⏪ humbug | OPEN

[teaserving]

Who: Leone Abbacchio and OPEN
What: Various prompts include getting shrunk down by angry pixies, barhopping, and trying to find some old lady's lost cat.
When: Throughout December
Where: Various places throughout Camelot and its surrounding areas
Warnings: N/A


⏪ I. HONEY I SHRANK THE MAFIOSO

[It's a bit ironic considering what his familiar is, but-- well. Here he is, just shortly after he'd told the gaggle of pixies to fuck off after they attempted to pester him into their little party.

Apparently, they did not take well to it.

So: Leone Abbacchio is now suddenly much smaller, no bigger than his own familiar. Once a very tall man, now a small angry pixie-sized disaster. He grumbles to himself, trying to find his way back, but it turns out being this small means it's going to take forever to get anywhere.]

Stupid little fuckers.


⏪ II. HUMBUG

[Working on his own is not one of Abbacchio's strongest feats. As such, he's felt listless since his arrival, mostly spending his time indoors and away from people if he can help it. But even he, as antisocial as he is, cannot live purely as a hermit. Besides, his wine bottle is empty and he'd rather try to be anywhere but his flat to be miserable for the holidays.

Seated at a fairly quiet bar, Abbacchio is pouring himself a glass of wine. His familiar, the little blue pixie, is sitting cross-legged on top of the bar.

He considers.]

Hey. Leave a shot glass for her.

[The bartender does, and Abbacchio pours some wine for her.]

C'mon. You might as well get something out of this.

[The pixie looks curiously at the glass in front of her, then takes a sip.]

That's the spirit.


⏪ III. THE HUNT FOR MITTENS

And where did you last see your cat?

[Oh, goodness. Just right here on this porch. I went inside for just a moment to pull out my cookies from the oven, and when I came back out she was gone! An old lady sniffles, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. You don't think someone kidnapped her, do you?!]

Depends on if you pissed off anyone recently. [There's a pause, then a meager attempt at manners:] ...Ma'am.

[Well, I know the neighbors get very jealous of my turnips. I grow them as big as a watermelon! Do you like turnips, young man?]

I'm, uh. ... I'm good. Listen, I'll have an ask around about your cat.

[Shoving his hands into his pockets, he slips away before the old nonna starts chatting away at him.

Ugh. He shakes his head. This would be so much be easier if he still had his Stand.]


⏪ IV. WILDCARD

[Make your own prompt or request one!]

Comments

i

[casaposa]

[The stupid little fuckers grabs his attention and the squeaky voiced source-

Is the same bastard that took him for a ride in the snow the other day.

This is karma at its finest. Superb. Beautiful. Lady fortune loves him specifically for taking him through his particular path.

He blows some smoke from the lit cigarette in his hand directly towards the tiny bastard below him with a laugh.]

Looks like you picked a fight with the wrong group. I'm not surprised.

[teaserving]

[THIS MOTHERFUCKER.

If he was in his full size, he wouldn't hesitate to land a punch to his stupid fucking face. As it was, it's a long way from his hand to this asshole's face.

So he does the next best thing without much hesitation: he's gonna run for the ankles and start biting the shit out of him, like a pissed off feral cat. Which isn't a bad description for Leone Abbacchio.]

[casaposa]

[What did he expect? Really?

Caesar's torn between anger and amusement-the sheer audacity of this pixie sized bastard nipping at his ankles making him straddle the line between the two emotions.

And those little teeth? Are like tiny kitten nips against his skin. They do hurt in the same way papercuts do. It's annoying and he drops a hand down to lightly flick at his tiny ass legs.]

Knock if off, you little shit. Someone might confuse you for a mosquito and smash you.

[teaserving]

[It's entirely stupid and if Abbacchio wasn't blinded by how much he just hates this fucker he'd have ignored him.

But alas, here we are, with Li'l Leone whipping around and biting at the closest finger as he's about to get flicked.

Oh and he flips off Caesar with the world's smallest middle finger.]

[casaposa]

[You know what? He should let someone smash the bastard like the a bug he is. The magic here will heal him as well as any hamon afterwards and-

There's another 'papercut' on his finger, he sees one on the tiny man's hand fly up and knows exactly what he's implicating with it.

So he pinches his forefinger and thumb around that raised middle finger, pulling him up from the ground and closer to eyelevel.]

Stop being such a nuisance. Your attitude is going to get you killed like this.

[teaserving]

Like you're one to talk, coglione!

[He'd probably sound more threatening if he was not Ken doll sized right now. As it is, he's seriously debating spitting in Caesar's eye.]

Piss off already. Unless you think you can only pick a fight with me when I'm like this.

[casaposa]

You're the one picking a fight, stronzo. You're all bark.

[Says the man who said hello by blowing literal smoke in his face. Look, he's not perfect.

Speaking of-he takes another drag of his cigarette and doesn't exhale the smoke in his face this time. That's something. Not quite progress, because he almost does, but decides against it at the last second. The small goblin nightmare in his hand is a problem.

And as much as he'd love to leave him, he can't. Something in his soul makes him want to beat the hell out of his guy the moment he's full size again.

So you know what? They're going on an adventure, Charlie. All the way to candy mountain. ]

Don't struggle. I'm going to drop you off somewhere. Save your yapping for when you go back to your normal size.

