[It comes out without his permission, a whisper of a question that immediately makes him frown and wish he could take it back. His gaze flits away, staring down at the space between them, his hand still curled against his chest. He hates how fragile that question makes him feel but it's one he doesn't take back either because... well because he couldn't help doubting, not when Claude would leave without so much as a goodbye.]
You... You know you mean the world to me, right? [Because if Claude is being honest then it's only fair that Lorenz do the same, even if a lot of it is things he's been lying to himself about for years.]
I mean... I've probably- [He finally meets Claude's gaze again, brief and scared with glossy violet eyes and something wet in the deep breath he takes before he continues speaking, barely more than a whisper.] been in love with you since we were teenagers. Even if I wouldn't let myself recognize it.
I don't know how to just... be happy. But I know I was miserable without you. [It's going to take some time for him to figure out who and what he wants to be, beyond just "not like father". It will also take time for him to figure out what makes him happy just for it's own sake and without any deeper political implications. They're things he does want to figure out though, things that he wants to figure out with Claude beside him, even. But stopping himself from stepping back to look to Claude for guidance in such things isn't any better than defining himself by his father's rules.]
no subject
[It comes out without his permission, a whisper of a question that immediately makes him frown and wish he could take it back. His gaze flits away, staring down at the space between them, his hand still curled against his chest. He hates how fragile that question makes him feel but it's one he doesn't take back either because... well because he couldn't help doubting, not when Claude would leave without so much as a goodbye.]
You... You know you mean the world to me, right? [Because if Claude is being honest then it's only fair that Lorenz do the same, even if a lot of it is things he's been lying to himself about for years.]
I mean... I've probably- [He finally meets Claude's gaze again, brief and scared with glossy violet eyes and something wet in the deep breath he takes before he continues speaking, barely more than a whisper.] been in love with you since we were teenagers. Even if I wouldn't let myself recognize it.
I don't know how to just... be happy. But I know I was miserable without you. [It's going to take some time for him to figure out who and what he wants to be, beyond just "not like father". It will also take time for him to figure out what makes him happy just for it's own sake and without any deeper political implications. They're things he does want to figure out though, things that he wants to figure out with Claude beside him, even. But stopping himself from stepping back to look to Claude for guidance in such things isn't any better than defining himself by his father's rules.]