I know what you're trying to do. I know you're not being...malicious or...or demanding.
I know you're not trying to force me or groom me into something else. But...you have to understand, Allura...
I've spent the last two decades of my life not only believing myself to be some sort of...mistake or monster. But being told by those around me I was too cursed to be loved. I lost...everything...to forces I could not control. And my crime? My only crime? Was being born.
My mother died giving birth to my brother and me. My father and brother died when angels tried to literally murder me as a child because they found out what I was and couldn't be suffered to live. My home? Burned to the ground around me. For at least a year, no one wanted me. They were afraid they'd meet the same end as my family. Kids would tell me that I didn't have a mom because of me. As an adult, people would hide their children or put their hands on their weapons when they saw me walk down the street.
It didn't matter how good I was. It didn't matter how much I tried to help or offered to do the right thing. I was a deceiver. I was compensating. I was doing everything and anything but trying to be a genuinely good person in their minds. How many times had I helped someone, only to overhear someone approach them after and tell them to 'watch out for that one, he hides his wickedness behind good deeds.'
Even here, I became a monster and hurt innocent people. And now, when I tried to do the right thing, to save who I thought I had the power to save, there's just...this. Ash and destruction.
This...This isn't just some...one time set back. This isn't just one thing. This is a lifetime of being told I would do nothing but bring pain and suffering to everything and everyone around me.
no subject
I know you're not trying to force me or groom me into something else. But...you have to understand, Allura...
I've spent the last two decades of my life not only believing myself to be some sort of...mistake or monster. But being told by those around me I was too cursed to be loved. I lost...everything...to forces I could not control. And my crime? My only crime? Was being born.
My mother died giving birth to my brother and me. My father and brother died when angels tried to literally murder me as a child because they found out what I was and couldn't be suffered to live. My home? Burned to the ground around me. For at least a year, no one wanted me. They were afraid they'd meet the same end as my family. Kids would tell me that I didn't have a mom because of me. As an adult, people would hide their children or put their hands on their weapons when they saw me walk down the street.
It didn't matter how good I was. It didn't matter how much I tried to help or offered to do the right thing. I was a deceiver. I was compensating. I was doing everything and anything but trying to be a genuinely good person in their minds. How many times had I helped someone, only to overhear someone approach them after and tell them to 'watch out for that one, he hides his wickedness behind good deeds.'
Even here, I became a monster and hurt innocent people. And now, when I tried to do the right thing, to save who I thought I had the power to save, there's just...this. Ash and destruction.
This...This isn't just some...one time set back. This isn't just one thing. This is a lifetime of being told I would do nothing but bring pain and suffering to everything and everyone around me.
I'm tired...