isleofavalon | a horse, a horse. (of course.)

Entry tags:

a horse, a horse. (of course.)

🧙 WHO: Hendrik and Jasper
⚔️️ WHAT: They can tolerate a short trip. How about a longer one?
🕒 WHEN: Second week of May
🗺️ WHERE: Heading towards the Rent-a-Ride Outpost; maybe Red Springs
⚠️ WARNINGS: N/A for now

[When he is not paying attention to the path ahead of him, beaten into the grass by carriages bearing new arrivals to the Red Springs and Camelot month after month, Hendrik turns his thoughts inward to his carefully managed funds. Did he have enough for a good saddle and tack? What if he could not afford a horse that really spoke to him? It's a dilemma that he never truly encountered until Avalon, with his low interest in expensive purchases and most of his needs provided for by the king or the army.

And when he is not thinking about those things, his thoughts inevitably wander to his traveling companion. Is this a good idea, given how volatile their interactions were only a month ago? He can't say for sure, especially when the alternative was to leave Jasper in the house with their familiars, but he had let him know that it would be a longer trip due to how far the horse farm was from the city.

Truth be told, he is surprised that Jasper decided to come along. He had not shown much interest for most of the last outing, after all.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You cannot help for what your heart yearns, Jasper.

[The reply comes with little hesitation; it is obvious that Hendrik believes the thought to be true. He's quiet for awhile afterwards, pondering on what that ultimately could mean.]

I suppose I would wonder why you would yearn for it, given all that has happened.

[Jasper rolls his shoulders and looks back a moment. He has little sight of anything but the tall man saddled behind him - in a close position he would never have expected. He turns his head back and keeps his silence for a second.

Until he thinks of the best way to share how he simply feels out of place here.]

Do you feel at home here, Hendrik?

[Hendrik is quiet for a moment at the question, tilting his head in consideration.]

No. Not at all.

[Even if he's spent more time in one place in Avalon, it is still distinctly not what he considers home.]

...Do you still consider Heliodor home?

[There is a loaded expectation behind the question. Jasper closes his eyes and focuses on his answer. Heliodor has always been home; from the hearth of his quarters to rolling hills. Now his lodgings lie in ruins and the land is set ablaze.]

I wish I could but I fear I have lost the right.

[But he sheds no tears. How could he possibly when the destruction had been by his hand?]

[There is silence to the point that it is noticeable that Hendrik is holding his breath, especially when he sighs. Though it is obviously a concerning topic for Jasper, Hendrik's mindset remains clear.]

It is no wonder you yearn in this way when your feelings are so adrift.

[There's not much he can say, though; they are both aware of Jasper's heinous actions and how they cannot be easily pushed aside.]

For good or ill, it remains out there. Waiting for our return.

[Jasper tenses in his back and lets slip a few small breaths, adjusting nervously in the saddle as he stiffens from head to toe. Though he wishes to drop the issue, Hendrik keeps reminding him of his feelings. For a moment, he thinks he might bite and lash out with his tongue, but he finds himself grateful. Hendrik is trying to understand at last.

He finds himself releasing the reins so he no longer has to worry about guiding the mare. There is a satisfaction in letting his old friend steer - the lifting of weight from his shoulders.]

My return will hardly prove easy, will it not?

[To exchange strangers for people with whom he has nothing in common? Will indeed be difficult. But then again, isn't that ever the problem?]

Hendrik, I feel like a fish outside the ocean. Are these feelings even my own?

[He can feel the moment that Jasper releases his hold on the horse, and he gathers the reins a bit to maintain the same amount of control as had been applied earlier.

He wants to offer comfort and optimism, but it's also tempered with the reality of how difficult the months after the Fall have been for those under his protection.]

It will not be easy, no. It will require work on all sides.

[That is broad enough. What he wants to focus on is Jasper's question.]

Perhaps you can ascertain that by thinking back on how long you have felt that way?

[Fingers drum against the saddle, brushing over leather before tapping one of the saddlebags. There is a relief in how they swerve and dodge the problem his return to the country would cause. Perhaps such consequence is what he deserves.]

I cannot say. Perhaps without meeting here I would not even feel this way.

[The land becomes a blur.]

Hendrik, should we return, will we even remember this discussion?

[Should they return, will they be enemies?]

[Hendrik goes quiet at the question, disturbed by how it had never crossed his mind before.]

