I'm scared of upsetting you. Of making you feel uncomfortable or...or...I...don't know! I'm afraid.
I'm afraid because I've spent my whole life being told that everything that's natural about me is wrong. That I need to hide from people, that if I'm not something that they find likable and non-threatening, I'm safe and that maybe I can be acceptable.
[He sits up, running both hands through his hair in frustration, like he might tear the blue locks out.]
I'm afraid of doing something wrong! Again! I'm afraid of saying something or acting in a way that's just going to piss you off and then I'm going to lose this great feeling that I've never had before! That I used to see people my age holding hands and dream that maybe one day someone would like me enough to want to be in the same room with me let alone care about me!
I am scared of being me because I hate me. No one likes me so why should you? Why should I jeopardize any of this just because I want to selfishly be myself when I can be someone you actually like.
...Why would I ever be someone you openly loathed when I could be anyone or anything else and actually get to be cared about...?
no subject
...I'm scared of...[He sighs]
I'm scared of upsetting you. Of making you feel uncomfortable or...or...I...don't know! I'm afraid.
I'm afraid because I've spent my whole life being told that everything that's natural about me is wrong. That I need to hide from people, that if I'm not something that they find likable and non-threatening, I'm safe and that maybe I can be acceptable.
[He sits up, running both hands through his hair in frustration, like he might tear the blue locks out.]
I'm afraid of doing something wrong! Again! I'm afraid of saying something or acting in a way that's just going to piss you off and then I'm going to lose this great feeling that I've never had before! That I used to see people my age holding hands and dream that maybe one day someone would like me enough to want to be in the same room with me let alone care about me!
I am scared of being me because I hate me. No one likes me so why should you? Why should I jeopardize any of this just because I want to selfishly be myself when I can be someone you actually like.
...Why would I ever be someone you openly loathed when I could be anyone or anything else and actually get to be cared about...?
So yeah...I'm scared.
I'm scared all the time...