isleofavalon | August Closed Prompts

"Of course we do... Which is why I can't let you tie yourself to me when the two of you deserve to be together." He shakes his head firmly and, much as he doesn't like to think of it that way they both know that when he really sets his mind to something there is no swaying him, he will dig in his heels and double down no matter how much evidence there might be that he is in the wrong.

At least.... until Hilda herself comes to him and insists.

"No one needs to know anything. It hardly changes anything." Not his Father, not their friends, certainly not people he cares for more deeply than he probably should. It's bad enough that she knows when it is very much the sort of thing one is meant to keep quiet about unless they care to bring disapproval upon themselves and their house.

"I suppose there's no sense in planning our future based on assumptions and hypotheticals, anyhow. We should focus on the here and now." Marianne has no intentions of letting this issue go forever, but she's fine with dropping it for now. All they're likely to do is go around and around at this point.

Patient and caring as Marianne is, there's a small part of her that just wants to reach over and shake him. She knows him to be stubborn, but this goes so far against his own self-interest that she can't help but feel some frustration over it. It's like nothing she says is really getting through because he's so committed to his own emotional demise.

This must be like what it was to deal with her once upon a time. The irony of it isn't lost on her. Bless the people who were patient enough to be persistent with her. It's a blessing she intends to pay forward.

"...I know," she counters gently. "It doesn't change anything about who you are or how I see you.

"That said, I know how delicate and terrifying it can feel. Nothing we've spoken of today will leave this room, Lorenz. I promise you that."

Not pushing the argument now means he absolutely believes he's won this particular disagreement. Which is good because he's not sure how much he could argue it without feeling sorry for himself and that is not something he intends to let himself do. There's no reason for that, at all. He is so blessed to have the people he does in his life and be able to enact change the way he can. He knows that.

Sometimes he just...

No.

"I... appreciate that. It may not change anything but others may not see it that way and I would hate to make a poor representation of us, as Deer, as citizens of Fódlan, or as Other World types." Because clearly something like this would make people think less of him. Especially when one is meant to keep up appearances as he does. It may be ridiculous but, as ever, he holds himself to a higher standard than he would ever dream of holding another to.

Marianne certainly cannot begrudge Lorenz his concern. The sorts of people in Avalon vary so vastly, and it's within his nature and upbringing to try and maintain appearances to every last one of them. He wouldn't be Lorenz if he did anything otherwise.

(It's an endeavor doomed to failure, but this conversation has made it abundantly clear that she cannot dissuade him. And perhaps facing that sort of challenge here will help him to let himself grow, as Marianne's experiences have done for her.)

"Of course. But... I hope, at the very least, we can continue to be honest with each other in private moments such as this. Not necessarily about this subject, but in general." In all honesty, she fully expects the topic of love and romance to be tabled indefinitely. "I hope that's not too much to ask."

It is a challenge he will just have to learn to adapt to as time goes on. Somehow he'll find a balance, even if it takes a fair bit of trial and error.

"I... will do my best, even if it is uncomfortable to discuss such things at times." He can't help it when so much of his upbringing insists that discussing any such thing is utterly inappropriate. But he will do his best. There's a very good chance that he might just combust if he keeps everything to himself either way.

He leans against her a little once more before nodding to himself and sliding off the edge of the bed.

"In the interest of further honesty I..." Lorenz fidgets for a moment, sucks in a deep breath to steel himself, and reaches for the journal on the nightstand. "I am going to go downstairs and collect us some wine. Perhaps a rosé?"

Another decisive nod and he presses the journal into her hands, turning on his heel and marching out the door. It will not take long, his room is not terribly far from the lobby. But he gives her more than enough time to get an idea of what nonsense is in the journal because he absolutely could not bear to be in the room while she looked through it.

"We can do our best together. I'm not the most comfortable when it comes to talking about myself, either." But it's good for them to be able to open up, and if they find safety in each other that's all the better.

He rises, explaining himself before the question of where are you going leaves her lips. A smile slowly crosses her face as she accepts the journal. "A rosé sounds wonderful, thank you."

Once he's gone, she opens the journal and begins to read its contents. It's filled mostly with poetry, short bits of verse that are thoughtful and often melancholy. They speak of a sensitive soul, guarded and lonely, pining for something he can't quite bring himself to say too plainly.

When he returns, wine and glasses in hand, she looks up from it with tears in her eyes.

"Lorenz, this is... it's beautiful." And it is, above all else. "Thank you for letting me read some of it."

He steps inside, setting the wine glasses down on the small desk, trying not to look at her at first, convinced she'll laugh or- He did not expect her to cry. Lorenz ends up rushing over, drawing a kerchief from his pocket and dropping gracefully to one knee before her so he can use it to gently dab at the corner of her eyes.

"It is... a silly hobby, nothing more." Dismissive and embarrassed, shaking his head as he says it. "Certainly nothing to warrant tears, especially not from you, my dear."

Overly familiar and affectionate, maybe but... they'd reached a sort of understanding here, something deeper than either of them had shared with another before and somehow it felt natural to dote just a little because of that.