I ... do not know. Can one even remember what has happened beyond time?

[It's an instantly distressing idea, and he has to calm himself lest he place strain on Jasper and the mare.]

Regardless ... I would hope so. I do not want to think all our troubles here have been for naught.

[Would it even be worth building happy memories here if they were then stripped away? That is something he would have to ponder.]

[Hendrik's words come from behind; prompting a slight turn of his head to better heed and hear. The man's penchant for rumination is matched only by his own.

The thought turns his head back to the road.]

I doubt I should relish losing my memory. I have already lost my future and mind.

[Isolated deliberately. Twisted into someone he had never thought he would become. Is it worth mourning the man he could have been? He hardly knows.]

[He grimaces and tightens his hold on the reins at Jasper's comments, but finds himself without any sort of immediate reply. He could offer that there is hope as long as they are alive, but the situation was downright dismal in Heliodor before his arrival in Avalon. Attacks by monsters created from the country's dead? Upsetting on every level.]

I would want to think memories here could change the future. Perhaps that is ... too optimistic.

[For the longest moment in a while, he feels his mood lift. His shoulders relax and his muscles loosen as he situates himself comfortably in the saddle. Leaning backwards, his shoulders against his friend's chest.]

My dear Hendrik, you were ever the optimist. That sounds natural for you.

[A careful glance down tells Hendrik that he is not in fact imagining that weight against his chest, and he breathes deep with an unknown feeling welling up inside him. It's not quite happiness or relief, but something that somehow encompasses both. Peace? Comfort?

Whatever it is, he is glad to have it in the moment.]

Is it not natural to hope that the future is not grim? ...Though I suppose everyone has a threshold for how much they may hope.

[Jasper clears his throat; a low, rumbling sound that conveys disagreement and disappointment. He leans deeper against his friend, a man who literally has his back, with his eyes closed so he can feel the sun warm his face.]

Indeed. It is difficult to believe in your future when you stand alone.

[There is something of a shift in the mood as Jasper leans further back against him, mostly in the contrast between his body language and his words.]

Mm. It is something I have taken for granted. The presumption that everything was fine.

[Hendrik's words pull Jasper around to stare in a manner both trusting and startled. His eyes widen; brows rising as he makes a great show of being confused and moved. The rapport and camarederie of those words are like drinking water when thirsty.]

People rarely possess the intelligence to recognise a dire situation.

[He can say that about himself much as Hendrik.]

[The movement against him gives Hendrik enough reason to look down at Jasper as he turns around, and he blinks at the open confusion that greets him. His brows knit together in surprise, but he doesn't look away.]

I suppose that is true. In hindsight, it was truly foolish to think that apprehending you in the heart of Yggdrasil necessitated His Majesty's presence in any way.

[Without warning, a frown appears in the corner of his lips. He manages to swallow and hide his disappointment but bites his lips. They quiver as his head slowly twists towards the path; shoulders slumped as he leans forward over the saddle.

His presumption Hendrik spoke about leaving him to rot was perhaps one too many, after all.

He does not answer.]

[It was the wrong thing to say. The reaction he sees unfolding in front of him makes that abundantly clear, and Hendrik grimaces inwardly as Jasper leans away and says nothing to his thoughts spoken aloud.

Insensitive. Idiotic.

He has to fight his own discomfort for several long minutes before he speaks again.]

I know that is not what you want to hear. It is unfortunately the loudest thought that demands my attention when I think about my mistakes. It is not as if I have forgotten what else has transpired.

[Several long minutes pass same as the others. In cold silence, with his attention focused upon his sleeves, fingers fixing his cuffs before fingering his hair. His inescapable nervous habit employed to hide emotions he has no trouble demonstrating.

He speaks with a cold, resignated tone. It is not as if he is unused to being misunderstood and overlooked.]

There is no need to plead my understanding, Hendrik. You already have it.

[His words break off as he has to swallow his anger.]

I am honestly disappointed you simply cannot offer me the same.

[Hendrik's face falls at the distinctly cold change in tone, but he accepts that it is due to the way in which he had spoken. It is not difficult to imagine the anger that will follow if he speaks up now.

And so he says nothing, though there is a question on his lips about what he isn't understanding.

He focuses instead on the journey ahead -- a march to a known destination, any admiration of the scenery falling away.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

a horse, a horse. (of course.)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject