[That breath doesn't escape him and he looks at her briefly wondering a bit. But he otherwise expected her reaction.]
Not particularly.
[A small pause.]
To be honest... I don't really remember much of that time—it all became a blur after I learned why it happened and I started training to avenge them.
[Although the irony of the truth... Ha. A bitter expression crosses his face but he just reaches over to lightly brush his fingertip against the top of Clover's head.]
After losing everyone, I decided to close myself off. Or maybe it was an unconscious decision to protect myself. [From the brutal pain of losing a loved one again. Especially because of the risks the Society members took on their missions and the number of casualties that were guaranteed to occur, making friends and close relationships there was difficult. For a young boy whose heart had been shattered... Impossible.] However, I do remember the pain and confusion, the guilt of being the only one who survived and the nightmares that haunted me.
But that's why... I want her to be surrounded by affection and support instead. So she can grow up with better memories and take care of herself.
[For a brief moment there's a somber, wistful look on his eyes. Enough years have passed where the stinging pain and sorrow have become dull enough that he can think and speak without too much heartache, at least enough that it doesn't show readily. It helps that he finally managed to get true peace over it.
But even if he doesn't say it, it should be obvious: although he closed himself off, he had still been a small, young child completely lost among strangers. He's never said it, but he's grateful to Ronan and everything he did in taking him under his wing and training him. However, although the older Erune had looked after him as best he could, he wasn't a parent. And before Eustace joined the ranks and decided to train he would have been like any other child: wishing to have his friends and family again, to have that comfort and warmth even if it was just to one last time say goodbye.]
no subject
Not particularly.
[A small pause.]
To be honest... I don't really remember much of that time—it all became a blur after I learned why it happened and I started training to avenge them.
[Although the irony of the truth... Ha. A bitter expression crosses his face but he just reaches over to lightly brush his fingertip against the top of Clover's head.]
After losing everyone, I decided to close myself off. Or maybe it was an unconscious decision to protect myself. [From the brutal pain of losing a loved one again. Especially because of the risks the Society members took on their missions and the number of casualties that were guaranteed to occur, making friends and close relationships there was difficult. For a young boy whose heart had been shattered... Impossible.] However, I do remember the pain and confusion, the guilt of being the only one who survived and the nightmares that haunted me.
But that's why... I want her to be surrounded by affection and support instead. So she can grow up with better memories and take care of herself.
[For a brief moment there's a somber, wistful look on his eyes. Enough years have passed where the stinging pain and sorrow have become dull enough that he can think and speak without too much heartache, at least enough that it doesn't show readily. It helps that he finally managed to get true peace over it.
But even if he doesn't say it, it should be obvious: although he closed himself off, he had still been a small, young child completely lost among strangers. He's never said it, but he's grateful to Ronan and everything he did in taking him under his wing and training him. However, although the older Erune had looked after him as best he could, he wasn't a parent. And before Eustace joined the ranks and decided to train he would have been like any other child: wishing to have his friends and family again, to have that comfort and warmth even if it was just to one last time say goodbye.]