Ardyn catchall | February, December

[problemsoncauthess]

🧙 WHO: Ardyn and, unfortunately, you.
⚔️️ WHAT: Questboard, February TDM and December TDM because I didn't write that one huge starter for nothing.
🕒 WHEN: ?February?, a backthread to December
🗺️ WHERE: Camelot, Land of Rot, Forest of the Fisher King, Island of Maidens (Dec)
⚠️ WARNINGS: Ardyn Izunia apocalyptic imagery, stabbing, slime monsters, corpse mutilation, murder, corpse smooching... so, Ardyn Izunia.


I. Creative Cutlery

Out on some side street of Camelot you might run into a certain somewhat shabbily-dressed Old Man (who is really in his 30s, but the art of tidy shaving seems to have escaped him). The Old Man Vibe(TM) is further exacerbated by the fact that he's frowning at his smartphone, poking at it very slowly and whispering something under his breath - a true image of a boomer defeated by all this fancy-schmancy technology. Once he catches the sight of you, there's finally a glimmer of hope and relief on his face; he waves a hand to attract your attention.

"Oh, pardon me... But could you help me with something? I've yet to get used to these devices, I'm afraid... I was told I should change the 'settings', but I can't find them anywhere..."

Should you fall for the confused pleading in his voice and get close enough, Ardyn will eagerly show you the phone with the mail app open and explain that he's been getting so much strange mail, you see, and people told him it's called 'spam', and he can make it go in the trash box, but he can't figure out how, and it's really getting quite frustrating, why couldn't they have just settled with regular magic...

... all the while his other hand dips into a pocket briefly to pull out something sharp and very quickly thrust it into your side or your arm, whichever happens to be closer or more exposed. Oops?

II. The Dragon's Graveyard

Though the scenery is... very far from pleasant, Ardyn seems to be rather at home here, spreading his arms and taking a big, dramatic lungful of air. He then turns to you, nodding towards the graveyard, a kind of excited curiosity in his tone.

"They do say those creatures let you see how you will die. An intriguing idea, do you not find?"

III. Well, Sssssshit

Getting stuck in mud is not how Ardyn expected to find his way to the tomb, and it's with genuine distaste and annoyance that he picks up his muddied-through hat and tries to shake it off. The rest of him being covered in goop doesn't seem to bother him much, but the hat? That's sacred.

"Well, that could have gone better."

He looks around, wiping the remains of the mud off his face (not very successfully), but stops in surprise once he sees the guardian of the tomb - currently, fortunately enough, asleep.

"... Well, now. This is almost a touch of home."

IV. Backdated to December: Island of Dreams

It looks as though someone had discovered that this island can make anything real, and then set out to have as much fun with it as they could. Their progress is fairly easy to trace - first you might encounter a strange goopy blob at least as tall as you are, and thus likely dangerous; fortunately, it doesn't notice you, slithering about aimlessly. Next you come to the ruins of a city; a rather modern one, if you are familiar with such things: tall skyscrapers, wide lanes, streetlights, cars, even vending machines... all broken. The buildings are crumbling, the roads are torn up, the lights broken and flickering, vehicles abandoned or overturned, windows smashed. There is no one around, too; the city is dead.

Keep moving, though, and you'll soon see somebody... well, some bodies. Your next stop is a dilapidated throne room, decorated in the popular motifs of broken windows and smashed pillars, as well as the jolly display of several corpses hanging from the ceiling. Almost all of them are men, some older, some younger, four seemingly barely out of their teen years, but among them is also a blonde-haired girl dressed in white, a stark contrast to the others. She is just as dead as them, though.

But even there it doesn't stop; descend the steps behind the throne and the stone around you grows older, older, - more ruins, but much more ancient this time, the passage of time being the only source of damage to them. Moss and vines spread across the walls and the floor; there is a murmur of a distant waterfall and the faint glow of an exit somewhere ahead. Compared to the earlier destruction, it's quite... peaceful.

Move further...

The light spreads and engulfs everything as you approach the exit, almost blinding you. And as your eyes adjust you hear a strange gasp, a brief whimper cut off--

This place is rather reminiscent of a temple. Marble is much in evidence, carved columns and pillars surrounding the light and airy space in the middle of which is a slab. A woman is lying on the slab, her white dress and blonde hair fitting in rather well with the surroundings - and very reminiscent of the girl from earlier. And, much like the girl from earlier, she is now dead - it was likely her voice you heard just now.

Embedded in her chest is a dagger, still firmly grasped in Ardyn's hand; he twists it idly before finally withdrawing it. There is barely anything other than somewhat tired boredom in his expression; he remains bent over the woman as though waiting for something else, not paying you any attention. After watching the corpse for a moment Ardyn sighs, a resigned if somewhat annoyed sigh, brings up a hand to stroke the dead woman's cheek, leaving red streaks of her own blood... and then bends down to kiss her, apparently absolutely undeterred by the fact that she is dead by his own hand.

Though the surroundings remain fairly bright, the atmosphere grows sickly; from the cracks between the marble panels seeps out a dark something, a strange miasma that resolves into twisted, dead vines and flowers that start crawling across the room, some towards the central slab, some towards far corners and walls, and some towards you.