because I care about home, and they are part of it.

[He may not have had a lot of time talking to the Luminary, but it doesn't take much now to understand what kind of role he will play in their world's future.]

...Does that make sense?

[Does it make sense? At first Jasper believes it might. He ascertains his friend identifies as part of a community; whose words reveal he feels connected to their home and its people in a way he cannot. It is a realisation that makes him shift in his chair; discreet movements that are visible if one knows where to look.]

Not anymore.

[He would have understood at one point.]

[He isn't surprised by Jasper's reply, but it still makes Hendrik sigh as he considers what that actually means. He isn't the one who has spent almost half his life feeling somehow disconnected and cheated. He tries to latch on to something he hopes will connect.]

His Majesty and the Princess are both practically family. Even without considering duty, there is a connection there that I wish to preserve.

[Well. He wants to preserve their entire world, but that was looking quite hopeless before arriving in Avalon.]

[Jasper leans back in his chair. That Hendrik considers his two closest associates as family is unsurprising. It would be were he to dismiss their connection; the man's losses makes for a predictable train of thought.

He furrows his brow as he struggles to find that same connection. If anything, it feels like his old friend is talking about strangers.]

That hardly surprises me. You always did take your oaths seriously.

[So did he but he's not saying that.]

[The way that Jasper does not include himself is immediately noticed, and Hendrik leans forward with a frown.]

You used to take your oaths very seriously as well. I have difficulty believing that you do not understand what I am talking about. For whatever reason, it was easier to poison our connection than to make you not care about it anymore.

[Hendrik leans forward and Jasper finds he cannot retreat or escape from his chair. He moves his elbow and crosses one leg over the other, wedging his notebook between his thigh and the chair.]

Perhaps it was. We certainly made it easy, at least.

[It would be easy to focus on their relationship, as carefully rebuilt and sometimes terse as it could be. But he knows that there is more that needs to be talked about.]

But I have also seen the way you speak to the Princess. You certainly do not speak to her like you do not care.

[But what else should he say to that?]

For what reasons do you hate her?

[The change in topic is both immediate and obvious. Jasper looks around the garden, hoping he might avoid speaking about the issue. It is when he realises he cannot escape it that his eyes narrow and turn on his friend.]

Life was simple before she came around. That said, I think it is her father who has much to answer for.

[Hendrik had been a young man who had abandoned him. The Princess had been a child. He recognises the difference and loathes how his anger has nowhere to go. It falls on Carnelian's shoulders; a man who is not here to defend himself.]

[Hendrik watches Jasper, eyes downcast as he thinks of their lives so long ago. He shakes his head, not understanding.]

I do not understand. You treat her horribly for a time where she was not present.

[But perhaps Mordegon has been telling him things. Making him perceive things, as that come up with his talk with Jade.]

[Jasper slinks down in his chair; bored and unwilling to speak about a topic that strikes too close to his heart.]

My anger is the consequence of her actions. I would not have abandoned either of you to your fate.

[It certainly felt like he was left alone all those years, even with his best friend living in the same castle.]

[He stares at that, brows knitting together in disbelief.]

She was a child, Jasper. You think it was her choice to stay away that entire time?

[No reaction.

It crosses his mind that he should find it ridiculous - what he's saying - but that same mind turns towards analysing his problem. That he was abandoned by everyone.]

Not in the beginning but there came a day when she was responsible enough to make decisions. She could have returned. She did not.

What do you think would have happened?

[He has to speak up and challenge Jasper's position, if simply because he cannot see any sense in it.]

You more than anyone else in Heliodor know what type of monster Mordegon is. Do you think he would have tolerated the Princess' return?

Edited 2021-09-03 04:15 (UTC)

[Jasper unfolds his leg and leans forward. Taking his diary, he sighs in disappointment and looks past his friend at the garden fence.]

He would have feigned patience with the public. Not that his actions are not under scrutiny here.

[Not that his master would not have tried killing her out of sight. That said, he rises to his feet, ready to try and escape.]

[Hendrik rises the moment he sees Jasper stand, unwilling to even allow the chance of letting the discussion end on such a note.]

And the moment he had her alone? Perhaps he would have struck her in the back, like myself? Left her behind to die?

[Perhaps he should say outright that, for all of Jasper's perceived slights, he was the not the one who was left to die in the heart of Yggdrasil.]

[The question prompts a sour look to flash across his face; swiftly replaced in a second by troubled distress. Once he had considered himself glad to believe his old friend was dead. That happiness had never come.]

Better to be knifed in the back than stabbed in the chest.

[His words are not aggressive, more thoughts processed aloud. Being killed instantly without feeling yourself wither in despair is a mercy.]

Spoken like one who has experienced both.

[He can't keep his anger at a simmer, his words splashing out bitterly before he bites his tongue.]

I suppose you would know, having done both to the Kingdom of Heliodor.

[But he knows where the argument will go at this point. He has already heard what Jasper thinks of the citizenry.]

[Jasper is already storming back towards the house; his back turned on that bitter anger spewing from Hendrik's mouth. He dismisses him - his argument - with a wave of the back of his hand.]

The Kingdom abandoned me first. They refused to listen.

[At least the forces he came to command listened to his observations.]

Who are "they"? His Majesty, who you by your own word has not in his right senses? Those who swore their fealty to a king and not to one of its generals?

[He doesn't include himself, because he has no right to defend his own inaction. He chose the kingdom over his friend.]

The future of the Kingdom is here in this city. Regardless of His Majesty's fate, she will rise to the throne when we return home. Who is the one refusing to listen?

[He can't help but grit his teeth at Jasper's retreating back.]

Or perhaps that is what you think of as home after all these years. Dust.

[The argument is there to level against the Princess. One exists, too, to charge her people. He is ready to accuse both of renouncing him as a protector and companion; his thoughts ready to translate into words. All of which is forgotten with Hendrik's final say.

He turns back - a lost expression on his face as he remembers something old. That Hendrik would say this after all they have shared strains his heart and weakens his legs.]

Dust is all my home has been since I was five years old, Hendrik.

[It is upsetting enough that he falls silent.]

Edited 2021-09-03 06:12 (UTC)

[The anger dissipates from Hendrik's features as he hears those words, though his frown remains steady throughout. He glances off into the dark of the garden, wanting to escape the look on Jasper's face but also not willing enough to step away.]

I do not believe that, Jasper. I do not believe you so fragile as to leave such a big part of your heart locked away so far in the past.

[He takes a steadying breath and rights his gaze, returning to looking at his old friend.]

If such were the case, you would not have continued on.

[Jasper keeps his gaze on Hendrik and watches him turn his face; his own expression turning its back on dismay in favour of cold, comfortable neutrality. He does not want his old friend and companion to deny his emotions.

If anything, he wants them to be heard.]

If such were the case, it would be because you cannot listen. Your opinion might be the correct one but empathy is not what I am seeking, Hendrik.

[His tone picks up in anger. He just wants this man and his strong shoulder to be there.]

[Silence. In the face of Jasper's rising anger, Hendrik's face does not change. His hands curl into fists for a time before he sighs, letting go of a tide of words that may become twisted and frustrated if he tried to explain himself.]

Very well. Then let that be the end of my disagreements.

[Or voicing them, for that matter.]

[Happiness. He didn't find it after betraying his country. He doesn't find it in Hendrik's capitualation. Weakness is not worth respecting.

His eyes narrow in suspicion. This conversation has come out of the blue, which hints at outside interference.]

I doubt they were your disagreements in the first instance. Do you think I cannot realise who put you up to this?

[Though there is a desire to cross his arms to still an inner restlessness, Hendrik fights it with deep breaths and a focused gaze.]

I think you believe you know something because it is the least desirable outcome.

Tell me I am wrong, then. I can wait.

[He stands with his legs apart in confidence; hands grasping his hips as fingers dig into muscle and skin.]

[Hendrik tilts his head at that particular decision, blinking slowly at Jasper's stance. What was the point of this?]

Why?

[This is all probably preferable over devolving into a fight, but it seems rather ... childish?]

[Jasper claws at his hips; no longer digging into muscle but clawing in.]

Because I cannot respect a man who oversteps his boundaries and scuttles off into the dark.

[A man who does not do what he tells them to.]

[The threat of losing Jasper's respect should hurt more, and Hendrik remains quiet as he ponders why the words ring dull. Perhaps it's a result of Jasper's betrayal, with other pains paling after something so deep.

Perhaps it's difficult to believe that Jasper ever respected him at all, given the way they could be pushed apart by Mordegon.]

Then you are wrong. I did not ask at anyone's behest.

With your candour I can believe you.

[Hendrik lacks the guile for lying. More importantly, he can write away the fact he is delusional yet again on emotional matters.]

What did you hope to gain?

[At last he stops resisting the urge to cross his arms, letting them rest low against his chest.]

I would have thought it obvious, given the number of questions I asked. Understanding.

[But he shakes his head.]

Whether or not you think the same, I believe that your treatment of the Princess makes no sense. I sought to understand, and little has changed.

[Jasper lightens his grip, fingers coming to a more neutral position at the top of his thighs. He takes a short while to think about what Hendrik is saying and finds he cannot process it; the psychological obstacle of their last sixteen years being all for naught. The truth is they are important in other matters but this? He cannot connect to it - and that calms him with resignation.]

One cannot change their personality in a day, Hendrik. Do you not realise what you are asking me to forget?

[That sixteen years of history; of destroyed dreams; of unstable emotions.]

Mm. Perhaps I have been in denial.

[Hendrik shuts his eyes and once again sighs, weighing the idea that Jasper may have in fact been trying to curb his own behavior.]

All I request is that you attempt to get along with the Princess. If you truly have any crumb of respect for me, it is better off given to her. She is not the one who sat blind for over a decade.

[His arms fold across his stomach, protecting him from a fair request. The issue is processed in calm fashion; the modest request of a soulmate.

A flash of emotion colours his face for a second - until he wrinkles his nose and denies everything.

The connection flowing from himself through Hendrik is easier to digest than getting to know Jade personally. Yes, that's the reason.]

Fibne. If civility is your desire, I can at least be honest.

[He hardly intends to be kind.]

[Hendrik's eyes flicker open at Jasper's reluctant assent, no less strained by their serious conversation than before. He shakes his head slowly.]

I dare not hope for more than that for now.

[His fingers curl and flex as he finally disengages, taking a step away from the door where Jasper still stands.]

Thank you.

[Jasper looks at Hendrik for a moment; scrutinising him for his motives even without a malicious bone in his body. Being fooled to the point of delusion has left him paranoid at times. Arguments and altercations with this man always seem to pull on those same strings.

It is an experience he hides. Incapable of pinpointing malevolent intent, he silently takes Hendrik's quiet offer to let him escape, walking by without a word to disappear into the house.]

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pointing fingers at others

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