Marianne doesn't recoil when he reaches over to dry her eyes, instead giving Lorenz a sheepish smile of gratitude. After today, Lorenz is among the few (but growing) number of people she doesn't feel strange being so personal and close. Given the ease with which they've both fallen into that, it may have been true for some time longer than she's realized.

"I don't think this hobby is silly at all." She closes the book and holds it out for him to take back. "I keep a journal, but it's never anything so eloquent as your verse. Mostly it's just ramblings about my day." It's a hobby she picked up at the monastery, at their Professor's suggestion, and she's kept it up this whole time. She's found it a helpful way to sort her thoughts and feelings.

"I've no doubt your words are just as heartfelt." This is another of those stubborn points he refuses to see reason on. There is nothing special about his writings, save that they are a fantastic waste of time. He is well aware of that. Still... it helps him to center himself, come to terms with things as they change around him, eases some of the ache left behind by the war.

Foolish though it is, he can't quite bring himself to stop. Not for lack of trying, mind.

"I simply thought it... might help... explain a few things, I suppose." His smile is just as sheepish as hers but he steps away, uncorking the wine with practiced ease and beginning to pour two glasses, returning to sit beside her as he passes one to her.

"To... romance, I suppose?" Toast him Marianne.

Marianne doesn't argue his deflection, largely because she can't. The words she writes in her own journals are heartfelt, just expressed through prose that borders on stream-of-consciousness rather than Lorenz's preference for verse. Perhaps her automatic assumption that his is a better mode of journaling says more about her own insecurities than anything else.

Not that it matters. That's not the point of this conversation, nor is it why he allowed her to read it. He's opening up to her the best that he can, and this was a part of that.

"It did. Thank you." For both the wine and for letting her in like this.

When he holds out the glass, she clinks it with hers. "To romance. And to figuring out who we actually are." Without wars and curses hanging over them, she means, but she doesn't need or want to say that part aloud.

She drinks her glass of wine for a bit longer than would be considered proper.

His smile shifts ever so slightly and while she drinks deeply he hesitates for a moment, staring down into the glass.

"Who we are..." A barely audible murmur before he frowns briefly, considering the implications of that, of what it would mean in the large scheme of things. To him, to others, to the people he's been working so hard to protect-

It leads him to do far worse than Marianne, not just drinking a bit more than is proper but outright draining the glass in a few quick swallows and pouring some more immediately as he sinks back down onto the bed beside her.

"Perhaps I should have gotten more than one bottle..." Perhaps it's for the best he didn't. Especially with how sweet it is. "It's certainly no Ordelia vintage, though."

"Oh," is Marianne's only reaction to Lorenz draining his glass. It's going to be that kind of evening. After a pause, she does the same--surely this is a good idea, and one to be copied. The wine is awfully sweet, but that doesn't faze her.

"I think I can forgive the quality of the wine, Lorenz." They both have discerning palettes, but there's a lot in Avalon that they don't quite know well enough to purchase based on pedigree. Like varieties and vintages of wine. "It's better not to drink nice wine quite this quickly, anyway."

After a pause, she laughs a little to herself. "Our fathers would be horrified." For a variety of reasons, honestly, but she mostly means for chugging the wine.

Lorenz sighs pulls his phone out briefly, scowling at it slightly, not familiar enough with it to order whatever delivery nonsense they have in Camelot is... but he's not going back out for more wine so after a brief moment of fiddling he manages to request 2 bottles of a proper red, none of this excessive sweetness.

Then he tosses his phone carelessly on the bed and flops back.

"I don't think horrified properly conveys the amount of disapproval I would get from mine." A dark chuckle, another deep drink from his refilled glass. "You know... I think Hilda has been good for you. And I think the two of you would be even better as a couple."

Marianne watches over Lorenz's shoulder as he orders the wine, occasionally chiming in to help him figure out the interface. She has a couple of moons on him here, and therefore has a better idea as to how these phones work.

(Her own phone, embarrassingly, has a broken screen. She dropped it not long after her arrival and hasn't bothered to have it repaired.)

As Lorenz flops back, Marianne gets up to refill her own glass. There's more wine on the way, after all, so they need to finish this bottle off. "With all due respect, Lorenz, your father disapproves of most things. He makes my adoptive father look warm and compassionate by comparison." She takes a sip of her newly-poured glass as if to punctuate her point.

At the mention of Hilda, she blushes a little. "... you really think so? What makes you say so?"

He smiles at her, especially that blush.

"Why, Marianne, you are a gentle beauty the likes of which I have seen no comparison for... but with Hilda coaxing you through the burdens you carry you're positively radiant." He actually laughs softly to himself, shaking his head.

"Really I should have suspected sooner, given the way you glow in her presence."

Marianne's blush grows deeper. "Do I?" She absolutely does. Even Edelgard noticed the way that Hilda makes her light up, and Hilda wasn't even present for that conversation.

She returns to the bed with her refilled glass of wine, sitting carefully back onto it before taking a sip. This one, she intends to drink like a normal person. "Hilda isn't the only one who helped me. All of the Deer did, you included. I... I've been truly blessed, to have met you all."