[teaserving]

And you like picking fights for shitty reasons. Too bad you can't finish them.

[He truly considers struggling anyway, just to be a shit about it. But it's a long drop and he doesn't have healing magic. It'd be a stupid reason to get hurt.]

Somewhere. How about you be more specific?

[casaposa]

I can finish them just fine or did you already need another lesson in that?

[Did either one of them win the last one? Debatable. His memory's fuzzy in that regard, but barreling into a unicorn out of spite will do that to you.

He shakes him. Rough.]

You'll find out. Just shut up and be grateful.

[Maybe he should just throw him in the river. Faeries, pixies, whatever-they're probably water creatures too, right? Wings and fins and all that.]

[teaserving]

I seem to remember you passing out in the snow, dipshit.

[well so did abbacchio but who's counting

Abbacchio kicks with his tiny angry goth feet.]

Fucking put me down if you're not gonna tell me. I don't trust you.

[casaposa]

I remember you doing the same, idiot.

[Does he? Not really. Is he going to be a petulant ass about it until his dying day? Absolutely.

The temper tantrum is laughable and he lets out a scoff at the way he kicks his feet, like a dog about to touch water.]

And if I wanted to harm you, I would've done it already. You're no threat like this. [But he does get that particular concern and-] We're going to an apartment.

[teaserving]

Sure you did.

[except caesar is right but maybe some gaslighting will help?? no it won't]

You're shit at being reassuring. I don't want to be in your crappy apartment.

[casaposa]

I didn't say it was mine.

[It's technically not his. The reason he's there is a chapstick fueled mystery for the ages and the reason he continues to stay is a whole suitcase of things he doesn't care to deal with. ]

Unless you would rather sleep this off in the leaves and hope a creature doesn't mistake you for a snack in the middle of the night.

[teaserving]

So you're a freeloader.

[It's accusatory, but Abbacchio likes his own independence. Sharing with someone else just sounds like trouble, and who would be stupid enough to take pity on this guy?]

Depends. Probably better company than you.

[casaposa]

Stop being a brat. I didn't say I lived there either.

[Which he does, but fuck him. Caesar's going to be a petulant ass the whole way to the apartment.]

Next time I'll remember to leave you to the wolves then.

[But whatever, he's going to at least give the idiot shelter. The little bastard is picking so many fights he'll probably die otherwise. Not that he cares one bit if that's what happens. It'd be his own damn fault.]

[teaserving]

Then why the hell are you taking me there?

[he sees through you nerd]

I didn't fucking ask for your help, so stop acting like you're doing me a favor. You pissed me off, then decided to carry me off no matter what.

[casaposa]

This isn't a favor to you. No one in this world deserves to have you nipping at their heels like a wild animal.

[God this is ridiculous and the apartment is finally in sight. Edgeworth isn't here to sass him about this tiny goblin, which is the smallest blessing, so puts out his cigarette in the ashtray by the door and-

Drops the bastard right into the tray afterwards. It's what the sassy bastard deserves. He probably likes the dark tint that's sticking to his clothes-it matches his shitty aesthetic.

He regrets this already.]

[teaserving]

I only react that way to you, dumbass.

[And right into the ashtray, which is fucking disgusting for the record. Abbacchio looks livid, immediately launching himself out and kicking the tray in Caesar's direction.

Fuck it. Whoever is dumb enough to let Caesar stay with them? Deserves to have their place wrecked.]

[casaposa]

Aren't I the lucky one?

[And he's just barely able to spit out those bitter words before-

Oh okay.

Somehow? He knew it would go down like that. Dropping the feisty bastard in an ash tray may have been a step too far, but it's not like he doesn't deserve it for being a complete dick.

The ashtray hits him right in the arm-bullshit.]

You really want to go a round when you're that small? Go ahead and try me then.

[teaserving]

Maybe fucking stop instigating shit and making shitty excuses. I didn't ask you to drag me here and throw me around. You should have just left me alone. But clearly you have to please your own fucking ego!

[As much as he'd love to throw down, it wouldn't even be close to an even match. And the door isn't open yet, so he can't fuck up the apartment.

So instead, he just looks pissed off, arms crossed.]

[casaposa]

[He unintentionally mimics the gesture in his own anger-his arms fold across his chest and he regards this tiny mouthy nightmare with disdain.

He did bring him here though and why he's trying to help this asshole is beyond him.]

Hah! As if you weren't the one to pick a fight from day one.

[Except that was sort of him too-well whatever. It's not like the ass didn't deserve some dirt in the face. ]

Just accept the shelter and stop being a brat. I don't plan on staying with you so you'll get the solitude you crave.

[teaserving]

You hit me with a fucking snowball you idiot. You want me to replay that entire scene for you or are you that wrapped up in denial?

Good. [He'll find Caesar's things and fuck them up!] Open the fucking door then. Make yourself useful for once.

[casaposa]

You were relaxing in the wrong place, asshole. Stop blaming other people for your shitty decisions.

[Whatever, Italian bastard man.

He resists the urge to flip him off in turn because he is the bigger man here.

But he does slam the door on his way out, in the most mature fashion possible.]

Ciao, stronzo.

[teaserving]

I was on the fucking sidelines, dipshit.

[Whatever, this guy is just a shitty bastard and he's gonna ruin this place.]

Piss off.

[Speaking of piss, he has some shoes to find.]