"It is we who are blessed to have been able to watch you bloom." He says it with a firm nod, as though he will hear nothing more of this back and forth. He can't help it, especially not when what is meant to be a sip from his bottle becomes a deeper drink than intended.

"You're all so wonderful." A wistful sort of sigh and he does mean it, he loves them all so much, but there's a bit of unfocused distance in his eyes that implies there's a some thought there that has nothing to do with the two of them in this room.

Marianne covers her deepening blush with her free hand, as if that could somehow minimize the way his insistent compliment flusters her. Lorenz is being so deeply sincere, and while she appreciates it she also finds herself at such a loss. She's simply not used to being treated with such gentle care. It's for the best that he will here no further argument--she is out of things to say on the matter that won't come out tongue-tied.

Instead, she focuses on the look in his eyes. Emboldened by the wine, she hazards a guess as to what his mind might be thinking: "One of us moreso than the others, though." She pauses to sip her wine. "You... you really care for Claude, don't you?"

He tilts his head, curiously, brow furrowing for a moment before he starts to smile, assuming of course that she means Hilda. He brings his glass to his lips-

And nearly spits wine all over when she says Claude's name. His mouth drops open a protest immediately on his lips... one he... he can't bring himself to voice with everything they've discussed between them. His expression crumbles after that moment of indignation, looking away from her and into his glass.

"Perhaps too much..."

Marianne flinches a bit when he chokes in response to her pressing, and she recognizes his expression enough to know that she's hit a nerve. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything? They were having a nice moment, and now she's gone and ruined it by going too far. This is why these sorts of things are better left to people who aren't her!

But... Lorenz quickly deflates and agrees with her. Marianne relaxes as a result, although she feels no less guilty.

"That must be difficult," she says finally. Claude is, by and large, an emotionally unavailable person. By now, most of the Deer are close to him--but that's been years in the making. Romance is another hurdle entirely, and one Claude himself probably isn't ready for. And that's not even taking into account Lorenz's admitted hangups about it. "I shouldn't have gone there. I'm sorry."

"N-no... Please don't apologize, Marianne. You've done nothing wrong." It's not her fault he's a disaster and has spent years denying things to himself and others. He looks over at her, apologetic and clearly distressed.

"I-I'm sorry. I don't know how-" Lorenz just trails off, shaking his head and gesturing helplessly. How does he talk about this sort of thing? He really has no idea what to say when saying anything at all feels like a betrayal of everything he's worked towards for years as well as their friendship. Lies are unbecoming, ignoble, and while he understands why Claude had to tell so many for his own safety he-

He doesn't want to admit to something that could ruin everything if revealed. Not when they've fought so hard to come to understand one another.

It's not as if Marianne is especially adept or experienced with this kind of thing. That's part of why they're drinking and having this conversation to begin with. They both have a lot to work through, even as they're in different phases of untangling their own feelings and desires.

"You have nothing to apologize for, either. Expressing oneself is hard." She knows that struggle intimately. "You don't need to say anything, if you cannot. It's scary enough to even admit things that you've been hiding from even yourself. At least, it was for me."

With a sigh and a bittersweet smile, she leans into him and sips her wine. The room is wavering slightly, and the physical contact with him helps make things feel steadier. The rules of propriety have flown out the window long ago. "It's funny, and a bit cruel, how nobles are constantly told stories of love and romance but aren't actually free to pursue it. Souls like yours, beautiful and creative, should be allowed to... to love, regardless of duty. You do so much, Lorenz. You care so much, and... it's not fair."

She leans into him and he tilts back towards her, draining his glass and setting it aside for the moment. One arm curls around her, more for his own balance than anything else. "I resigned myself to that a long time ago... it seems so selfish to worry about such things, especially with the former Leicester territories in the state they're in now."

A heavy sigh, head tilting to lean his temple against her hair. It's easier, to say that at least. To speak of love as a concept rather than the specifics of why each of those little teasing criticisms from their former leader get under his skin so readily. Much much easier to speak in broader terms than acknowledge anything that might hurt others instead of only himself.

Marianne hums softly, not happy with this conclusion of his but not arguing it either. "I suppose."

The few moments of silence that follow are comfortable, if sad, and Marianne lets out a heavy exhale and closes her eyes. "But please remember that you have friends who love you, even as we work together to rebuild Leicester and Fódlan to be a better place." A pause, followed by a small huff of warm laughter. "And since we're both heirs to important houses and will be involved in the heaviness of the work, you won't be able to avoid me. I'll take you to tea."

She reaches up and pats his back, gentle and affectionate in the gesture. "Surely, you can spare an afternoon to yourself every now and then."

He hums softly in agreement, lips quirking up in faint smile. "I don't believe I'll have a choice between you, Lysithea, and Her Grace." Hilda can sway him easily as well but she rarely needs to. It's Marianne and Lysithea that insist on fussing back at him.

"Perhaps later... when Fódlan is more settled, when things begin to truly mend... maybe then it would be worth revisiting." The closest thing to a concession he can make. In another year or five, maybe things will be stable enough by then that he could excuse not marrying. The idea that marrying a man might even be a possibility is outside his understanding but... stepping away from that particular expectation. Perhaps.

August Closed Prompts

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